trailrunrbyday

I have 19 days sober now....and I feel fantastic. Prior to this stint I cannot recall a time in likely almost 9 years that I have gone more than one day sober. I drank minimum a bottle of wine a night...sometimes that and a 2L of cider...sometimes 4L cider or 6 beer and a bottle of wine or a 2L of wine...sometimes a little bottle of vodka then the bottle of wine...

I drank a lot and I drank daily. I hid it, I lied about it, I denied it (to myself and my husband). I also managed to balance a very successful career and wrote 6 EXTREMELY demanding exams in a 7 month period while drinking every single night.

I am NOT trying to say I am proud of how well I functioned....it sucked in many many ways. I was fooling myself into thinking as long as I "got things done" I was ok...regardless of how well I was getting them done. I mean how bad could I be if I was succeeding(my AV)?

I am not pushing 3 weeks sober and I feel phenomenal. I realized I was lucky enough to have NOT lost everything (in spite of my best efforts apparently). I still have the nice house, the family, the husband, the career and the friends. I made it out by the skin of my teeth and I know that. I have gotten real...and honest about how bad it was as NOT doing so will lead me back there.

The past almost 3 weeks have had a couple of tough nights but overall surprisingly easy. I am using holistic products (essential oils for relaxation/stress reduction, melatonin before bed and relaxation techniques) as well as embracing AA (which I completely expected to NOT utilize as I am not a "GOD" person)...I have a sponsor and support of those who have been through the program as well as my husband.

I have still not told close friends and family. Doin it on my time.

My fear. I am going away on a business trip tomorrow for the week. I will not be able to go to meetings (my work trip has commitments from 7:00 a.m. to late evening every day). I have been getting increasingly nervous...I usually pack a bottle of wine and buy a box the 1st day at the hotel....

I was getting myself all worked up and then I sat with my sponsor. She reminded me to take it 24 at a time...heck take it 10 minutes at a time if I need to right?!

At the end of each "share" at the AA meetings I attend the speaker will say "so, I'll take 24 and pass it on to you" or "so I'll give you all 24 and take mine". I love that and I will be repeating it in my head many times next week.

I will be leaning on the online meetings so if you see me there "KimOutside" shout me out and give me 24.

I know that was a bit of a ramble but I am leaving the safety of home, my meetings and my support people (can get them text/phone but you know what I mean) for the first time since I began recovery.

With that....I'll take 24 and pass it on to YOU.

lilyrosemary

...and 24 right back to you! best wishes on all your 24s!

BASEjumper

I think this will be good for you. I remember when I was early on in getting sober, and was in a foreign country outside my normal support structure faced with opportunities to drink without anyone finding out.

I didn't, and I felt a real confidence in my sober identity and the fact that my sobriety was not conditional on anything. I hope you have a similar experience.

All that being said, at 3 weeks I hope you'll stay in close contact with your sponser and family, and do whatever it takes to stay away from the alcohol.

It just wants to strip you of everything and then kill you. Don't forget.

trailrunrbyday

Thank you Base & Lily!!!! Base...that is what I am aiming for....gaining that confidence that I can handle this is any situation and not be dependent on the safety nets I throw around myself. I realized (in a meeting last night) as I heard people who have been at the treatment facility where they meetings are held that I have already conquered this fear in a way.

Many of those who shared have been in the facility for upwards of 2 months and are petrified to leave and be "out there where it's not safe". I have come this far without the safety of that facility. I have already been doing this as I drive by my local liquor store several times a day often. I have been doing this while my husband is away for half the time working...and stayed true to my promises to myself when nobody would have known if i nipped down and grabbed just one little bottle.

I can do this. Thank you!

Cottonwoodchris

Hi, Trail. Of course you can do this. We can all do this. Is it easy? Hell, no. Is it worth it, hell yes. 150% worth it.

OK, I relapsed twice in five years, now just getting back to two months sober.

I just tonight had a real pisser, with my local AA meeting. I went home and grabbed on to AVRT. Wow. It will, and should, change your life. (Carol may pull that remark, I don't know)

24 is just the beginning. I'll give you 24 and up the anti to 44. Let's both make it to that! We can do it! You ever make it down to So Cal, I'll buy you the best sushi dinner (sorry, no saki or beer) you ever had. Fresh salmon included.