Alice Wonder

you are doing fine rotten. you can do this.

In memory of miracle

I know! The monkeys off my back but the circus is still in town!! Feel -ya!

Me2

I once learned a vital spiritual lesson. As a Chrsitian I was always looking for the .44 Magnum from my adversary. Yet I soon learned a hundrd shots from a BB gun is just as deadly just a little slower. So it is with the Alcoholic, its easy to drive past the bar but much harder to root out the thoughts we entertain as we drift off to sleep after passing a beer billboard. Unless we fight the battle everday, on every level we all may just be waiting for that final BB. Rotten your no different than us all,excpet you may be a lot more honest...you can begin just where you left off...just a lot wiser this time. I once heard a Pastor say the measure of a man isnt how fast he goes down but how fast he gets back up.Just work on the BB's dude...BB's are a lot harder to see but once youve felt thier deadly sting you will be a lot more able to recognize and defend against them....steve

NotThatThirsty

I like the BB metaphor.... It reminds me of my past relapses in that some time before the actual drinking, my mind had already relapsed into those old patterns... those subtle behaviors (now more obvious to me) that set me up to drink... Just one of those behaviors alone isn't much but in numbers they can kill. My adversary isn't the Alcohol itself. Alcohol doesn't have any effect on me unless I drink it. Then all hell breaks loose! So can I blame the Alcohol? No, it was fine untill I picked it up and Drank it... It wasn't hurting anyone. I did it to myself! The alcohol was just doing it's job. Reminds me of the story where the boy sees a snake and the snake convinces the boy he won't hurt him, so the boy picks up the snake... I guess they become friends or whatever and one day the snake bites him and the boy's like "Why did you bite me? I thought we were friends!" to which the snake replies "Foolish boy, you knew what I was when you picked me up!"
I don't know about the rest of you folks, but I had to get bit a multitude of times before I quit picking up snakes! Like no matter how bad the bite was the last time, I'd somehow convince myself that I wouldn't get bit this time...
Anyhoo, back on topic:
Rotten, You're just about at 7 days! That's friggin' awesome!
It makes me feel warm inside to know that all around God's Green Earth there's people with whom I share this bond! Just keep doing it!

-Josh

Rotten

Hi Folks, sorry about the slow reply, but I'm having computer problems. I'm still sober though yesterday was a real struggle. Exactly a week after my last drink and also trying to extract payment from the client from hell. Also it was a Wednesday, which has a kind of Pavlovian reaction for me. I spent 3/4 years on unemployment and used to get my payment every other Wed and spend about a quarter of it on food/bills etc and go out and get hammered with the rest and then spend the next two weeks subsisting and waiting for the following Wed. Oh, happy days.
I still haven't got on top of my thinking, I'm keeping myself on track with the idea I will have another binge in 3 months time for a week. Not, the brightest of ideas but for the moment it's working.
Thanks for the thing about the bb's Steve, you suprised me with your lovely thought, I'd formed a very different idea of you from your posts on the other thread.
Josh, Alice, Lee, Dot, Chy, Trish and Gianna, good to see you all here and sober, and thanks very much for your words and thoughts. Hopefully I will stick with this and not have the binge I am promising.

IMHomerSimpson

hey rotten,whats up? I just read this post and it was kinda like looking at one of my posts.Most of all when u wrote:"I still haven't got on top of my thinking, I'm keeping myself on track with the idea I will have another binge in 3 months time for a week. Not, the brightest of ideas but for the moment it's working." I use that same kind of "technique" just to keep me sober for short periods of time.Its not to promising to make life better in the long run,but just to get some sober time is always a help to me.take care and stick with the whole 3 months

Jhana

Hi Rotten and Homer,

Goodness, it isn't worth it to drink!! How much have I tried in my life to drink and have a different result. In fact when I am drinking, I not only don't have a different result, I have the same d*** experience (which I usually don't remember) day after day. So much more interesting to experience all the richness life has to offer when one is sober.

I have special feelings for both of you; hang in there!

Gianna

In memory of miracle

((((rotten))))-Dont worry about that next binge,we do it one day at a time...hope you are well and hangin in there! Trish. :council: We are pullin for ya! Peace....

Jeff_C

Relapse sure is NOT an unknown quantity when it comes to recovery. Of course actually picking up the drink or drug is the last thing that happens in that process, rather than the first. And as me2 suggests it’s the “small stuff� that we always end up tripping over,----------------------and it’s all small stuff.

You’re back and you’re abstinent. Learning to comfortable enough in our own skin sufficient to continuing the “process� is what it’s all about, and I guess the question that I’d pose is.; “What’s your plan?�
Jeff

Chy

I can't think about the "what if's" of the future. It simply makes me crazy. But I can live in the moment, keep it simple, don't dialogue with myself over that cold one and I can chalk up another day. Any day sober is a good day!

NotThatThirsty

Heya Rotten,
I'd encourage you to not think about 3 months down the road. Just focus on today. What things can you do to stay sober today? Do those things just for today and at the end of the day before you go to bed, say "Thank-You!" When I think things like "when this or that happens or when I get to this point, then I'll drink" it's called a Reservation. It's literally reserving a seat for Alcohol. It's like the Alcohol is gone right now, and I'll be working on my recovery until I've got some time between me and my last drink and then I'll start getting complacent and the planets will align just right and this or that will happen so I'll feel justified in having a drink... That's how a reservation works for me. Does that make sense? If you don't want to drink Today that's all that matters, just stay in today. The best way to get past that 3 month reservation is to forget about it! If you just do each day what you can do for that day to stay sober, 3 months will come and go before you know it!
Keep coming back, Rotten!
-Josh

Rotten

Hi Folks,
I nkow it's a mad idea, but I'm still going for the three months dry thing - I can't face a lifetime ahead of me with no blow outs. I'm still sober and have been doing a lot of thinking and I need that debauched side of me. There's only so much 'nice' and normality I can take. I need that dark side, depravity, dirtiness. It blows the **** away in my brain - the stresses and worries of my everyday life that I allow to gather and stress me out. Of course the idea has met with universal head-shaking, including my own, I know that it is a completely insane idea, but I need to ride with it.
On the spooky-spiritual-synchronicity front things have been pretty kooky:- I have been dreaming of my previous ex-girlfriend (not ex-fiancee for those in the know) who I spent 6 years with drinking and fighting and have known that I needed to see her. (In one dream I was holding ex-f and she morphed into ex-gf). Anyway, i went to a mutual friend's birthday party (usually he only invites one of us alternately) and she was there. Background: in the six years we were together we argued and drank and made up, argued, drank and made up, argued, drank, made uo; drank, argued and made up - you get the picture, kind of tempestuous. So there she was, and my feeling was... thank the **** I am no longer with you.
The spooky thing about this is I haven't seen her for months and today I am picking ex-F up from airport, just to see how things go. Now, if I had been drinking this would have all been different, cause I wouldn't of been able to see waht was in front of my eyes, just what I wanted to be there.
SO, I can without doubt see the benefits of sobriety, but not for ever.
I guess I'm not the messiah, just a very naughty boy.
(apologies to monty python)
Rotten

Justme57

Morning Rotten ( gawd I hate typing that name , lol you should change it )

How are things with you today my friend ? As you know , I am a " one day at a time " person too, for me , projection just sets me up.

hey ! Rotten, i hope all goes well with picking up the x F , just dont go with high expectations, take it as it comes . of course , you will be able to see more clearly now that you are sober

Good Luck A

HUGX

Lee