mwstylee

I woke up this morning...day 8....with full intentions to go buy a bottle of Stoli and "just have a couple" because it's a nice autumn day outside. I made a deal with myself - this time WILL BE DIFFERENT. I'll just have 2, maybe 3 drinks.

The thing is, I don't trust that voice inside of me. NEVER in my life have I only had a couple. How can it be different this time? I've been sitting here for 8 hours with this crazy internal conflict on whether to buy that vodka or not. I don't think this is normal. I don't think normal people sit around the house for 8 hours with thoughts going a mile a minute about buying alcohol.

I feel borderline insane right now. A part of me thinks I'll have 2 drinks and another part of me wants to have 20. 6 more hours and the day is over. That feels very far away.

Have a good Sunday, all.

doggonecarl

Of course you are feeling insane. Alcoholism, to me, is a form of insanity. A persistent form, as you are finding out.

That voice is your addiction, loud and clear. Do whatever it takes to ignore it, but don't drink. Else the whole crazy ride starts over again.

Best of luck and stay strong.

Dee74

The more I ignored that voice and reached out for help, the longer I stayed sober...and the longer I stayed sober and worked on my recovery the weaker that voice became mwstylee.

Stick with it

D

Lenina

It's the addictive voice. Here's a very good link to read through. AVRT is a very technique. Check it out. Its helped me lots.

Love From Lenina

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...iscussion.html

Thepatman

Yep, your AV is talking. Unless you learn how to understand that it is NOT you but a seperate part of you it will drive you nuts. Hang in there!

fluffyflea

[


Go to a meeting,call someone you are right it won,t be any different this time.




B][/B]

CarolD

One of the pluses for me in early sobriety was the fact I had
connected to AA. There is where I met others who understood
the urge to drink....and were there to help me stay sober....

Here I am....still sober and enjoying a lifestyle without alcohol
or hearing voices no mental obcession..

8 days can be the beginning of your new future...please give
yourself time to discover the benefits....

mwstylee

Thanks for the replies. I think I'm at a safer place mentally now. I went for a 2 hour walk in the woods and just got back...feeling pretty tired but a lot more positive. I've just set my alarm for 5:30am - ready to wake up sober and go to work tomorrow.

I've been toying with the idea of AA lately. I tried a meeting once and said no way. I just don't want to keep living like this ...wasting hours a day fighting myself on whether to drink or not. This is far from normal.

Gottalife

Glad you got through that one. As you are contemplating AA I thought perhaps I could share my early mornings with you as a point of reference. For the first few weeks, similar to your experience but after maybe 6 weeks, the obsession was taken away. I wake up and think about the day ahead, I ask God to help me do the right things, and to guide me in what I can do for the person who is still sick. I do not even think about alcohol, it just doesn't come up. That problem was removed and has been gone for more that 32 years. I'm just free to get on with life. If that's what you want, that's what AA did for me.

God bless,
MikeH.

sugarbear1

I just wanted ONE, every night for ten years and continuously drank 6 or much more, nightly! Talk about insanity! *oops*

freshstart57

Like Lenina and ThePatman said, learning to identify which thoughts are 'true' ones and which ones are pointing you back to that bottle is a very useful skill. There aren't any voices of course, that is just a figure of speech that emphasizes the idea that we can tell the difference between our rational desires and the thoughts that come from that addiction urge. You might think it is an easy distinction, but the line can get a little fuzzy, especially when we get thoughts of self doubt and not being able to stop drinking. Start by believing in yourself and your ability to quit, because you can!

Angel8

Reminds me of the time someone at AA once said, "Alcoholism is the only disease that talks to you." I can relate to the trying to stay sober and battling those thoughts that feel like they are trying to take over and control me. It's pretty stressful, but I'm hanging on one day at a time. Congrats on all your time sober!

Dmarcha

I am in that same boat with you, only on day one. The shakes are crazy, and I tell myself I will just drink enough to stop the shakes. Called some doctors to see if they would prescribe me something but no one will as an out patient. I just keep telling myself my daughter deserves more than this. I hate drinking!