How to help my husband understand...resources???
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: mountains of BC, Canada
Posts: 246
How to help my husband understand...resources???
Hello,
I really don't expect my husband to *understand* fully this struggle for me, why I can't just not buy it..why I can't just stop at a few...why I seem to go completely sideways etc. I know there are physiological reasons. He says he is supportive and I truly believe he is but I can tell he is skeptical I can do this, afraid that I won't and that we will lose everything. He is also feeling hurt and betrayed because I have not been honest with him (until now) about how much and how often I drink. I am afraid I have lost his trust(and trust is a BIG deal for him). I don't lie to him otherwise but I doubt he believes that right now.
I am wondering if anyone out there can suggest a resource just to help him understand that it is not me being weak...it is not that I just love getting wasted....that there is much more to it. I have ordered "under the influence" but it will take a week or two to get here..
I really don't expect my husband to *understand* fully this struggle for me, why I can't just not buy it..why I can't just stop at a few...why I seem to go completely sideways etc. I know there are physiological reasons. He says he is supportive and I truly believe he is but I can tell he is skeptical I can do this, afraid that I won't and that we will lose everything. He is also feeling hurt and betrayed because I have not been honest with him (until now) about how much and how often I drink. I am afraid I have lost his trust(and trust is a BIG deal for him). I don't lie to him otherwise but I doubt he believes that right now.
I am wondering if anyone out there can suggest a resource just to help him understand that it is not me being weak...it is not that I just love getting wasted....that there is much more to it. I have ordered "under the influence" but it will take a week or two to get here..
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
trailrnr,
It sounds as though your husband is experiencing some understandable emotions, including fear and a sense of distrust and betrayal. I'll post a quote below that you can show him, to give him an idea that recovery happens a lot more than is commonly believed, and that his support can make all the difference.
As far as him truly appreciating how strong the AV can be, that may never happen, so it might be better to focus on simply regaining his trust. In my experience, regaining trust takes time, but does happen if we remain abstinent and keep our commitments.
"There is a high rate of recovery among alcoholics and addicts, treated and untreated. According to one estimate, heroin addicts break the habit in an average of 11 years. Another estimate is that at least 50% of alcoholics eventually free themselves although only 10% are ever treated. One recent study found that 80% of all alcoholics who recover for a year or more do so on their own, some after being unsuccessfully treated. When a group of these self-treated alcoholics was interviewed, 57% said they simply decided that alcohol was bad for them. Twenty-nine percent said health problems, frightening experiences, accidents, or blackouts persuaded them to quit. Others used such phrases as "Things were building up" or "I was sick and tired of it." Support from a husband or wife was important in sustaining the resolution."
Treatment of Drug Abuse and Addiction -- Part III, The Harvard Mental Health Letter, Volume 12, Number 4, October 1995, page 3.
(See Aug. (Part I), Sept. (Part II), Oct. 1995 (Part III).)
It sounds as though your husband is experiencing some understandable emotions, including fear and a sense of distrust and betrayal. I'll post a quote below that you can show him, to give him an idea that recovery happens a lot more than is commonly believed, and that his support can make all the difference.
As far as him truly appreciating how strong the AV can be, that may never happen, so it might be better to focus on simply regaining his trust. In my experience, regaining trust takes time, but does happen if we remain abstinent and keep our commitments.
"There is a high rate of recovery among alcoholics and addicts, treated and untreated. According to one estimate, heroin addicts break the habit in an average of 11 years. Another estimate is that at least 50% of alcoholics eventually free themselves although only 10% are ever treated. One recent study found that 80% of all alcoholics who recover for a year or more do so on their own, some after being unsuccessfully treated. When a group of these self-treated alcoholics was interviewed, 57% said they simply decided that alcohol was bad for them. Twenty-nine percent said health problems, frightening experiences, accidents, or blackouts persuaded them to quit. Others used such phrases as "Things were building up" or "I was sick and tired of it." Support from a husband or wife was important in sustaining the resolution."
Treatment of Drug Abuse and Addiction -- Part III, The Harvard Mental Health Letter, Volume 12, Number 4, October 1995, page 3.
(See Aug. (Part I), Sept. (Part II), Oct. 1995 (Part III).)
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Myy favorite book on Alcoholism.."Under The Influence" by Mialam
and Ketcham ...excerpts are here....
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
However please check with Amazon they usually have both
"Under" and it's sequel ..."Beyond The Influence" very inexpensively.
I have no expereinces in marriage issues..happily divorced for years..
and Ketcham ...excerpts are here....
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
However please check with Amazon they usually have both
"Under" and it's sequel ..."Beyond The Influence" very inexpensively.
I have no expereinces in marriage issues..happily divorced for years..
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