not new
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: northeast
Posts: 142
not new
not new to this ebb and flow of a disease. Thats what makes it so disturbing. you can all go see my history in past posts. not that it matters. what matters most right now is that I would like to truly embrace sobriety. I know that it comes from me and only me. I am fine until the 5 p.m. hour when something in me must go and take 10 drinks. I am fine the next morning. obviously not as fine as I could be but still waking up at 5 a.m. and functioning with little but a cloudy head and dry mouth. a serious tolerance that has become a crutch. I sat and watched people in an AA meeting gather outside. I did this just to see it. I'm not sure that they or anyone other than myself can do this. I have tried AVRT, CBT, etc...I have tried a counselor. I have tried stopping but it is just too easy to open the first bottle and feel my mind stop racing in circles. For those in AA and other things lie AVRT, I'm not sure that you can help. What I would like most, is a message from people who simply put the bottle down and went on. I have a great support system that I have not yet tapped into because I am embarrassed. advice and support appreciated. for all those sober, congratulations
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
I guess I'm one who 'just put the bottle down' - although my drinking nearly killed me, and it took a lot of commitment and energy to stay sober.
I wrote this a few years back but it still fits...
I think if we want change we need to make changes - and the more we need change the more changes we need to make.
I guess the question is how much are you prepared to change?
what are you prepared to do wonderfulife?
I will tell you one thing - it's a hard road - if you have a great support network, get over your embarrassment and use it.
This really is one of those life and death struggles, IMO.
D
I wrote this a few years back but it still fits...
I think most folks know my story.
The turning point for me was acceptance - acceptance that I was an alcoholic - and the acceptance that I could not drink 'like everyone else'.
So I stopped drinking. I did everything I could to maintain that commitment. I still do, nearly 3 years on - every day.
I nearly died, so fear played a large part in that - I also spent a lot of time here@ SR reaching out, and a lot of time tossing and turning, kicking the walls and deliberately not going out when all I wanted was to run down the road and get a bottle.
It's not easy but I believe it is possible to do that and not give in to the inner voice. The folks here helped me immensely by giving me faith in myself when I had none.
But yeah, not drinking only got me so far. I see not drinking as only the first step in a long journey. I had to change the person I was too.
My alcoholism *became* all pervasive but I believe I *started* to drink for definite reasons - mostly to fill a void within myself.
To heal my 'void', the first step is to stop poisoning myself with drink. I then had to get into what the void was, and how best I could start healing it.
It was a paradox for me to discover that the way towards that was not by thinking more about it, but actually thinking less, and doing more.
I did a lot of service work here, and still do because it helps me to be of service and to give back after many years of taking. It also helps keep me grounded and in perspective.
I also rediscovered my spiritual side - my initial recovery was secular - just don't drink...but it's hard to ignore the wonder in this world when you really start to recover.
It's hard for me to drink when I'm connected to the world in a more than a material way, and when I'm humble and grateful for the blessings I get everyday.
You know I could go on, but that's enough really LOL.
I'm not looking to start a school - I hope my experience helps others but I'm just a guy who found what he needed because he really wanted to quit and he looked hard enough for the way that worked for him.
I encourage everyone to do that. Start the process right away tho - don't wait for 'your way' to fall into your lap - you'll only find 'your way' by going out looking for it, trying a bunch of stuff - and not drinking.
I learned from every single step on my journey - successes and mistakes, friends and foe alike.
But I always kept walking forwards, not backwards
The turning point for me was acceptance - acceptance that I was an alcoholic - and the acceptance that I could not drink 'like everyone else'.
So I stopped drinking. I did everything I could to maintain that commitment. I still do, nearly 3 years on - every day.
I nearly died, so fear played a large part in that - I also spent a lot of time here@ SR reaching out, and a lot of time tossing and turning, kicking the walls and deliberately not going out when all I wanted was to run down the road and get a bottle.
It's not easy but I believe it is possible to do that and not give in to the inner voice. The folks here helped me immensely by giving me faith in myself when I had none.
But yeah, not drinking only got me so far. I see not drinking as only the first step in a long journey. I had to change the person I was too.
