cmason249

Wow. After so much progress, here I am again. My life is closer now than ever to ruin, and I feel worse for my wife than I do for myself. I think she was finally starting to believe in me. I was at about 60 days. I feel horrible for her. I feel horrible for what I am doiing to her, to my kids. I just want to scream obscenities and tear a building down with my bare hands. I mean really.... again? I deviated from my plan, stopped being the instigator of my own recovery. Really? How could I let that happen? I don't mean to offend, but I am of the belief that I am the ONLY one responsible for the choices I make. I'm not trying to get into or start a "tmgis technique is better" argument. I'm really trying to sort through all the negative I feel right now and gain something from this failure. 60 days is the longest I've gone voluntarily in more than 13 years, but I truly do not see that as an accomplishment, just a delayed failure. The fact that I was not a daily drinker I think is making it more difficult, in some ways, to stop. I was SO confident it was all behind me. Not arrogant, maybe overly optimistic? I can do this. I CAN DO THIS! I now believe it will not be in time to save my family. I now believe that depression may be a contributing factor. And I now believe that what I believe makes no damn difference. I still have to so what needs to be done. Day one...

awuh1

I once went about 90 days on my own. That was the longest I was able to do. You had 60 days…. that’s good. I found that I just was not smart enough or willful enough (I know it’s hard to believe). No amount of resolve was enough for me to do it on my own, and I hated to admit that!

I note from your past posts that you were using AVRT. You had the good sense to go with a method that has worked for many. Perhaps you need to go to plan b. AA perhaps? …and have your wife go to a few al-anon meetings to support you? Just a thought.

inpieces314

While you are looking at the bad stuff, stop to look at the good stuff.

Yeah, you relapsed. It's bound to happen, it's a symptom of the disease. What's more important is what you are going to do about it.

Get back on the wagon, try AA, get a sponsor, and really sit down and think about what exactly made you relapse so you know what to expect next time that situation comes up. Stay away from those triggers.

It's a learning experience, and you have to know what to learn about yourself before it works.

cmason249

I was using AVRT in combination with a workout plan. Part of the problem is that my 8 week program ended. Which, in itself, reveals the real problem. Simply replacing my triggers leads to forgetting who is really in control.

pipparina

You pick yourself up and start again. That's how you do it. And figure out why you decided to drink again. What triggered it? What can you do to prevent it?

I won't argue my way is better than you way, but I will say that in early sobriety, I think we all need some support system to help us get through the rough times until we learn we can do it ourselves.

hypochondriac

Pick yourself up and add something to the plan Cmason. Maybe SMART meetings or AA. I am a picker of programs. My plan is messy but it is working so far. Have you spoken to a doctor too if you have issues with depression? Those 60 days weren't wasted and I bet you learnt a lot about yourself sober in that time. Keep trying til something works for you x

Jaded1999

60 days is an awesome effort mate!! I too relapsed after 60 days last time round and felt exactly the same. I lost my wife, house etc due to my drinking, just ticked over the 90 day mark... I've relapsed plenty of times between 1 or 2 months in the last few years but every time I learn something, I guess.
I found AA to be a great support program, I am very strong willed and could not give up the drinking alone.