Sungrl

My ABF of two yrs, not even 3 months ago was a unemployed, near homeless, binge drinker and occasional drug user. (coke, pot, and I am honestly not sure what else) He spent the month of july on a parole hold due to his drinking and drugging. He was transferred to a sober house at the beginning of September. He is now employed with a good job, and has obviously been sober since that time. He has not gome to AA. or adopted any plan of recovery. Is forced to go to AODA group meetings he never talks about and hates going to. He hasnt stuck to the weekly meetings. He is going to get his own place in January. Is he serious about staying sober. We dont talk about it. I still have huge mistrust issues. He has a super addictive pleople pleasing personality and gets bored so easily. I cant go through another two years of his past behavior. I understand you are not fortune tellers, but given my story. Do you see him sticking with recovery??

tammy711

I don't think anyone can predict your ABF's ability to stay sober. Neither can you. All you can do is work on you. What is your story? Are you happy? Are you living a full, healthy life? Are there changes you should make?

You should set boundaries with your ABF. If he doesn't want to talk about his recovery, then he doesn't want to talk about it.

What do you guys have in common?




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Sungrl

Hi , thanks for responding. I am happy. I have a great job, great friends, family and my awesome semi grown children. I do not pressure him to talk at all, but I guess I feel I deserve something. We have alot in common. We are getting to know each other again but ... it's hard and I am working on day by day. Just horrified to think he may drink again. It will kill him.

zanzibar

Hi Sungrl, whether he does or not is completly in his court. All you can do is try and be supportive while taking care of you. Pushing will only push him in further as it will give him the excuse to. The trust issues will take time regardless of the outcome. Take care, I really hope the best for you. I agree with Tammy boundries should be set and enforced.

Sungrl

So true on all counts, thank you.

soberlicious

A formal program does not ensure success. Many people are self-recovered. As others have said, there really isn't a predictor. In any event, once-addicted people can and do recover and live happy healthy lives. I wish that for him and for you.

CarolD

Glad you have a supportive circle already in place...but unless
they have real knowledge on dealing with addiction...

I strongly suggest you find a local Al anon group...that is a
good place to find support for yourself...

Of course you and your children must come first..romance can wait.
All my best ...

DAB

No,
I don't see him sticking with his recovery.
That's just my opinion though, only based on my own past experience.

oh2exhale

Hi Sungrl- I hope you are able to gain a sense of stability in your life that does not depend on someone elses behavior. I hope that doesn't sound harsh, not meant as such. Get real clear on what you will and will not tolerate from yourself and others and that will bring you some peace. Al-Anon is great as well as books on bounaries/codependency.(hugs) Wish you the best!

instant

I just hear alarm bells

I hope it works out for you

Sungrl

Thanks everyone, Oh2exhale, I did not take your words as harsh. I log on to SR everyday to get the brutal honest truth. I expect that here. I do not depend on him for anything. His past has shown me he is not someone I can depend on. It is simply that I love him. Still can't figure that one out. I will communicate my boundaries to him as cleary as I can. I am hoping for the best, expecting the worst. I have no problem moving on. My friends and fam don't understand why I still hang in there. Most days I dont know that myself. Have been working up to Alanon. I feel it will be sooner rather then later.