My alcoholism *became* all pervasive but I believe I *started* to drink for definite reasons - mostly to fill a void within myself.
To heal my 'void', the first step is to stop poisoning myself with drink. I then had to get into what the void was, and how best I could start healing it.
It was a paradox for me to discover that the way towards that was not by thinking more about it, but actually thinking less, and doing more.
I did a lot of service work here, and still do because it helps me to be of service and to give back after many years of taking. It also helps keep me grounded and in perspective.
I also rediscovered my spiritual side - my initial recovery was secular - just don't drink...but it's hard to ignore the wonder in this world when you really start to recover.
It's hard for me to drink when I'm connected to the world in a more than a material way, and when I'm humble and grateful for the blessings I get everyday.
You know I could go on, but that's enough really LOL.
I'm not looking to start a school - I hope my experience helps others but I'm just a guy who found what he needed because he really wanted to quit and he looked hard enough for the way that worked for him.
I encourage everyone to do that. Start the process right away tho - don't wait for 'your way' to fall into your lap - you'll only find 'your way' by going out looking for it, trying a bunch of stuff - and not drinking.
I learned from every single step on my journey - successes and mistakes, friends and foe alike.
But I always kept walking forwards, not backwards
I guess the question is how much are you prepared to change?
what are you prepared to do wonderfulife?
I will tell you one thing - it's a hard road - if you have a great support network, get over your embarrassment and use it.
This really is one of those life and death struggles, IMO.
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 3,360
If I could have put the bottle down when I first wanted to, I would have been sober about 20 years now, instead of a little over 6 months. There might be people who have just done it with enough motivation. I did meet one, he had a bad health diagnosis and that did it for him.
I have tried various ways to achieve longterm (forever) sobriety. At this point I am using a combination of methods, things I learned from therapy, AA, Smart, AVRT and SR which has been an enormous help to me. I also have a sober person, not a sponsor, I confide in as necessary. This seems to be working for now. If I need more tools, I will seek out what works/discard what doesn't. I hope you can find what works best for yourself...take care.
I have tried various ways to achieve longterm (forever) sobriety. At this point I am using a combination of methods, things I learned from therapy, AA, Smart, AVRT and SR which has been an enormous help to me. I also have a sober person, not a sponsor, I confide in as necessary. This seems to be working for now. If I need more tools, I will seek out what works/discard what doesn't. I hope you can find what works best for yourself...take care.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 18
Join the club. I went for 8 months completely sober, going to meetings, doing the steps, etc. Then I just gave it all up because I had serious cravings. I just said what the heck one drink won't matter. It progressed until I came home from work and drank at lunch and then snuck a bottle into work and drank all afternoon. I had never done that before. I knew then that I was in serious trouble.
I am now doing 90 in 90 and getting serious again. I am afraid of what might happen. Remember, every bottom has a trap door.
I am now doing 90 in 90 and getting serious again. I am afraid of what might happen. Remember, every bottom has a trap door.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 173
Please download a PDF file of chapter three of the AA big book. In order to get help, we need a certain amount of leveling our pride-not one of us wanted to admit that we needed help. The best person to help is another person who has done this. I wish you the best!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: deep south
Posts: 58
i'm on of those who just quit after 25 years of drinking. my motivation is my health and the urge to live. i want to see my family grow up. i want to be there for them. i've only been sober about 5wks and the only one i've told is my wife. i've had some urges to drink, but honestly haven't had a rough go of it. i haven't been to meetings although i'm not opposed to them. i do believe in a higher power and ask for help frequently. i feel better and stronger everyday. i do use this site as well as the chat room. it's my way of listening and learning how to move forward. i do my best not to worry about the future. i try to stay focused on the present. i do everything i used to do...i just do it sober. also, as some have heard me say before, no one notices that i'm not drinking except me. it's almost funny. i thought everyone would notice. so, i'm one of those people who just dropped it like a hot potatoe. ask again in a few months and hopefully i'll still be kickin' like a chickin'.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
I stopped drinking without a formal program. But I did it after I came to the decision that I just wasn't going to drink again no matter what. If you haven't tried AA it might be worth a shot. It does help a lot of people. I went for a while and liked the fellowship, but it wasn't for me. I've been sober close to two years, so yes it is possible to quit drinking and just get on with your life. I did.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
It was after 35 years of drinking that I just put the bottle down. There was some wild soul searching that went on that morning of August 22, 2011, but it took only a few minutes to make my choice to quit drinking, no matter what.
