24 days and quite a crappy life I have carved out for myself....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: florida
Posts: 207
24 days and quite a crappy life I have carved out for myself....
hello all,
i have 24 days at this point and the emotions are really pouring out now..44 years old.... all the regrets, the bad decision making, the uselessness, the lack of job, lack of friends, lack of band, . failure in my profession and as a musician... what a loser.. lol.. not looking for a pity party here, but, man have i screwed up..This is after 8 years of drinking and slowly losing all of this stuff and then eventually my self respect.. granted, I have a sponsor i am working with and i go to AA regularly.. however, this just sucks.. I almost feel like it's not worth it and i should just go back to drink, as it's too late..this is alli have to look forward too? . what I would do for 20 years back again... thx for reading..
i have 24 days at this point and the emotions are really pouring out now..44 years old.... all the regrets, the bad decision making, the uselessness, the lack of job, lack of friends, lack of band, . failure in my profession and as a musician... what a loser.. lol.. not looking for a pity party here, but, man have i screwed up..This is after 8 years of drinking and slowly losing all of this stuff and then eventually my self respect.. granted, I have a sponsor i am working with and i go to AA regularly.. however, this just sucks.. I almost feel like it's not worth it and i should just go back to drink, as it's too late..this is alli have to look forward too? . what I would do for 20 years back again... thx for reading..
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Sounds like you are laying the groundwork to pick up where you left off.
You have plenty of years left to get a job, find friends, get into a band... not so many if you keep drinking.
Man up, early sobriety sucks and now you see the wreckage... but you have roll up your sleeves and get started on your recovery. It is slow going at first, don't be deterred or dissuaded from your task at hand...
The steps help with that, maybe get out the big book, get to a meeting. Your higher power wants only the best for you.
You have plenty of years left to get a job, find friends, get into a band... not so many if you keep drinking.
Man up, early sobriety sucks and now you see the wreckage... but you have roll up your sleeves and get started on your recovery. It is slow going at first, don't be deterred or dissuaded from your task at hand...
The steps help with that, maybe get out the big book, get to a meeting. Your higher power wants only the best for you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 8
You're seeing this all wrong... You could have wasted your entire life and died a horrific death if you stayed drinking. You are 24 days into your new life. It might be hard at first, but how exciting that YOU can write the next chapter yourself. You are young and have everything to look forward to. Take this opportunity and run with it. Good things will happen for you. You CAN do this!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,424
Something that I used to read from others that drove me crazy but was totally true: "it took many years for us to get in the dire straights we were in when we quit. It's going to take a deal of time to get out."
I knew it would be rough in the beginning but I thought everything would soon be solved after stopping drinking. Everything, life, ourselves, are all a work in progress. I'm at 5 months and each month felt worlds away from the month before. Not every day is better than the day before though. Two steps forward, one step back, is still one step ahead in the end. You still have plenty of time to do lots of things with your life. Read inspiring stories online of people who accomplish amazing things at all ages and even with disabilities. Make a list of things you are grateful for. Focus on the good and when uncomfortable feelings or thoughts come up, sit with them for a little bit and then move onto the next thing. Keep reading and keep posting. Best of luck to you.
I knew it would be rough in the beginning but I thought everything would soon be solved after stopping drinking. Everything, life, ourselves, are all a work in progress. I'm at 5 months and each month felt worlds away from the month before. Not every day is better than the day before though. Two steps forward, one step back, is still one step ahead in the end. You still have plenty of time to do lots of things with your life. Read inspiring stories online of people who accomplish amazing things at all ages and even with disabilities. Make a list of things you are grateful for. Focus on the good and when uncomfortable feelings or thoughts come up, sit with them for a little bit and then move onto the next thing. Keep reading and keep posting. Best of luck to you.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
Originally Posted by Petewill 
hello all,
i have 24 days at this point and the emotions are really pouring out now..44 years old.... all the regrets, the bad decision making, the uselessness, the lack of job, lack of friends, lack of band, . failure in my profession and as a musician... what a loser.. lol.. not looking for a pity party here, but, man have i screwed up..This is after 8 years of drinking and slowly losing all of this stuff and then eventually my self respect.. granted, I have a sponsor i am working with and i go to AA regularly.. however, this just sucks.. I almost feel like it's not worth it and i should just go back to drink, as it's too late..this is alli have to look forward too? . what I would do for 20 years back again... thx for reading..
i have 24 days at this point and the emotions are really pouring out now..44 years old.... all the regrets, the bad decision making, the uselessness, the lack of job, lack of friends, lack of band, . failure in my profession and as a musician... what a loser.. lol.. not looking for a pity party here, but, man have i screwed up..This is after 8 years of drinking and slowly losing all of this stuff and then eventually my self respect.. granted, I have a sponsor i am working with and i go to AA regularly.. however, this just sucks.. I almost feel like it's not worth it and i should just go back to drink, as it's too late..this is alli have to look forward too? . what I would do for 20 years back again... thx for reading..
