Was told what I needed to hear - but it hurt
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ca
Posts: 29
Was told what I needed to hear - but it hurt
Good morning!
At my favorite Sunday meeting there is this great woman who asked me if I had a sponsor a few months ago. I do have a sponsor but she lives a ways away and I would like to eventually get a sponsor that is closer to where I live. I told her so and we have been keeping in touch.
Yesterday, this woman came up to check on me like she usually does on Sunday. She asked me if I have been drinking and I waffled around saying "well, a little here and there." and her retort was "No. Have you been drinking?". I had to get real and told her I had a bottle of wine on Saturday and another one a few days before. She told me straight up: "I don't **** around with my sponsees. When you're absolutely serious about being sober I'll be your sponsor. This is a life or death disease and you can't screw around. I really care for you and give me a call when you're at least 24 hours sober."
Wow. A ton of bricks hit me. She's right! It is a life or death disease and I do need to get serious. I gave an excuse about the DT's and how they are hurtful to hopefully get some sympathy from her so I could feel comforted, but she said again "You need to be serious about your sobriety. Please call me when you're serious."
On the walk up the stairs from the beach meeting I started to cry because no one has really been so succinct and direct with me like that. I'm used to getting sympathy, a hug, and a "oh, it's OK, you'll get there". Anyways that was a wake up call and I'm grateful for her and our little discussion. I need to get real.
At my favorite Sunday meeting there is this great woman who asked me if I had a sponsor a few months ago. I do have a sponsor but she lives a ways away and I would like to eventually get a sponsor that is closer to where I live. I told her so and we have been keeping in touch.
Yesterday, this woman came up to check on me like she usually does on Sunday. She asked me if I have been drinking and I waffled around saying "well, a little here and there." and her retort was "No. Have you been drinking?". I had to get real and told her I had a bottle of wine on Saturday and another one a few days before. She told me straight up: "I don't **** around with my sponsees. When you're absolutely serious about being sober I'll be your sponsor. This is a life or death disease and you can't screw around. I really care for you and give me a call when you're at least 24 hours sober."
Wow. A ton of bricks hit me. She's right! It is a life or death disease and I do need to get serious. I gave an excuse about the DT's and how they are hurtful to hopefully get some sympathy from her so I could feel comforted, but she said again "You need to be serious about your sobriety. Please call me when you're serious."
On the walk up the stairs from the beach meeting I started to cry because no one has really been so succinct and direct with me like that. I'm used to getting sympathy, a hug, and a "oh, it's OK, you'll get there". Anyways that was a wake up call and I'm grateful for her and our little discussion. I need to get real.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
She is right Chick.
I had to go through the first few weeks.
No-one can do it for you/me.
I know what you mean about people being kind and telling us we will be alright, but sometimes that gives us an "out".
We need the tough love of being told, "Quit playing around and just do it!"
Some meetings are kind of annoying with the mantra, just don't drink, but hey! that is kind of the point, right?
After you get a few weeks under your belt, there will be many days that a drink sounds like a great idea. It isn't.
I was great at rewarding myself for not drinking, by drinking!
Sounds like she might make a good sponsor.
It is tough. If it were easy, there would be no SR/rehabs/AA/Smart/AVRT or Friends and Family forums!!
I had to go through the first few weeks.
No-one can do it for you/me.
I know what you mean about people being kind and telling us we will be alright, but sometimes that gives us an "out".
We need the tough love of being told, "Quit playing around and just do it!"
Some meetings are kind of annoying with the mantra, just don't drink, but hey! that is kind of the point, right?
After you get a few weeks under your belt, there will be many days that a drink sounds like a great idea. It isn't.
I was great at rewarding myself for not drinking, by drinking!
Sounds like she might make a good sponsor.
It is tough. If it were easy, there would be no SR/rehabs/AA/Smart/AVRT or Friends and Family forums!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
For me, I don't like to be told what to do
nor scolded, fussed at, repremanded, because
I survived enough abuse as a child to last
a lifetime. So, when I entered recovery back
in 8-11-90, beginning in rehab, I just listened
and absorbed all I could and followed quietly
in int footsteps of many who remained sober
for long periods of time.
One of those saying I often hear is, to take the
cotton out of your ears and put in your mouth
in order to listen to the messages of recovery
instead of running off at the mouth.
Over the years I learned about my disease of
alcoholism and it's affects on the body, mind
and soul and on others around me. Alcohol and
drugs is nothing to play around with if we are
addicted to it. It's a moster that lives within taking
us as a hostage and showing no mercy. However,
with a program of recovery consisting of useful tools
and knowledge to live with each day, staying
sober or clean can result in living a healthy, happy,
honest live for yrs. to come one day at a time.
So can you.
nor scolded, fussed at, repremanded, because
I survived enough abuse as a child to last
a lifetime. So, when I entered recovery back
in 8-11-90, beginning in rehab, I just listened
and absorbed all I could and followed quietly
in int footsteps of many who remained sober
for long periods of time.
One of those saying I often hear is, to take the
cotton out of your ears and put in your mouth
in order to listen to the messages of recovery
instead of running off at the mouth.
Over the years I learned about my disease of
alcoholism and it's affects on the body, mind
and soul and on others around me. Alcohol and
drugs is nothing to play around with if we are
addicted to it. It's a moster that lives within taking
us as a hostage and showing no mercy. However,
with a program of recovery consisting of useful tools
and knowledge to live with each day, staying
sober or clean can result in living a healthy, happy,
honest live for yrs. to come one day at a time.
