Petewill

Hello all,
I am 37 days into sobriety and I feel like I am going to just go and get a bottle any moment. I had gotten into it with an individual complaining that they were not pleased with my work professionally, now I am thinking I suck and am second guessing everything - thinking should i even be doing this for a living? my confidence level is so low as it is right now.. tried to reach sponsor earlier but did not talk to him yet. So much struggling and never any resolve, I don't see trying to do this(sobriety) is even worth it anymore.. everything just sucks, sucked before.. sorry, i am so negative.. I guess it's good to vent here anyway right..as some of you know, I have done this many times before(drank again) and nothing got better...... thanks for reading..

trailrunrbyday

read your last line pete and grab onto anything you can...post, read, chat, go for a walk. I am having a tought night too...no triggers like you have even. Stay strong.
You are feeling crappy and it WILL pass and you WILL be happy you did it without adding more poop to the pile (drinking)

tomsteve

pete, good on ya for gettin it out. now we can help ya with a solution, which gettin drunk aint gonna help!! what it sounds like is some comments hit yer self esteem? plus ya broke out the ass kickin machine?
if so, throw out the ass kickin machine.
you dont suck! now, is this individual in a position of authority over you?

Dee74

Hey pete

good to see you but sorry you're struggling again.

is one conflict really worth tossing it all in for?
You know there are no answers in drinking.

Have you ever seen anyone outside of a sponsor about low self esteem or depression?

If you keep coming up against these issues it might be worth a shot to have an additional perspective outside the 12 steps as well?

D

miko67

Stay positive, tomorrow will be different man. N you will be sober! Well done on the 37 days.

hypochondriac

Do you think you suck at your job Pete? So one guy wasn't happy, have there been other people who were happy?

I can really relate to how you're feeling, I have had the same thing recently. One person criticised my work. Actually, it was more like a question. But I blew it all out of proportion, got defensive and started thinking how I would leave and do something else. Oh, and I wanted to drink real bad. But then I thought, 'no major changes for a year' and tried to start thinking rationally about it. I'm okay now, at some point I will approach the problem without attacking someone, but in the mean time I take refuge in the positive comments I have had about my work and try to focus on the good things.

I understand how you feel, and even though it's pretty intense, it will pass and you will be stronger for it. Hang in there, don't throw away those 37 days, that a great achievement x

Sasha4

How many people have you done business with/worked with?
This would happen whether you are sober or not, it is just life.
Thats one person.

This is really your addictive voice giving you a reason to drink and it is not a reason to drink, really not.

We cannot please everyone all of the time.

Go focus your mind on something else - a run, a film, a chat with mates.
Play the whole scene out and remember how you will feel in the morning, even worse, your self esteem will be even more trampled all over......

Keep on going, don't give up x

inpieces314

I swear it's my boss trying to drive me to drink. I know how you feel.

I have 44 days sober today, and she is an active alcoholic, so it's hard. I am constantly arguing with her, blahblahblah.

I am leaving my job. She makes me miserable. And I am tired of the arguing, so I am leaving. I don't know when, but it really makes the whole situation so much better because there is a light at the end of the tunnel now, and that is what gets me through my day.

tomsteve

ok, now take a look at what ya wrote:
she is driving you to drink, but you are arguing with her. can you see the problem?

the only people, places, and things that make me miserable are the people, places, and things i allow to make me misreable.

invisibledrunk

Lots of people question their colleagues work. I work in the business sector in a very fast paced competetive area. Keep this in mind, and these things totally help me separate work from home life .

1) People are stupid - Most of the worlds population is filled with idiots. The second you let one of them question yourself is when you let them win. Chances are they picked on you because they felt threatened by you some how

2) Go take a a wizz and make sure your hand is all gnarly afterwards and don't wash it. go shake dudes hand, and apologize and say he was right and you're really glad he brought it to your attention. Then sit back and LOl while you watch him eat his lunch

3) despite what the news likes to say, there's still jobs out there. But there will always be senior doooshbaggio in every work place. It's unavoidable. Just have fun with it, I teabagged the door handle of my bosses porsche. it was cool awesome. Then for an entire year i saved up all the incidents where he did or said something stupid and catalogued it. then in our year end meeting i brought it all up, and everyone laughed. Then, his boss (who is half his age) yelled at him for an hour.

Life is good, have fun with it, don't worry about other peoples crappy opinions.

Petewill

thanks for all of the kind words everyone... somehow I managed not to drink and went to the late meeting here and shared about it... I heard somone in the meetings speak about recently getting a dui and losing their job.. so i am glad I did not, who knows what could have happened... still sucks though, everything that is.....

Threshold

Pete, my tendency is to feel the way you do in response to a comment or confrontation with someone.

It doesn't take me to spiral into "what's the use..." mode of thinking.

I've had to remind myself many many times that there are 7 billion people in the world and letting the opinion of one or five define me doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

And, there are a lot of things I am NOT good at. So what. Every person has more things they are NOT good at than they ARE good at. Oh wow...I am human. I cannot tell you how much that bothers me, this "being human" thing.

I have NO idea if the person who made the comment to you even knows you, has a real handle on your work etc. I don't know if you are good at your job or not. I've had jobs I wasn't so great at, and others I've been stellar at.

Getting to a place where I can say, and believe that it's ok if some people don't like me, or understand me, or if there are some things I'm not great at. It is freeing. I can go on and focus on people I like and things I am good at.

I'm not real good at that, but I'm working on it every day. Gratitude list helps a lot. Helps me put things into perspective, because there is SO much I am grateful for. I'm not talking about Pollyanna stuff, I'm talking about being totally honest with myself, even at my worst there were things I am truly grateful for, but the things I wasn't, were the things I was focused on.

Early on (in fact I was still using and drinking) I wrote the following phrase in my recovery journal and it's still true today

"Being human is OK, even when it feels awkward."

DoubleBarrel

With all due respect, I think it is entirely possible to maintain sobriety without passive-aggresively ensuring that people have second hand contact with your genitals.