Justfor1

Life is stressful. I may have to go to court for full custody of my teenage son who believes pot is no big deal & refuses to live with his mother & step-dad. I'm currently dating a newcomer who works at the AA club & that is causing me endless stress. I'm working day labor jobs here & there but am finding myself losing the money at the OTB horse track located nearby. I finally got a much needed refill of my meds but am feeling a bit lost. I'm not really think much about drinking or smoking drugs because I'm too busy being caught up in life's other "hassles".

tomsteve

dont know if yer just wanting to vent or not, but this is what im reading:
some of the stress is self induced and rather insane.
this should be a good lesson why it is suggested not to date or get into a relationship in the 1st year, especially with someone new to recovery. 2 sickies dont make a wellie. take it from someone who didnt listen: the chaos and drama didnt end until i got into the solution and ended the relationship.

when i quit living in the problem and began living in the solution, the problem went away.


i sure hope you get with yer sponsor and work through this. sobriety isnt about being miserable.

Elisabeth888

I thought you weren't going to get in another relationship! Do you think this is wise?

I don't mean to be so forward, but that is what I would say to you if you were an in person friend from AA. You just went through this and it did not end well.

Boleo

Sounds like your life is "unmanageable". As in:

"1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable."

Gottalife

"Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job - wife or no wife - we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God.

Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house."

About page 98 in the first edition.

Sudz No More

Now that is compelling. If only we all could stick with living by that.

wow04

Life doesn't stop having issues once we get sober. What I have learned is that we learn how to handle them. By working and living the steps I can deal with life on life's terms. I have been through the death of my father, a wedding, and a divorce all while sober.

Get with your sponsor on this. I am sorry you are having issues, but it is all in how you handle them.

My experience was and is that working and living the steps is what helped me!

bbthumper

"When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing."

I find that when life gets to be too much, I am given the answer that makes the least sense and the one I want to hear the least, but it always seems to work. "Help others."
I gotta get out of the way and work with others so God can take care of my mess.

Mark75

Well, I am glad it is causing you endless stress and that you understand it where it's coming from... Quit dating the newcomer and the stress will go away!!

C'mon man, she, a newcomer, doesn't need to be dating anyone... much less anyone who is still early on in recovery himself. It's just all shades of wrong.

The only gambling going on here isn't just at the OTB, and it's not only money that is on the line... it's people's lives you're gambling with, yours, and more importantly, hers.

Freedom1990

I found that most of the drama in my early recovery was self-imposed, based on my own actions and poor decisons.

Boleo

IMO the real goal in recovery (and spirituality in general) is to learn that both happiness and misery are an inside job. When I am not spiritually fit, there is never enough outside-stuff to fill the hole I feel inside. When I am spiritually fit, nothing disturbs me enough that I feel like I am suffering.

Justfor1

I am making poor decisions for sure. But the interesting thing is that it has been very easy for me to stay sober. I'm thinking about cutting down on meetings because I am tired of the AA club drama which, of course, I am involved in.

Sally1009

I don't think it sounds wise to cut back on your AA. I have heard bad things about AA clubs - how about going to some regular meetings if you aren't already? It is in stressful times that you need AA more than ever.

Elisabeth888

I agree, go to different meetings.

If you are having a crap time, the best thing to do is to go to MORE meetings.

I get where I don't want to go when things are not going well, (like my Mom dying) and that is when I need to be there the most.

My friend said "so you want to wait and go to meetings when everything is just peachy?"

That is the cool thing about friends in AA, they tell you not what you want to hear, but what you need to hear.

Justfor1

liz, I'm going to hit other meetings. I have to deal with my son who had a recent domestic violence issue with his step dad. I never understand adults who use violence on children.

Mark75

Yes, deal with your son. He needs you. Instead of the OTB, pick him up and take a nice fall hike, or go to a college football game, or just hang out. It could be that you need each other more than you know.

Justfor1

[QUOTE=Mark75;3631745]Yes, deal with your son. He needs you. Instead of the OTB, pick him up and take a nice fall hike, or go to a college football game, or just hang out. It could be that you need each other more than you know.

I agree Mark. I plan on taking him to the gym with me when he visits me next time. Also, maybe try some Thai food in chinatown.

Mark75

I love Thai food... On my ski trip last year, there was this great Thai restaurant in town... And I could order my favorite tea served steeping in a pot... It was awesome, my buddy had his beer and I savored some wonderful oolong with some great spring rolls...

Enjoy your time with your son. There are very few relationships that we have as men that are as important with the ones we have with our sons... Being sober let's us be a part in each other's lives. Treasure those moments, we only get so many.

Db1105

Drinking alcohol is only one symptoms of alcoholism. Not drinking doesn't make those other symptoms go away. The answers are found working The Twelve Steps and Working with others. Ignoring the experience, strength, and hope of others in recovery doesn't help either.

DayTrader

There's enough advice here so I won't pile on. I will say that when I'm living my life according to the fulfillment of my wants, I'm typically acting not in accordance with a God-directed but a centered-on-self life.

In the early to middle stages Im sure nothing's wrong, that I'm doing just fine and, matter of factly.....I'm actually feeling better than I had been. Like u said though Just.... feelings of frustration, futility and unmanagability start to creep back more strongly into my life. Sometimes it's that pain that is my first indication that i've forgotten my first step and chucked all of step 3 right out the window. .....time for me to hurry up and "come to" I'm step two, refresh my 1st step, re-make my third step decision and get back on the spiritual path.

I've watched more than enought people to see what happens when we take......and continue to take.....actions that fall outside the spiritual path. As much as I don't want to give up my behaviors, as much as I don't want to take the corrective steps....... I'd muuuuuch less rather deal with drinking again and going back to my old ways of living life.

On of the promises in that AA book is that I'm SURE to drink if I choose to NOT live by spiritual principles.

Perhaps it's time for a little inventory to see what's really going on an for some housecleaning?