I advocate for AVRT but only because it closely describes what I started to do that morning, long before I knew anything about it. The SMART ideas were accepted and understood by me as plain as the nose on my face, even when I was drinking. I believe even more strongly now that we can choose sobriety by deciding to no longer drink. We just need some more skills to deal effectively with our daily challenges, instead of indulging ourselves with booze in a futile attempt to cope.
I used to think that opening that vodka bottle was the easy way out, but that way of life was hard. This is so much easier now. When the booze goes, the mind stops racing quite so much all the time, and things begin to make sense again. I hope you find the same to be true for you.
I advocate for AVRT but only because it closely describes what I started to do that morning, long before I knew anything about it. The SMART ideas were accepted and understood by me as plain as the nose on my face, even when I was drinking. I believe even more strongly now that we can choose sobriety by deciding to no longer drink. We just need some more skills to deal effectively with our daily challenges, instead of indulging ourselves with booze in a futile attempt to cope.
I used to think that opening that vodka bottle was the easy way out, but that way of life was hard. This is so much easier now. When the booze goes, the mind stops racing quite so much all the time, and things begin to make sense again. I hope you find the same to be true for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: northeast
Posts: 142
Dee,
I want to respond to you first after I read your post and before I read the other ones. You said that the question was how much I wanted to change? For me, I think that the final piece lies in telling both family and friends of my struggles. In all honesty, I am scared to death to do so, but am also so tired of living the skipping CD of an alcoholic life. My wife will support me. I know that. She is growing tired of this but is giving me space. We have 16 years together. We are 35. "Get over it". I know. but its hard to walk down from the captains deck and state that for some time you were not really piloting the ship. How will they separate the me from the disease. My true fear is that they will see me only for this disease/issue. Again, thanks for everything.
WL
I want to respond to you first after I read your post and before I read the other ones. You said that the question was how much I wanted to change? For me, I think that the final piece lies in telling both family and friends of my struggles. In all honesty, I am scared to death to do so, but am also so tired of living the skipping CD of an alcoholic life. My wife will support me. I know that. She is growing tired of this but is giving me space. We have 16 years together. We are 35. "Get over it". I know. but its hard to walk down from the captains deck and state that for some time you were not really piloting the ship. How will they separate the me from the disease. My true fear is that they will see me only for this disease/issue. Again, thanks for everything.
WL
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
actaually I found when I reached out for help and got sober, I rebuilt a lot of relationships my drinking had damaged.
I'm not remembered as Dee the drunk anymore...I'm not the guy who acts weird or cries off responsibilities or doesn't turn up for things because he's trying to juggle an addiction along with everything else...
I'm back to being a guy people trust and respect
D
I'm not remembered as Dee the drunk anymore...I'm not the guy who acts weird or cries off responsibilities or doesn't turn up for things because he's trying to juggle an addiction along with everything else...
I'm back to being a guy people trust and respect
D
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
WL,
I too was petrified of telling my family and friends the truth about myself. I thought they would not love me anymore. I thought they loved the facade I hid behind all those years. I thought if I took that away and let them see the real me, the me that not only wasn't perfect but was a drunk for God's sake, they'd all reject me.
But that isn't what happened. Turns out my real friends didn't actually love the facade at all; they'd wanted me to stop playing that game for years. My fears were groundless.
I too was petrified of telling my family and friends the truth about myself. I thought they would not love me anymore. I thought they loved the facade I hid behind all those years. I thought if I took that away and let them see the real me, the me that not only wasn't perfect but was a drunk for God's sake, they'd all reject me.
But that isn't what happened. Turns out my real friends didn't actually love the facade at all; they'd wanted me to stop playing that game for years. My fears were groundless.
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