desserts

I have been sober since september 22nd of 2011, and I am 20 years old. Recently I have not been feeling too great. Because all my former friends are involved in either drugs or alchohol, I just stay home all the time when i'm not reading or working. Because I don't go to parties I don't end up meeting any women, and at my commuter college all the women won't talk to me as soon as they find out I don't have a car. My relationships with my family members have healed because of my sobriety but I family is not everything. The only times I "go out" anymore are alone to a museum or a movie.

RobbyRobot

Sorry to hear things are not feeling so good, desserts. Awesome going on keeping sober, and you know what?.. sometimes we just need to make a few more lifestyle changes and we feel so much better about our sober selves.

It can be a drag when we feel that without hanging out with others who drink/use we are being left out of the loop. It doesn't have to be that way though.

I understand from your other posts that AA is not for you, no problem. Being in college does give you a great way to meet others, including women. Not sure why the ladies won't talk to you after they learn you don't have wheels, but whatever, there are ways around that too.

I wonder if you feel you have a complete understanding that we need to invest in a new lifestyle to enjoy the full advantages of being clean n' sober?

I know sometimes the newly sober experiences can be a challenge, and i just want you to know those challenges can really be turned around and give back to you an exciting sober lifestyle!

I hope you continue to post and fill in a bit more of what you think needs a bit of changing perhaps to provide for you the lifestyle you'd more enjoy.

Matt86

Hang in there desserts.

I'm 26 and have done the whole college thing and everything that entails to the max. Heck, I've even spent 3 years skiing in Colorado, talk about about a mecca for drinking!

Trust me it might sound crazy but you are not missing anything. If I learned one thing during my career it's relationships of substance are worth a lot more than relationships with substances.

least

Don't waste your time and affection on women like this. If all they like about you is your car, your possessions, they aren't worth your effort.

Congrats on your sober time!

Carleeezy

Go out and meet more girls! Don't base your whole predicament around a couple of girls opinions lol the key is to show them you're not affected by it at all. I don't think you're trying hard enough! Go out socialize and work on finding your true self, you know the one that doesn't rely on alcohol as a crutch to interact with people. It'll feels weird at first but over time you will get use to it. It's like learning how to walk for the first time.

pipparina

What interests do you have? Can you join a group or club that does something you enjoy? The people may be older, but will be less likely to judge you on whether you have a car.

Check out stuff in your neighborhood like that. A book club if you like reading, maybe a walkers or runners club. Other than AA, that is how I started meeting people who don't base their life on alcohol and we had a common interest. Maybe there is a group at your museum?
Hang in there. We've all been there at times. It will get better and you make good friends

Jaded1999

Awesome stuff being sober a year bro!!! Especially at 20! I partied flat out, got married, bought the house and then lost it all due to my drinking at 27!! Yeah I had some fun but I wish I had of been sober. I'm 31 now and living with my parents lol, with only 3 months of sobriety! Hang in there champ and all the best!

desserts

I am part of a few honors societies at my college, but those only exist on my resume. I like to read academic literature and collect coins, but my main problem is the loneliness. I would join AA except I'm an atheist and I have been sober for over a year just through personal discipline and being "scared straight"

Jfanagle

Stay sober; set a goal of getting a car. Any running vehicle will be a start.

Understand that the car really doesn't matter, but YOU mentioned it in your post and that is something that YOU can change. See if it makes the difference in meeting girls? If it doesn't then focus on changing something or things else. Change is good and keeps us moving forward. Standing still never really happens, we end up going backwards because the world passes us by.

You have already done one of the most difficult things you will ever face in your life, overcoming addiction. The rest is a walk in the park.

Pick a goal or two and concentrate on them. You have it in you without any doubt; you simply need to allow yourself to exercise your formidable power.

Go out there and be famous!
Jon

TSDD

I would encourage you to compare your life not to what you think it ought to be, but to what it was like the last couple weeks of drinking. Work on staying sober and all that stuff will sort itself out.

According to AA's 3rd tradition members aren't compelled to do, say, pay, or believe anything. If anyone tells you different politely tell them to get lost. Given a chance you may well meet some like minded friends there.

CarolD

In AA I've found many friends who share my goal of living
well and sober....

Congratulations on all you have accomplished ..you are a winner

freshstart57

I didn't have a car either through college, but I knew it was going to be a problem after I graduated. I solved that by marrying a woman who came with her own car. That was over 30 years ago and things have worked out pretty well since then I guess.

There are ways around the lack of wheels. You have triumphed over your addiction, so now you understand that a limitation like this is mainly between your ears. You can do this if you set your mind to it.