The body finally had enough....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 4
The body finally had enough....
So this is my story:
Started drinking reasonably heavy during the latter part of my university years, probably not much more than the average party-loving student but certainly not behind the curve either. When finished with my studies, a stressful but well-paid job in a metropolitan city followed and the drinking culture certainly did its part to accelerate my overall alcohol consumption habits.
Over the following nine years since entering the professional world I probably partied hard twice a week on average, meaning five-six pints + numerous strong drinks/cocktails per party night. Sure, there were some periods where I drank more and some where I drank less and some weeks nothing at all but as the years progressed more and more of my mental "reward expectation" was connected when the next big party night was going to come. For the first four years I always drank together with other people (friends, colleagues, dates etc) but after that the desire to get my kick at least two times a week resulted in going out alone just to be able to drink heavily when no-one else was there to come along.
I believe this was an important marker that something was starting to seriously go in the wrong direction and that the drinking was more important than the enjoyment of a night out.
As the last five years passed, the twice a week+ drinking binges continued to take a toll on my relationships with friends, girlfriends and close family. The fact that my finances allowed for such lifestyle probably didn't help, but the anxiety of what I was doing to myself and to the people around me had at that point slowly but surely already started to sink in.
As someone who for most part of my drinking "career" recovered very quickly and easily after a huge night out, I mean a night out that starts at 7 pm and continues into the morning hours, it was easy to brush away the overall psychological effects and to some extent even the moderate weight gain that followed. Even as people around me started taking notice of the bad drinking habits I didn't stop, but rather accelerate the quantities when consuming alcohol in order to get the same effect.
The many years of lost friendships, conflicts with colleagues and family can to a great part be attributed to my obsession with heavy drinking - and by that I mean more an dominant mindset of planning your whole life around a drinking lifestyle involving lying to and shamelessly manipulating the people close to you in order to be able to get that rush.
The last two years I slowly but clearly started to feel the physical effects of my bad drinking habits. Not being able to lose weight due to being hangover or overall fatigued, overall seeing my stress level increase and having increasingly bad/dry skin after a big night out.
Even so, I never really took this obsession with alcohol 100% seriously, even after several attempts (including a two month break) to stop drinking. Primarily because I never really had to face any real mental nor physical symptoms to serve as a disincentive to drink this heavily.
That all changed around six weeks ago after a three night binge which included countless pints, wine bottles and clearing out a minibar - all without hardly getting any sleep over those three evenings.
The week immediately following that last binge I started noticing terrible migraine-style, post-coital headaches and in between these a general feeling of stress and minor headaches throughout the day. This is when my anxiety really started to take shape and what followed was and has been one of the most stressful periods of my life. The constant worry (and researching symptoms on the internet) that those headaches might be a result of an aneurysm or a brain tumor and a hectic work schedule not allowing for a serious medical examination further fueled the mental stress on the body, and by the time I finally had an opportunity to visit a doctor I had also started feeling dizzy out of stress and still suffering from mild headaches on a daily basis. The fact that the first doctor I saw found that I had mild hypertension / high blood pressure made the things even worst. The vicious circle of anxiety and stress was in full spin and it took a further two weeks before I had a CT and MRI scan done to exclude any serious physical causes for these symptoms. By then the headaches had passed but I still felt very stressed and the dizziness when moving and walking was in full force. Three weeks into the period involuntary muscle spasms and fasciculations had also started emerging all over my body and I was now so stressed that I was even experiencing night terror-type experiences and my doctor had to prescribe valium in order for me to be able to sleep properly.
I have now finally done all possible blood tests and the extensive neurological tests which have all come back normal, which obviously has been a great relief but my body and mind is still exhausted and it has taken over six weeks and countless tests and doctor visits and medication to start the recovery to feeling normal again. But, as in most cases when the body and mind has had enough it takes time and active effort to restore balance and I wouldn't wish this experience on anyone.
In some way I believe it might have been a necessary lesson for me that you can't treat your body and mind like a punching bag without repercussions because sooner or later something will give, as it did in my case. Keep in mind that since I still have been managing a job well it has been very easy to trick oneself and others around you that the problem isn't there but trust me, the sooner you realize that having a serious alcohol abuse problem can and will eventually ruin or at the very least diminish your life quality the better. It will save you and your loved ones a lot of pain and misery, as well as save your health.
