thislonelygirl

Have been at family member house for two days now and day one after my ah went to check out an outpatient clinic told me late that night that "he might be checking in for detox tomorrow" and that "i dont want to be with him" and that " he should just end his life" . obviously he was drunk and hes done/said that many times before. then day 2 today we talk he sounds sober and i usually pick up on when hes not(not hard to tell with the way he acts) but then again he could have just barely started drinking anyhow we talk a bit and then he gets on the same kick AFTER i told him i love him he as a person is awesome but that the drinking is weighing him down. and he then as we are ending the conversation says ok well ill go because i know you dont want to talk to me or be with me anyways.

what is this low self esteem? trying to turn it around so i will come home and accept his drinking?
Like i said its not the first time hes saaid these things . im use to him saying it he says it so much. sometimes when hes drinking and hes talking down on himself or evryone else in his life and sometimes like now when ive put my foot down about the drinking. i just dont know what to make of it and i dont know if hes going to actually get help. he didnt go back to the clinic today and i dont think he'll go tomorrow. i think hes just going to find excuses talk the way hes been talking for me to want to run to his rescue and go back.

what is it going to take for him to want to change and what is it he is trying to accomplis with the words he says?

Boleo

As long as he is actively drinking, his words are being controlled by his disease, not his heart.

suki44883

He may never want to change, and what he is doing is an attempt at manipulation. If he can make you feel guilty enough, and feel sorry for him enough, maybe you'll come back and things can go back to the way they were. I hope you don't fall for it.

thislonelygirl

god i hope he does though suki 44883.
he left me 8 voicemails last night and called 20 times. i was asleep.
anyhow his voicemails were hateful and irrational. he was drunk and i can tell.
he was telling me im playing games and he hates me.
things like that. NOT playing games......if any one is playing games its him. im not perfect but he cant/shouldnt drink and its caused soooo many problems.
it jsut upsets me because it sounds like hes stringing me along by saying oh i talked to this person and oh i might do this and do that.....telling me he will try something about his drinking but really he hasnt tried anything! its all been talk and he gets a week off from work every month and three to four days every week. alot of time off so i dont understand considering that he doesnt work alllllll the time and that so much and i mean so much has happened because of his drinking why he continues to make excuses and blame everyone else. he hasnt even gone to an aa meeting. im sitting her not because "i dont want to be with him" but because i do care about him and he needs help.

thislonelygirl

i believe that too . his mind is warped by alcohol. if he just got help and stayed sober he would be soooooo much better. but sadly he denies the seriousness of whats going on here.