So can you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Central Kansas
Posts: 175
Hi Chick- I am still pretty new to sobriety myself and have to admit that at times what I reallly need is "empathy" plus "validation" of my feelings. I recieve alot of that just by sitting at the meetings and listening to others stories.
There are times when I need a straight forward talking to, such as what this woman gave you.
Does it hurt? You bet!
I'm starting to understand why Sponsors get so tough on us at times. We need it to help us learn how to be tough on ourselves, rather then cave in to urges, they are giving us tools to use to combat this dreadful disease.
Also, I'm seeing the love and compassion AA members have for everyone. Especially Sponsors, they give alot of their time to their sponsee's. They are like a "mother" who is attached to her "children", and will do anything for them.
Longtimer's have witnessed a lot during their sobriety. People come in the doors, walk out the doors, some grab hold, and some let go.
Yesterday, during the meeting "A sponsor was recounting his experience with a young man he had been helping...This young man started sobering up, 8 days into sobriety a "friend" of his convinced him to party "one more time", he did and after he got home...he put a bullet to his head.
This Sponsor spoke of it because he needed to deal with his grief. Helping others comes with a price. It can be rewarding or it can be devastating.
I can only hope that when the time comes and I am ready to be a Sponsor...that I can be so straight forward.. Alcoholism is a life or death situation. A person has to be serious about it and willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober.
Thanks for your honesty and openness on this subject.
There are times when I need a straight forward talking to, such as what this woman gave you.
Does it hurt? You bet!
I'm starting to understand why Sponsors get so tough on us at times. We need it to help us learn how to be tough on ourselves, rather then cave in to urges, they are giving us tools to use to combat this dreadful disease.
Also, I'm seeing the love and compassion AA members have for everyone. Especially Sponsors, they give alot of their time to their sponsee's. They are like a "mother" who is attached to her "children", and will do anything for them.
Longtimer's have witnessed a lot during their sobriety. People come in the doors, walk out the doors, some grab hold, and some let go.
Yesterday, during the meeting "A sponsor was recounting his experience with a young man he had been helping...This young man started sobering up, 8 days into sobriety a "friend" of his convinced him to party "one more time", he did and after he got home...he put a bullet to his head.
This Sponsor spoke of it because he needed to deal with his grief. Helping others comes with a price. It can be rewarding or it can be devastating.
I can only hope that when the time comes and I am ready to be a Sponsor...that I can be so straight forward.. Alcoholism is a life or death situation. A person has to be serious about it and willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober.
Thanks for your honesty and openness on this subject.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,635
It is very true we need to hear what we don't want to hear. Mine is tough in a gentle way, sounds like yours is also.
Go the doctor and tell him/her what and how much you have been drinking. They can hopefully give you something to help with the anxiety and your heart rate. It is going to stink either way, but just remember, it does come to an end and when you are detoxed by 4 or 5 days you will feel SO much better. Usually by day three I felt a lot better.
Then you never have to go through that hell again.
Post here a lot!
Go the doctor and tell him/her what and how much you have been drinking. They can hopefully give you something to help with the anxiety and your heart rate. It is going to stink either way, but just remember, it does come to an end and when you are detoxed by 4 or 5 days you will feel SO much better. Usually by day three I felt a lot better.
Then you never have to go through that hell again.
Post here a lot!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
chick, this is great news! heres another lesson i thik ya learned:
yer eyes can sparkle and yer teeth can glitter
but ya cant bullsh*t an old bullsh*tter.
heres what doc slikworth had to say:
the message which can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight.
rarely have we seen person fail who has thoroughly followed our path
thoroughly have we seen a person fail who has rarely followed our path.
heres a few more things ya might wanna do along with gettin real
get rigourously honest.
get searching nd fearless.
let go of yer old ideas.
work full measures.
but 1st and foremost, ya gotta make a decision you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it.
if we baby ya we'll bury ya. we dont want to do that.
yer eyes can sparkle and yer teeth can glitter
but ya cant bullsh*t an old bullsh*tter.
heres what doc slikworth had to say:
the message which can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight.
rarely have we seen person fail who has thoroughly followed our path
thoroughly have we seen a person fail who has rarely followed our path.
heres a few more things ya might wanna do along with gettin real
get rigourously honest.
get searching nd fearless.
let go of yer old ideas.
work full measures.
but 1st and foremost, ya gotta make a decision you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it.
if we baby ya we'll bury ya. we dont want to do that.
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, Chick.
We all need a bit of tough love once in a while, because it fights self-pity which is destructive, and makes us wake up the strength within.
Take care and have a good day.
We all need a bit of tough love once in a while, because it fights self-pity which is destructive, and makes us wake up the strength within.
Take care and have a good day.
Fellow Traveler and Seeker
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 2,408
What a great post. Whenever I start to flag and sag in my program, there seems to always be someone around who either challenges me on it, or I hear someone share about the consequences of resting on their laurels and it's usually in the one area that I am slacking in! So it's good to get that ice water in the face now and then to stay vigilant.
Honesty - ours and the other person's - is the opener of many a door.
Honesty - ours and the other person's - is the opener of many a door.
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