Started drinking reasonably heavy during the latter part of my university years, probably not much more than the average party-loving student but certainly not behind the curve either. When finished with my studies, a stressful but well-paid job in a metropolitan city followed and the drinking culture certainly did its part to accelerate my overall alcohol consumption habits.
Over the following nine years since entering the professional world I probably partied hard twice a week on average, meaning five-six pints + numerous strong drinks/cocktails per party night. Sure, there were some periods where I drank more and some where I drank less and some weeks nothing at all but as the years progressed more and more of my mental "reward expectation" was connected when the next big party night was going to come. For the first four years I always drank together with other people (friends, colleagues, dates etc) but after that the desire to get my kick at least two times a week resulted in going out alone just to be able to drink heavily when no-one else was there to come along.
I believe this was an important marker that something was starting to seriously go in the wrong direction and that the drinking was more important than the enjoyment of a night out.
As the last five years passed, the twice a week+ drinking binges continued to take a toll on my relationships with friends, girlfriends and close family. The fact that my finances allowed for such lifestyle probably didn't help, but the anxiety of what I was doing to myself and to the people around me had at that point slowly but surely already started to sink in.
As someone who for most part of my drinking "career" recovered very quickly and easily after a huge night out, I mean a night out that starts at 7 pm and continues into the morning hours, it was easy to brush away the overall psychological effects and to some extent even the moderate weight gain that followed. Even as people around me started taking notice of the bad drinking habits I didn't stop, but rather accelerate the quantities when consuming alcohol in order to get the same effect.
The many years of lost friendships, conflicts with colleagues and family can to a great part be attributed to my obsession with heavy drinking - and by that I mean more an dominant mindset of planning your whole life around a drinking lifestyle involving lying to and shamelessly manipulating the people close to you in order to be able to get that rush.
The last two years I slowly but clearly started to feel the physical effects of my bad drinking habits. Not being able to lose weight due to being hangover or overall fatigued, overall seeing my stress level increase and having increasingly bad/dry skin after a big night out.
Even so, I never really took this obsession with alcohol 100% seriously, even after several attempts (including a two month break) to stop drinking. Primarily because I never really had to face any real mental nor physical symptoms to serve as a disincentive to drink this heavily.
That all changed around six weeks ago after a three night binge which included countless pints, wine bottles and clearing out a minibar - all without hardly getting any sleep over those three evenings.
The week immediately following that last binge I started noticing terrible migraine-style, post-coital headaches and in between these a general feeling of stress and minor headaches throughout the day. This is when my anxiety really started to take shape and what followed was and has been one of the most stressful periods of my life. The constant worry (and researching symptoms on the internet) that those headaches might be a result of an aneurysm or a brain tumor and a hectic work schedule not allowing for a serious medical examination further fueled the mental stress on the body, and by the time I finally had an opportunity to visit a doctor I had also started feeling dizzy out of stress and still suffering from mild headaches on a daily basis. The fact that the first doctor I saw found that I had mild hypertension / high blood pressure made the things even worst. The vicious circle of anxiety and stress was in full spin and it took a further two weeks before I had a CT and MRI scan done to exclude any serious physical causes for these symptoms. By then the headaches had passed but I still felt very stressed and the dizziness when moving and walking was in full force. Three weeks into the period involuntary muscle spasms and fasciculations had also started emerging all over my body and I was now so stressed that I was even experiencing night terror-type experiences and my doctor had to prescribe valium in order for me to be able to sleep properly.
I have now finally done all possible blood tests and the extensive neurological tests which have all come back normal, which obviously has been a great relief but my body and mind is still exhausted and it has taken over six weeks and countless tests and doctor visits and medication to start the recovery to feeling normal again. But, as in most cases when the body and mind has had enough it takes time and active effort to restore balance and I wouldn't wish this experience on anyone.
In some way I believe it might have been a necessary lesson for me that you can't treat your body and mind like a punching bag without repercussions because sooner or later something will give, as it did in my case. Keep in mind that since I still have been managing a job well it has been very easy to trick oneself and others around you that the problem isn't there but trust me, the sooner you realize that having a serious alcohol abuse problem can and will eventually ruin or at the very least diminish your life quality the better. It will save you and your loved ones a lot of pain and misery, as well as save your health.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,348
I'm glad you're here too Sigma - yeah, I used to think I was invincible but really, there's only so much abuse our bodies (and minds) can take...
Welcome to SR and congratulations on your decision!
D
Welcome to SR and congratulations on your decision!
