DoubleBarrel

Ive got a friend who was completely out of control all summer, and is mad that I don't hang out with him like I used to.
The truth is, I can't stand his behavior, but I've tolerated him because I've known him so long.
The crazy part is, he's actually the one totally cutting me out of his life. I guess he can't stand his old drinking buddy sober.

Not sure what my point is, just venting about his passive aggressive behavior. He never comes right out with his anger, unless he's really drunk.
I might just have to write this one off. I guess it bothers me because I normally consider myself a loyal friend, but everyone I know sees how off the rails he is.

Oh well.

Petewill

I can totally relate DoubleBarrel, when I do hang out with this person, I do it because I too was such an a... when drunk and he tolerated me.. so, i feel I kind of owe it to him - but that is probably not a good thing.

YVRguy

Well I think we are all off the rails to some degree when we drink. I know when I drink my tolerance for some things goes way up and for other things way down.

I'd be setting it straight with him and worry less about what other people say about him

SoberCAH

I had to stop most of my contact with my best drinking buddy for the first several years I was sober because it simply conured up too many memories that I didn't need to mentally re-visit while I was trying to learn to live a different lifestyle.

After a few years, though, I felt comfortable re-establishing a relationship with him.

I don't preach to him about drinking, and, as a result, he talks to me about his drinking when he from time to time contemplates trying to get sober.

There is no part of that garbage lifestyle I want back, nor do I want the health issues that his alcoholism has caused him.

freshstart57

He: I liked you better when you were drinking.
Sober me: I know! I liked you better when I was drinking too.

tomsteve

it was hard for me to accpt my so called friends didnt want to be around me when i got into recovery. when i see them i am friendly with em. i had to understand that they were sick, just like i was. i have had one time i can remember right off hand that one of them old friends was rather beligerant towards me. he was drunk at the time. i made it clear i was sorry he flet tht way but i wasnt gonna be his doormat, then walked away.

David 1

The crazy thing is I felt like once I got sober, I found out who my real friends are. I had to change my lifestyle in order to stay sober. So my real friends respected that and supported me.

Dave

THEOjibway

I had a drinking buddy too, all we knew what to do was drink. When I was trying to sober up before AA.... I invited him over to my house for a dry hang out which he agreed to since he knew I was trying to sober up and prove we weren't just drinking each time. We sat in my basement and didn't say much, we had nothing to talk about because we were sober, he left within an hour because we were bored. He never stopped being my buddy though, we reunited a week ago to chat and i told him I've been sober a year and 2 months now and he was proud. He told me he goes for an occasional beer but doesn't drink the way he use to with me. each their own, some can drink like fish and stop whenever they want where others like me... I obsessed on wanting to drink each time once per week. If anything I cut him off from being friends because all I knew with him was to drink, but I was on my way to a friends party and we met up at a pizza place and ate and talked and caught up. It was nice to actually be able to communicate and see the genuine look on his face as he saw the difference in me and he smiled. Sorry to hear about your buddy, but maybe that was all he knew you for was drinking. Now that you sobered up and dont do it, maybe he has an issue himself that he needs to identify within his own mind because it sounds like he can't accept you stopped drinking. Maybe he wants it too but who knows. Don't be upset that he is upset at you, don't take his inventory. If he comes around he will, if not. Just focus on what you need to do to stay sober yourself and be proud. I am, i'm proud I'm sober today and talking to a girl whose interested in maybe seeing me as a boyfriend and I wouldn't be able to do this without being sober I just know it. Good luck and I hope I didn't run the wrong way with your situation here I hope I stayed on topic lol

Butterflyblue

When I drank, I resented those friends who told me I drank too much. I called them buzz killers. Swore I'd never hang out with them again. Deep inside, I wished I could be like them. I wished I didn't have this relationship with alcohol. Truth of the matter is, real friends care what you are doing to hurt yourself.

Your friend may be feeling the way I did. But you have to worry about you. We all do.

comingoutsober

What if I told you my best drinking buddy is always there? Regardless of the time or place, I can call on him to keep me company, and even though I really don't agree with his choices, I still enable him, still drink with him whenever he wants?

Now what if I told you my drinking buddy is me? It makes no sense, I know, but the person I drink with most comfortably is me, and I am my own enabler.

I guess my point is, count yourself lucky that you at least have a drinking buddy outside of yourself, one you can choose to spend time from or even leave behind for the betterment of yourself. It hurts to leave old friends behind, but you can do it. Those old friends can't control you like mine.

David 1

comingoutsober, I often drank alone late at night so I can relate. In some way, I tried to hide my drinking which as we all know is not good.

Dave

Jeni26

My friendship circle are all active alcoholics/heavy drinkers. I've not really had a problem dropping out of the social scene. I've spent 6 months concentrating on sorting myself out and it has been time well spent as I recently had my first re-connection with them and it went well. I managed a good sober evening but it did sort of reinforce how far away I've moved. I don't think I will be in a hurry to repeat it.
The only real regret I have is my closest friend who means the world to me is married to an alcoholic. Many evenings we spent together were ruined by his behaviour as he lurches between extreme anger/melancholy/irritability and tended to storm off in a huff at some point. When we were all drinking together his actions were still extreme but when we were all drunk it was easy to just ignore him and carry on. He was one of the main reasons I decided to face up to my own drinking back in March. I supposed I should be grateful to him for that!
Anyway we haven't had an evening together since, and I really miss her. She is a normal drinker I would say. But her husband is very needy and doesn't like her to meet up with me on our own. I think she knows if the 2 of us went out on our own she would inevitably return to find him drunk. So we don't socialise any more.
We talk and text all the time. We are like sisters but I still miss our evenings.
As much as I feel that loss, I am still prepared to put my sobriety first. And my H who is also 6 months sober has asked that we don't invite them over for Christmas as we have done traditionally for years. I respect his opinion on this.
Letting go can be hard, but this is life or death for us x

paul99

Well said, Jeni.

The old expression of changing our playmates and our playgrounds comes to mind. I was a secretive, solo drinker, and it had been many, many years since I had gone out to a bar with friends, so I haven't had this kind of problem, but I have had to let go of many ideas, behaviors, and other things that didn't serve me. I still do to this day.

Letting go not only lightens the load, but frees me and allows more space for new, positive things to come in. If anything, it just gives me a good night's sleep

Fandy

I've found my real friends don't care if i drink booze. They've been nothing but supportive and kind. I'm older, so its not so much a bar scene, but every single one knows i'm a big lemon tea drinker,and always offer me a big mug of hot water. (Tea bags are easy to carry around).

stonehenge

Drinking buddies.. More like a brother he was, but in order for me to get out of the headspace that for years trapped me in addiction, I had to cut all ties.

It was a bit of both, really. He couldn't stand my depressive bouts, and I realised that without the drink, we weren't mates. nearly 30 years. coming up to 1 year cut off.

I read here about people who are at rock bottom, but then go on to mention friends, husbands, wives, family, etc... I've got none, and you'd think rock bottom would be the bottom.

But for so long rock bottom was satisfying to a degree. Can't get any worse. Can only live there so long.... before you drown or dig yourself out.

cutting ties with the alcoholic attachments - I can finally breath again..

sometimes it just takes a long time to realise it.

Stang

One of my old drinking buddies lives on the street, two others are physically crippled by alcohol related health issues. The rest are dead.

MegTheRunner

paul99: my story is the same as yours. well said and well done.