wallup

Hi all,

Just wanted to put this down as a reminder for myself. Today I drove to a liquor store for no rhyme or reason... it was like my sub-conscience was driving. I spent almost an hour sitting in my car watching people come and go from the store.

I haven't had a craving like this since the first 30 days. Thankfully I pulled away and am sober tonight. I can't tell you how many times I've relapsed in this same scenario. I promised myself I would reach out and re-read my list of reasons for quitting before I ever drank again, maybe that's what is different this time.

I guess I need to spend more time on this board and attending AA meetings (I used to go daily to the online ones). This was a harsh reminder for myself in just how much alcohol has woven itself into my thought process from the years of drinking. Thanks

Ragamuffin

SO much strength in you wallup. The beast can get you at anytime, now you have the power to tell it no. Awesome Keep on keepin on

Rosiepetal

Good for you for fighting it & recognising it & seeing how far you have come already.
Respect.

Veritas1

Did you have anyone's phone number with you? I have found myself outside of a store and calling my AA contacts. It saved me many times.

Fandy

Wallup!
Come here and tell us before you drive to the store. Go for a walk, grocery shop, anything. Anna once told me that cravings will last about 7 mins. I actually timed it, i think i cleaned my toilet or started laundry, and found out she was correct!

Nevertheless

Congrats on not drinking. I had a close call like that at the 6 month mark,where I pulled into the parking lot of a beer store. It was a close call,but I think it got easier after that. It was like my addiction was putting up one last fight (it was a doozie). But I think my "problem" at that point learned I just wasn't giving in.
Be careful out there.
Fred

wallup

No I didn't have it with me, I should put it in my wallet now. Thanks for the reminder.

davaidavai

Alcohol was my favorite thing. There was nothing I liked more. I still have drinking dreams. Such strange things, so real. I loved going to the liquor store. Buying a new bottle of something nice, what a great feeling, the first few drinks, what a great feeling. Everything else, uh, not so great.

Itchy

Glad for you. For the record all I had left drinking morning to night and sick every morning was a loathing for it. I was no longer attracted to it, just addicted to it. I quit with a 7 day in hospital detox. That was a little more than two years ago. Never looked back. I don't plan or fear relapse anymore. But my first year had a lot of habitual thinking involved. Iy was six months before it really started to change for me.

instant

When early in recovery I learned value of a daily dose of SR. I joined the daily support thread for the next month and it was invaluable. Coming to SR instead of drinking is always a good idea.

MrDavid

Well, look at it this way wallup; you didn’t go through with it this time around. Maybe there’s a compelling reason as to why, or maybe fate hasn’t played its final hand just yet. However, unclear that may be. Well you’re still sober and for that be grateful. The rest is in a category of its own, kind of like my last escapade. I filed that under the not so infamous heading: What the heck was I thinking? Believe me, you’re not the first one to try this. And probably not the last either. I only hope it has the same just reward, I hope.

I’ve also been there myself wallup, but not just liquor stores mind you –bars too and anything else in between. I guess recovery was still just an afterthought and not the sober reality it was cracked up to be. But then again so were my numerous relapses. If you really think about it, this should fall under the category of ‘relapse prevention’ right about now. It’s a not so gentle reminder to stay the course no matter how difficult life may seem.

That’s how sobriety works after all. It provides us with a ‘true’ sense of relief, while allowing us to explore those helpful confines that always seems to elude us, somehow. When you combine that knowledge with a powerful entity like ‘spirituality’, along with some much needed recovery dialogue, then you’ll definitely have the makings of a real life sober drama just without the alcohol 'fix' anymore. Something I learned all too well. We should always ‘steer clear’ of any undue circumstance, just like the liquor store. It's the only sober decision that makes any real sense, if only for today. Thanks again for keeping it green.

Blondie0419

Good for you for standing strong! I like the idea of reading your list of reasons you stopped drinking, seems like that really helped. How do you like the AA online? I have been thinking about doing that.

CarolD

5 months? Super....

Hopeworks

One of the fascinating things I learned about the brain and alcoholism is that even an alcoholic image however fleeting can release chemicals in the brain for the alcoholic. And of course when the brain is allowed to continue to think about drinks, a liquor store or viewing imagery of alcohol it is releasing feel good chemicals and attempting to induce the body to drink.

In recovery your brain is trying to rewire itself back to normal neural pathways and this can take up to 2 years and it is very good to stay away from old haunts and places that bring back those old images and memories.

Even after two years many alcoholics report having occasional drinking dreams, thoughts and cravings decades after stopping drinking.

This is why keeping the brain focused on recovery is so important... keep that brain busy with the "right thoughts" and stay away from old places, people and things and may people have more success with long, long term recovery and sobriety.

Zebra1275

Good for you for not going in and buying something. That was pretty close! If it were me I'd get to an AA meeting ASAP.

wallup

Thanks all for the tips and support. It really is appreciated.

I do like it a lot because it fits my personality. Though even the kind folks in the online meetings encourage you to have face to face meetings, they use the online meetings as more of a supplement. I usually find peace is reading and listening to other people's shares.