trailrunrbyday

Hello Friends.
I am on Day 12 sober (had to actually count the days as I am fortunately NOT struggling much at all and not *counting* the days/hours).

I have been attending meetings weekly, found a sponsor and been in a total of FOUR situations where I am with friends, drinks are a part of the evening and I have had to make choices. The following are the scenarios(which I went into every time KNOWING drinks would be offered/flowing).

1. attended a close friends' child's baptism. Obviously none at the church but a dozen CLOSE friends went to a home friday evening to celebrate. My husband and I went, we declined beer(to the SHOCK of our friends) and drank tea easily passing it off as not appropriate as I had to work 3 more hours that evening and husband had to get up at 3:00 a.m. to go to work. We left at 8:30 full of tea, NONE of the people present are aware of my new sobriety and none of them realize I may have an issue so to speak. NO problem not drinking

2. Saturday night - husband's birthday and we arrived at sis in law place for cake etc - again beers flowing freely. I had told husband go ahead and have some if you wish, I brought non alc beer and had 2 - nobody seemed to notice or question and husband had none. Again - nobody present who *knows* about me.

3. Girls night out with 6 close girlfriends to celebrate a birthday. NONE of them *know*. I ordered tonic and lemon/lime - most of them likely assumed it was gin & tonic but the couple sitting closest got the explanation I had to work a bit that night and drive home.

4. friday night went out with another couple - one of which is part of the fellowship 40 yrs sober and his wife who drinks wine and knows all about my choice as her husband is one of my support people. The four of us went out for dinner - I had a tonic with dinner. We then went to a lively intimate concert where wine and beer were avail all night and being drank in copious amounts around me and no problem...enjoyed the evening.

I have had mild urges for a glass or two of wine, easily avoided though. I have now had 3 of 4 occasions where I had a non alc drink or two as I wanted a "drink" but did NOT want the alcohol or effects.

How does everyone feel about how I handled these occasions, and about "drinking' (non alc drinks) on the occasions I would have like to have a beverage and would have normally chose an alc drink....having MORE than enough tea LOL.

I have only told *support* people around me what I am doing. I haven't made a solid plan but figure I will share with close friends that I am no longer drinking when I feel ready.

Not sure when that is...but it's not now.
Thanks.
(for reading a long post and for opinions).

onlythetruth

I think the real question is: how is this working for you? I imagine you aren't exactly comfortable with these drinking events at this point, but do they feel seriously difficult, like you're about to explode, or are they manageable? If they feel manageable, then you are likely on the right track, but keep in mind that your ability to handle drinking events may wax and wane at this stage. One thing you probably would want to always do is make sure you have an "out", a way to leave if you become overwhelmed.

But you're off to a good start! Congrats on your 12 days.

indakut

Sounds like you did good to me! But like OnLYthetruth said, it might be a little too soon. Each person is different. I have 19 months sober and JUST NOW feeling totally comfortable with going out with friends to dinner or even to a bar and not want to drink. Watching them is comical though They think they are having so much fun staggering/ not being in control.

trailrunrbyday

Thank you to both!!! I am having NO problem and not struggling (had a small wistful wish to have a glass of wine following the baptism...close girlfriends and it seemed to appropriate to toast the event) but honestly I went into all with expectations that I may need to pull the plug somehow and was very happy to find it was not a problem.

Saying that I am expecting a situation to catch me off guard and send me spinning so I do prepare with phone numbers and ways *out* wherever I go at this point. Helps having my very supportive husband at my side and not drinking at this point too. He could take or leave alcohol but I suspect he will want a beer at some point out with friends..at this point we talk about it before we go into the situation.

Thanks!

hypochondriac

Well done on managing all that so well this early on! The social occasions I went to in my first weeks of recovery were not my choice and I felt really uncomfortable. Now I am able to go out with friends who are drinking and be totally fine and enjoy myself. But I still find it difficult to handle peoples casualness about alcohol and think at some point I need to tell my friends the real reason I am not drinking. It's all just personal experience. I definitely try to see friends in more non drinking atmospheres now but I don't want to not ever be able to go to bars again. I am seeing how things work out as I go along. I agree that having a get out is a good idea, and occasionally saying no thanks to situations which you think you'll be uncomfortable in. That's something I'm working on x

Sasha4

I think it sounds like you did great and I think you have planned things really well.

You have thought about what you will drink (tea, non alc beer etc) and what you will say (work, getting up early) so to me you are planning really well.

I also believe that you have done great going to these events as they are importna t to you as a family and to your husband and friends. I think if you had not gone you may start feeling resentful about not drinking, do you? Or maybe your husband might feel resentful about you not drinking?

Did it feel good that no-one made a massive deal about your not drinking?
Do you feel proud of yourself?

I think one of the key things is that you have to enkoy being sober and you still have to live life and you have to take part.

I often feel now that I am willing to go to events, parties or meals but I will not drink. I have no problem taking part, joining in, celebrating, but I won't drink. If I am pressured too much to drink (which never happens now) I will leave. I also reserve the right to leave early when the drinken behaviour gets really ropey.

I think you are doing amazing my friend xx



You have to celebrate birthdays, see friends and you cannot hide away all day and all night.

trailrunrbyday

sasha i hug you!

Sasha4

I hug you too!

Remember how worried you were about what others would think about you when you first found us? I bet you don't have very much of that worry now!

I remember how you also said that you if you 'bumped' into someone who was in recovery you would have respect for them and hoped that the same considerations would be returned to you.

You have by upmost respect from me, you really do xx

trailrunrbyday

on that note Sasha....I went to an AA mtg on Tuesday (keeping in mind there are less than 6000 people TOTAL in my town...very small and i know many many people due to my community involvements, being socially outgoing AND I am a well respected business owner)...and there was an individual who is NOT super close with me but he and his wife run in the same social circles we do and they are very very close with the couple my husband and I are closest with. My first reaction(knee jerk) was OMIGODOHNONONONONONONOHEWILLKNOW!!!!

I have not told any close friends at this point.

That feeling lasted mere moments and then I felt gratitude that someone *normal* that I know and respect....was there...for the same reasons I was.

My fear was replaced by gratitude.
It was quite powerful.

CarolD

None of your expereince mirrors mine....my family are non drinkers
my drinking friends long gonre...and I am very open about both
my alcoholism and recovery...

Business situations were solved when I left the work force.
I've been happily divorced for many years.

Yes I often eat out but prefer restaurants that seat me outside of the bar.
The noise and smell of bars is not how I choose to dine.

Well done on your early sobriety..

Rosiepetal

Wow I think you have done amazing.
Well done you for being strong & taking such responsible action.
It must be great to have the support of your partner too.

wallup

You're doing a great job. I've struggled in these situations too, it can be awkward. It does seem to be getting better over time, people just stop asking...haha.

tomsteve

heres my opinion:
non alcoholic beer is for non alcoholics and there is alcohol in it. i have seen a few people who felt it was okay end up drunk.

one of the principles of AA is honesty.

it is not wise for me to ask the lord to lead me from temptation then walk into it.

lilyrosemary

in my opinion, the added conundrum of explaining why you are not drinking, is just one more thing..ya know? does anyone really give a flip if you drink or not? very best wishes to you!!