D
Professional Drunk
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 465
Hi Sigma,
Your post hit home with me. I see a lot of similarities with my life. As I matured from college life to a professional career, my drinking also matured. The drinking culture I was immersed, along with disposable income, made alcohol a constant presence that I couldn't escape until it was too late. I lost my career due to the drinking and I am starting over at 36. Thankfully, I didn't ruin anyone else's life but my own. It sounds like you still have a career to salvage so that's great you are recognizing your problem now. Welcome to SR.
Your post hit home with me. I see a lot of similarities with my life. As I matured from college life to a professional career, my drinking also matured. The drinking culture I was immersed, along with disposable income, made alcohol a constant presence that I couldn't escape until it was too late. I lost my career due to the drinking and I am starting over at 36. Thankfully, I didn't ruin anyone else's life but my own. It sounds like you still have a career to salvage so that's great you are recognizing your problem now. Welcome to SR.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,902
Did you ever tell your Dr. about your alcohol consumption? You might have saved yourself a few medical tests. You might find that if you stop drinking for a month or two that your physical symptoms and anxiety subside.
The problem is, that after a couple of months of not drinking and feeling good, you might convince yourself that it's ok to just have "one."
For many of us, one leads to 15 and then it's off to the races on a 3 day binge.
The problem is, that after a couple of months of not drinking and feeling good, you might convince yourself that it's ok to just have "one."
For many of us, one leads to 15 and then it's off to the races on a 3 day binge.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by Zebra1275 
Did you ever tell your Dr. about your alcohol consumption? You might have saved yourself a few medical tests. You might find that if you stop drinking for a month or two that your physical symptoms and anxiety subside.
The problem is, that after a couple of months of not drinking and feeling good, you might convince yourself that it's ok to just have "one."
For many of us, one leads to 15 and then it's off to the races on a 3 day binge.
The problem is, that after a couple of months of not drinking and feeling good, you might convince yourself that it's ok to just have "one."
For many of us, one leads to 15 and then it's off to the races on a 3 day binge.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 3
Three months coming up on Tuesday
Many thanks for your kind words. Thought it would be appropriate with a brief update as I'm hitting the ninety day mark on Tuesday (2nd October).
Happy Holidays and the very best of luck to all of you.
Happy Holidays and the very best of luck to all of you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by Sigma95Seven
Many thanks for your kind words. Thought it would be appropriate with a brief update as I'm hitting the ninety day mark on Tuesday (2nd October).
Happy Holidays and the very best of luck to all of you.
Happy Holidays and the very best of luck to all of you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 442
Originally Posted by Sigma957
So this is my story:
Started drinking reasonably heavy during the latter part of my university years..... SNIP....
Started drinking reasonably heavy during the latter part of my university years..... SNIP....
Quitting drinking means freedom for me, freedom from the drudgery of drinking 2 bottles of wine and 4+ beers every night, the deeply annoying hangovers and inability to look in the mirror at myself, and the lack of patience and fun ive been able to direct at my son -- and thats important as im a single dad parent.
freedom from being the sad sack sat alone at the bar drinking my 7th pint..
on a purely material level, i expect to be wealthier from not spending the minimum 20 quid a day on booze (600+ a month? probably more when considering weekends), I also already feel more like doing stuff on weekends instead of being wracked to the bone by a debilitating hangover. I quit smoking in Jan last year.
I was also getting to the stage where i was a liability with a blackberry, replying to work mails at 11pm with a gallon on beer in my gut... came very close to making some career terminating emails...
now im back in the UK or xmas hols, with son and his grandparents, having spent a booze free christmas and i feel rather happy about the lack of drama's that i usually cause due to my argumentative and belligerent attitude when with parents whilst drunk (well actually not just with parents - anyone really).
but it feels good.. guilt free, knowing i'm doing what i should be doing - staying sober !
BTW, merry christmas all
(first post, but long'ish time lurker)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Calif
Posts: 757
sigma,, good thing you say some symptoms and you went to your doctor for help. in the back of my mind i was always afraid of my drinking would lead to some major medical condition such as cirrhosis. actually that was my greatest fear i seen many people die of it, and it is not a nice way to go. but i finally able to stop about 22 days ago, and i am still going strong.
sigma, i found this site is so very helpful, so many great people here to give you support. i am happy you saw you needed help.
sigma, i found this site is so very helpful, so many great people here to give you support. i am happy you saw you needed help.
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