labyrinth

Ok not to sound like a loser here but.$%#$%!@#&$^*$%%^$*&%^%%&*$$%##$%# I JUST WANT FEEL NORMAL!!!! If life dosent get any better than this it just not worth it.

In memory of miracle

It will get better! Much better!I promise you!I remember feeling so bad and than one day I felt a little happiness start to creep in and than a laugh!It felt so awesome to finally laugh again.Please hang in there you are doing so well in working for your recovery.Try to look for just one positive thing.I dont know about you but I had brutal hangovers and wicked remorse,I was grateful to be relieved of that! I am pullin for ya!Peace and prayers to you.Trish.

msnbuffalo

Labyrinth...

Someone else has mentioned it already but you may want to take a closer look at your blood sugar...it is not uncommon for an alcoholic to develop hypoglycemia (low blood sugar)..In the past I have had numerous tests of my blood sugar, with the results ranging from low to very high...Most doctors only do a single test and if it is in the normal range will suggest that your blood sugar is fine, this may not be the case. When my blood sugar is in the normal to low range I have problems like you have mentioned, spacing out, I have vision problems, my wife will ask me if Imp OK, cuz I act as though I have just been on another planet...I feel edgy and on the verge of an anxiety attack, I start to think that the best way to feel better right away is to have a drink…or 10…(this usually works cuz the alcohol helps to raise your blood sugar immediately)

Simply eating more may not be the best answer either, cuz a big rush of sugar in your body will even you out for a little while but may push your next low blood sugar attack even lower...

I have tried in the past to quit drinking but was not successful for more than half a day….Now I am doing well, 44 days sober today...I am sure that my diet changes have a lot to do with my feeling better this time...I am following a low-carb diet, which is similar to the one in the book "Under the Influence"...This keeps my blood sugar in a normal range throughout the day...I check it 4 or 5 times per day to be sure...Caffeine in large doses suppresses blood sugar…I have switched to decaf…

From what I have read and been through...it seems the only and best way to know if you have a blood sugar/insulin disorder is to have a glucose tolerance test, which can take 5 hours...they measure your fasting blood sugar and insulin levels and then measure them as you drink a glucose solution...I am going for one of these tests soon...

I know you will begin to feel better soon….I still have good days and bad, but the good are increasing!!

NotThatThirsty

Labyrinth,
You just got to feel it! The easy way out is to go ahead and get good and wasted so you can't feel anything. It's much harder for us alcoholics to look at ourselves. You just got to hang on until the roller coaster levels out. Are you doing some of the things that were suggested? Staying active and such? If you're waiting for someone to wave a magic wand and make you feel "normal" again, it ain't gonna happen. When I was where you are at, I wanted so much for the answer to be outside of me in the form of medications or some kind of therapy that I was not looking at myself. I had to ask myself "What can I do right now that would be helpful to my situation?"... Take a walk, take a nap, shower, eat, drink water (plenty of that is good), swim, run, read, draw... Talk with another alcoholic or addict? Any thing I did which was good for me, no matter how small, made me feel better and by doing lots of these little things everyday, my state of mind, body, and spirit improved a great deal over time... Have you written a Gratitude List? I'd encourage you to do so... just list everything no matter what it is that you have to be grateful for. It does get better but we have to put in the initial effort. It doesn't just happen magically all by itself. I forget but did you say you are going to meetings regularly? Just hang in there!
All the Love!

-Josh

mackat

steve
i was 13 months sober and upon waking one morning realized that i had , like, 10 phone numbers memorized!! This from a guy who used to have to have his own phone number written down for those times when i really needed it- I was amazed!! i ran into my living room and looked at all the stuff i had written on my walls- poems and songs and prose by me and other authors and i just started memorizing the stuff!! I was in such an overjoyed state- literally dancing around my housed. I still look back on that as the year my mind came back. What a trip!
I did the work- meetings, sponsor, stepwork, service- i did it all cause there was really nothing left for me to lose. and i still do the work because i came to understand that losing me would be the real tragedy.
love
mackat