Hang in there.
We know the problem, There is a Solution. One day at at time.
Sounds like you are in good hands...now keep it movin.
You get to compare the results of the AA way versus your way; as AA speaker Sandy B. (Beach) says.
Do you listen to AA speakers?
They are a lifesaver for me.
I love Sandy B.
XA-Speakers - The lights are on!
Maybe you could search his talks on xa....the saturday morning 12 step series is great...start at step one!
You're doing awesome. Don't quit. I just dumped my vodka out 9/18. Drinking is awful. It takes...and I drink so much once I start, then I feel badly....the spree and remorse...is what I learned this cycle or pattern is.
The days after drinking while starting over again were full of panic and dread. Odd pains and fear. There's nothing worse than facing yourself in the mirror after drinking too much, throwing up, sleeping horribly, a pounding head, swollen eyelids, broken blood vessels on the face from the force of vomiting.
Oh, yes, such fun. Why I did it a thousand times, is a real shame. But I can't dwell there. Only to help me have a real step one.
Drinking is the last thing you want to do to yourself. Believe me.
Galatians 5:13
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Tampa Bay
Posts: 329
You'll find friends here, petewill, albeit virtual friends, but friends nonetheless who will support you and listen. Sometimes we have good advice that might resonate and sometimes you might even be able to help one of us with some of your experience.
What musical instrument do you play? What genre of music?
I'm glad you posted. It helps to get those thoughts out into the world.
----
What musical instrument do you play? What genre of music?
I'm glad you posted. It helps to get those thoughts out into the world.
----
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
Good to see you pete and really glad to hear you're racking up the days again.
Early recovery can be rough - but so can the drinking life...at least with sobreity there is a light at the end of the tunnel...
It's a matter of faith of think - I felt quite depressed and unmotivated for a while - longer than 24 days...
Don't get bogged down in the past.
I had a crappy life too - but I changed it...I did a lot of crappy things to but, in time, I made amends
It's a process Pete...
it took a lot of time...and a lot of patience...but I trusted when the folks here told me it got better...it did
D
Early recovery can be rough - but so can the drinking life...at least with sobreity there is a light at the end of the tunnel...
It's a matter of faith of think - I felt quite depressed and unmotivated for a while - longer than 24 days...
Don't get bogged down in the past.
I had a crappy life too - but I changed it...I did a lot of crappy things to but, in time, I made amends
It's a process Pete...
it took a lot of time...and a lot of patience...but I trusted when the folks here told me it got better...it did
D
Galatians 5:13
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Tampa Bay
Posts: 329
All right, a metal head!!! Love it! The metal world needs more clean and sober people. There is serious poetry in metal and that gets lost with the perceived lifestyle.
How long have you been playing guitar? I played for awhile in high school and early college. Then picked up bass for awhile - I was a substitute bass player for a bar band (Riff Raff out of St. Pete, FL) when their base player got too drunk. I knew 3 riffs and just played whichever one the drummer told me to. LOL. It was free beer!
Memories!
How long have you been playing guitar? I played for awhile in high school and early college. Then picked up bass for awhile - I was a substitute bass player for a bar band (Riff Raff out of St. Pete, FL) when their base player got too drunk. I knew 3 riffs and just played whichever one the drummer told me to. LOL. It was free beer!
Memories!
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
I got sober at age 50. 17 months later and I won't go back to that drinking world again!
You CAN make a difference in your entire life in 17 months (and it's only getting more and more pleasant now; and yes, I still owe everyone and their brother, but I will NOT go back to that negative thinking and drinking, not now....).
Life can begin anew!
Stay strong, stay stopped!
You CAN make a difference in your entire life in 17 months (and it's only getting more and more pleasant now; and yes, I still owe everyone and their brother, but I will NOT go back to that negative thinking and drinking, not now....).
