Suckerpunched

God Willing, please let this be my first day of sobering up! I've been struggling bad over the past 1 1/2, I've been a drinker for more years than I care to remember but this past year has been by far the worst! What made me realize I HAVE to get sober TODAY is that I love my husband with all my heart, he is my best friend and has put up with my bullcrap drinking more patiently that I would have. Last night we had yet another fight about my drinking and I spoke the words I never ever thought I would, I told him I hated him! I'm so ashamed this morning, I can't stop crying even though we talked about it, me again trying to convince him that my drinking is not that big of a deal, blah blah blah! I feel that I have finally hit rock bottom, I know I can't take the words back but I do know I NEVER want to say them again! My husband is the best thing that ever happened to me and I'm terrified of loosing him over my boozing! I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, the guilt, lying, blackouts, sneaking booze behind his back! I can't stand myself at the moment and I don't want to go on like this ANYMORE! I've talked about going to AA in the past and he does not want me to go, a stigma thing I think, but, I promised myself and God this morning that I would attend a meeting TODAY, even if I have to lie to him to do it! I have to help myself anyway I can to escape this alcohol induced fog I'm slowly dying in.

Please pray for me, I'm terrified, but, I know if I can stay sober just one day, it's a step in the right direction and hopefully will give me the strength to stay sober and second, third, forth day, etc....

mackat

heh honey
get to that meeting. that's where i found out i never had to drink again. don't worry bout day two three etc. just for today ...don't drink.
hugs
mackat