labyrinth

Thanks for the blood sugar advice. I guess I just find this all confusing. I.E My second to last night of Drinking I drank for about 30 hours straight woke up feeling like death ended up in the hosptial with either a seizure or panic attack I could not think or anything the simpliest question like where I lived I had to concentrate so hard just tell them. So anyways I go home and later that night my brain Defogs and everything looks and feels normal. So here I am later not drinking and it is the same for when I am drinking..my brain is in a fog and it dosent want to lift. 2 weeks after stoping drinking I get a moment of clarity again but for almost 2 days ( i barely ate anything either in those 2 days). Then wam gone again for almost 3 weeks ( I also ate like a pig in this time). LAST night got up ate in the middle of the night, woke up felt like crap. Ate 45 min later ran 2 miles Felt even worse. I actualy had to lay on the couch for 30 min because I was so dizzy. About 6 hours later I had a moment of clarity it was GREAT!! IT lasted for a couple of hours till guess what ya I ATE!!! Within about 15 min I felt it come on and within the hour it was all over. Another thing I find confusing is other than anxiety levels and the derealization and depersonaliztion which I am told is caused by anxiety. I feel NO different from when I was drinking till now I mean none there was no time between drinking and acute withdrawal I went from feeling like crap and confused and dizzy to still feeling the same way. Also there was no time between acute and post acute withdrawal If this is what I am suffering from. EVEN when I drank this feeling would NOT go away (ok sometimes and I mean rarely I would get moments of relief but I would guess that was becasue i was so drunk I just thought it was relief). SO here I am trying to figure all this out and I Cant I mean if I am suffering from withdrawal would it not make sense the symptoms would go away if I drank? Is this booze? Effects of long ago drug use? A health problem? Hey maybe I am just screwed up in the head! I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND!!!

In memory of miracle

(((((((lab)))))))))-give time, time...all will be well! Prayers to you trish....PEACE.

NotThatThirsty

Definetly go see a doctor! Don't try to figure it out for yourself, it sounds like that's just making you more Anxious. Just try to accept that you can't figure it out on your own, that you may need expert advice... And try to Relax until you see the Doc.

-Josh

Dan

Josh speaks with wisdom here. You describe mental episodes that should be looked at by a medical expert. I been there. I recognize myself in you. Make a call.
DD

labyrinth

Thanks for the replys I know time is what I need. My rehab guy says its all normal and this is what people go threw sometimes. I just never heard of anyone having withdrawal symptons that did not go way when they drank . My counsler said I might want to give Zoloft a try (go on a light dose for six months). I never liked the thought of going on such drugs but I have came to the conclusion that I hate how I feel even worse and if it can help well I might as well give it a shot.


Regards

In memory of miracle

((((labyrinth))))))-How ya doin today ?

labyrinth

Well I havent been to bed yet so Still working on yesterday lol. Hey anyone here went on Zoloft or something simliar did it help? Were u able to get off it?

Dan

Zoloft is a heavy duty anti depressant. I had no trouble saying goodbye to it.

labyrinth

Ok here is the latest..I put myself of Zoloft this morn (all hail the zoloft god and pray it works lol) So we will see what happens these next several weeks. PROBLEM I have been testing my blood sugar levels the last two days and they have been anywhere from 51 to 69 now I know that is not the best but my doc had a death in the fam so I could not see him this morn and I dont know much about sugar so any suggestions would be nice.

Steve

msnbuffalo

I am not a doctor but it seems you need to get your blood sugar up...have some orange juice or apple juice right away...Eat, make sure your eating about 5 moderate size meals per day with lots of fruits and eat protein foods as well as sugar; sugar will help but only for an hour or so, protein and reasonable amounts of fat will help get your sugar higher and keep it stable...Don't resort to just sweets though this will cause you to drop again quickly...

If you test again and it stays low you may need to go to the ER especially if you have blurred vision or dizziness...

Mike

msnbuffalo

p.s.

make sure your doctor knows you have been testing your blood sugar and what the numbers are...

labyrinth

Thanks for the advice I will def tell my doc as soon as I can. I have to run to the store and get more strips because I have been testing my sugar to much. lol It was pretty freaky thou last night when I tested my sugar and got a 51..right before i tested it I was sittling at the puter and all of a sudden it felt like I was floating..weird.


steve

msnbuffalo

I know that feeling...when you feel it come on, have some food! or a glass of juice...I always make sure I have a good snack before bed...usually a protein bar or something similar...

Mike

labyrinth

Well today was interesting I took a zoloft and the dam thing knocked me on my butt i had to sit on the couch entire day because I was so dizzy and confused I could not stand or think. So I am throwing out all my meds no more zoloft, the wellbutrin in going in the trash, goodbye piracetam, vinpocetine meet your maker, I have had it with these so called mood enhancers and memeory improvers. Now if I could only throw out the antaabuse lol (I know wishful thinking).

I am trying to look at things in a new light, 8 months ago when I dried out I had none of these problems. So I know I am not going crazy it is just the alcohol has messed my nervous system up a little and it is going to take time to repair itself. I mean what am I thinking, Hello hmm lets see spend 6 months drunk 24/7 and 6 years before that drunk every night and not expect problems? From now on I will trust my rehab counsler when he says this will all go away soon. Therefore when I am feeling good I will be thankful for it and when I am feeling wak-o and full if anxiety I will try to rember this will pass I will get threw this and someday this will only be a distant memeory.

Just more or less typing to myself
steve

In memory of miracle

Steve! Talk to your doctor!