Life can begin anew!
Stay strong, stay stopped!
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
44years old. . . this just sucks.. I almost feel like it's not worth it and i should just go back to drink, as it's too late..this is alli have to look forward too? . what I would do for 20 years back again... thx for reading..
You do realize that you do have about 20 years until retirement age, don't you? Time enough to vest a retirement and save something for a rainy day. I am at the point where my future life, according to the actuarial tables for a white average male American, is only 15 more years, age 75.
You have 31 years. Get to it! Time is flying by.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: florida
Posts: 207
very cool Tammy,
I have played in bands like that before where I just wing it, not knowing their tunes..... I think I have been playing guitar about 14 years, seriously the last 8 or so.....lol. I write my own stuff...different, but I am not sure if that's a good thing or bad thing anymore.. lol.. sugarbear, thanks for the motivation... itchy, i get a little scared thinking of retirement, thanks for cheering me up..
I have played in bands like that before where I just wing it, not knowing their tunes..... I think I have been playing guitar about 14 years, seriously the last 8 or so.....lol. I write my own stuff...different, but I am not sure if that's a good thing or bad thing anymore.. lol.. sugarbear, thanks for the motivation... itchy, i get a little scared thinking of retirement, thanks for cheering me up..
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
"I was not too well at the time, and was plagued by waves of self-pity and resentment. This sometimes nearly drove me back to drink, but I soon found that when all other measures failed, work with another alcoholic would save the day. Many times I have gone to my old hospital in despair. On talking to a man there, I would be amazingly lifted up and set on my feet. It is a design for living that works in rough going. " One way of fixing today's problems?
Is it worth it? This is what you can expect if you do the work. 9th step promises: " If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them."
And still more with the 10th step promises.
"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition."
From where I sit, it's more than worth it.
Is it worth it? This is what you can expect if you do the work. 9th step promises: " If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them."
And still more with the 10th step promises.
"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition."
From where I sit, it's more than worth it.
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
I know a few 50+ year old active alcoholics still trying to live the rock 'n roll dream. Kinda pathetic to watch actually. 
Don't do that.
There are several sober rockers who I look up to - Trent Reznor and Zakk Wylde come to mind.
I'm 46 and have been sober almost 5 years. It's like getting a second chance, a new life. Never been happier.
Don't do that.There are several sober rockers who I look up to - Trent Reznor and Zakk Wylde come to mind.
I'm 46 and have been sober almost 5 years. It's like getting a second chance, a new life. Never been happier.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by Petewill
hello all,
i have 24 days at this point and the emotions are really pouring out now..44 years old.... all the regrets, the bad decision making, the uselessness, the lack of job, lack of friends, lack of band, . failure in my profession and as a musician... what a loser.. lol.. not looking for a pity party here, but, man have i screwed up..This is after 8 years of drinking and slowly losing all of this stuff and then eventually my self respect.. granted, I have a sponsor i am working with and i go to AA regularly.. however, this just sucks.. I almost feel like it's not worth it and i should just go back to drink, as it's too late..this is alli have to look forward too? . what I would do for 20 years back again... thx for reading..
i have 24 days at this point and the emotions are really pouring out now..44 years old.... all the regrets, the bad decision making, the uselessness, the lack of job, lack of friends, lack of band, . failure in my profession and as a musician... what a loser.. lol.. not looking for a pity party here, but, man have i screwed up..This is after 8 years of drinking and slowly losing all of this stuff and then eventually my self respect.. granted, I have a sponsor i am working with and i go to AA regularly.. however, this just sucks.. I almost feel like it's not worth it and i should just go back to drink, as it's too late..this is alli have to look forward too? . what I would do for 20 years back again... thx for reading..
Keep going to AA. Hang tight with your sponsor and the winners... the oldtimers. Today I'm pushing 70 and life's never been better.
All the best.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
a few lines fromt he BB that come to mind when the gin gets a lil rocky:
Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.
May God bless you and keep you - until then.
man, i gotta trudge!?!?!? well, yes. i can tell ya from personal experience that the tough times dont last forever as long as i put in the footwork and keep on trudgin.
Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.
May God bless you and keep you - until then.
man, i gotta trudge!?!?!? well, yes. i can tell ya from personal experience that the tough times dont last forever as long as i put in the footwork and keep on trudgin.
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