Worried....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Lubbock, TX
Posts: 27
Worried....
So.... Im on day 38! Yay! This is the longest I have been sober by choice since I was 17. I'm 30...
I have been working out during my "problem time", which is lunch time at work. I've done a good job at graciously declining to go to work with the usual crowd. The voices in my head telling me a drink or two won't hurt had gone away....
...until I found out that we are having a bbq at work on Wednesday.
BBQ's at work.... where do I begin with this.... Several people I work with homebrew. 95% of them are alcoholics themselves. Any kind of mandatory fun day at work inevitably turns into drunken folks sitting on the porch BSing. Ya know, everything I used to enjoy.
My resolve is stronger now than it ever has been. I'm just worried is all. It sounds like fun. Homebrew specialty beer, hanging out BSing, all while doing up some BBQ. I'm to be the cook, so I can't just skip work that day. It also means I will be at the epicenter of all the drinking activity. Like I said, my commitment to not drinking is unwaivering, but the whispers in my ear have returned, and as Wednesday draws nearer, they get louder and louder.
I won't drink. Just wanted to vent about it. Work has been my biggest trigger / problem area since I started there. They claim to have a no tolerance policy, but my immediate supervisor drinks heavily EVERY day, and his does the same, and his, and so on. Being drinking buddies with management is just about the only way to advance in the company. Wow. I just realized that. Nice. Anyway, point is, drinking is NOT discouraged; in fact the exact opposite is true, as long as you "function". Anyway, thanks for being here everyone. I may not post much, but I haunt the forums quite a bit.
I have been working out during my "problem time", which is lunch time at work. I've done a good job at graciously declining to go to work with the usual crowd. The voices in my head telling me a drink or two won't hurt had gone away....
...until I found out that we are having a bbq at work on Wednesday.
BBQ's at work.... where do I begin with this.... Several people I work with homebrew. 95% of them are alcoholics themselves. Any kind of mandatory fun day at work inevitably turns into drunken folks sitting on the porch BSing. Ya know, everything I used to enjoy.
My resolve is stronger now than it ever has been. I'm just worried is all. It sounds like fun. Homebrew specialty beer, hanging out BSing, all while doing up some BBQ. I'm to be the cook, so I can't just skip work that day. It also means I will be at the epicenter of all the drinking activity. Like I said, my commitment to not drinking is unwaivering, but the whispers in my ear have returned, and as Wednesday draws nearer, they get louder and louder.
I won't drink. Just wanted to vent about it. Work has been my biggest trigger / problem area since I started there. They claim to have a no tolerance policy, but my immediate supervisor drinks heavily EVERY day, and his does the same, and his, and so on. Being drinking buddies with management is just about the only way to advance in the company. Wow. I just realized that. Nice. Anyway, point is, drinking is NOT discouraged; in fact the exact opposite is true, as long as you "function". Anyway, thanks for being here everyone. I may not post much, but I haunt the forums quite a bit.
High on Life
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Been to Hell and Back
Posts: 1,157
BBQ's at work?? What job is that? Anyway, even though your resolve not to drink may be strong, I would highly suggest finding an excuse not to go to work that that day. At day 38 you may feel very strong, but it's easy to get caught up in the moment and forget about what's important.
And if drinking is the only way to move up in the company, I would consider an exit route from this job, because you are just setting yourself up for resentments and failure.
And if drinking is the only way to move up in the company, I would consider an exit route from this job, because you are just setting yourself up for resentments and failure.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
Sounds like a really tough situation mason...how are you going to handle ALL of these events in the future if everyone drinks heavily? I definitely don't think I could handle the BBQ...I am about a month sober. I am sorry you have to deal with this and hope you can stand up to the pressure if you decide to go.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 153
hello and welcome to the group cmason... i, like you, did a lot of drinking as a younger person and am now on my longest stretch of sobriety since turning 21 - I'll be hitting the 7 month mark in 10 days, in fact, and am feeling better than ever.
i want to encourage you to keep fighting those old impulses to drink and to keep racking up your sober time, as your body/brain needs time to heal before you can start to overcome the cravings which are so overwhelming in early sobriety. the good news is that as you continue to hit each new benchmark, you will find that your desire to stay sober grows stronger as your cravings become progressively weaker. a lot of research points to the six month mark as the bare minimum that the brain needs to "restructure" itself after one ceases drinking, so if i were you i would keep that in mind as a way of encouraging yourself. i for one find that i am feeling much, much better and much much stronger now that i've passed the 6 month mark...
in any case, i hope you'll continue to remain sober and i hope that you will find a way of coping with your pressure to drink coming from those you work with. that does sound tough, but i am sure you can find ways of adapting overtime.....
again, welcome to the group and best of luck with your current situation....
i want to encourage you to keep fighting those old impulses to drink and to keep racking up your sober time, as your body/brain needs time to heal before you can start to overcome the cravings which are so overwhelming in early sobriety. the good news is that as you continue to hit each new benchmark, you will find that your desire to stay sober grows stronger as your cravings become progressively weaker. a lot of research points to the six month mark as the bare minimum that the brain needs to "restructure" itself after one ceases drinking, so if i were you i would keep that in mind as a way of encouraging yourself. i for one find that i am feeling much, much better and much much stronger now that i've passed the 6 month mark...
in any case, i hope you'll continue to remain sober and i hope that you will find a way of coping with your pressure to drink coming from those you work with. that does sound tough, but i am sure you can find ways of adapting overtime.....
again, welcome to the group and best of luck with your current situation....
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
I have spent my life in the lumber business and hard drinking used to really be the way of life, particularly on Friday at lunch until whenever. When I first got sober I had to stay "connected" to the crowd since we are all traders and relationships are what grease the wheels for price, supply etc.
13 years ago tomorrow my life was way out of control. I still had a great job, excellent income, big house and all the stuff but I was a drunk. I drank with all the alcoholics and thought that was the way the whole world functioned. I had to quit so I went to AA and the rest is history. My point as it applies to your dilemma is this:
I too had to continue to socialize and "be there" as it is how I connected. That first day of not drinking I took a deep breath, ordered a club soda at the bar and when asked, I said, "been drinking a little too heavily and I am taking a break, oh by the way, have you talked with so and so........"
In other words I treated it as my issue and let's get on to the next topic. The implication was that I was taking a break and would resume my drinking in the future. Nothing dramatic, didn't tell them I was spending time in AA. I suppose there may still be a few folks who wonder after 13 years when I am going to start drinking again, but most people in my business circle know I don't drink and to tell you the truth, I don't think they think about it very much. They have their own world to worry about. I have had several people over the years ask me quietly about AA and have told a few just how a fellow goes about getting started. A few have gone my route and are sober and a couple have died of alcohol related disease as well over these past years. I just wasn't one of them.
Just my story and I am sticking to it.
Best of luck, if you want to stop, you will.
Jon
13 years ago tomorrow my life was way out of control. I still had a great job, excellent income, big house and all the stuff but I was a drunk. I drank with all the alcoholics and thought that was the way the whole world functioned. I had to quit so I went to AA and the rest is history. My point as it applies to your dilemma is this:
I too had to continue to socialize and "be there" as it is how I connected. That first day of not drinking I took a deep breath, ordered a club soda at the bar and when asked, I said, "been drinking a little too heavily and I am taking a break, oh by the way, have you talked with so and so........"
In other words I treated it as my issue and let's get on to the next topic. The implication was that I was taking a break and would resume my drinking in the future. Nothing dramatic, didn't tell them I was spending time in AA. I suppose there may still be a few folks who wonder after 13 years when I am going to start drinking again, but most people in my business circle know I don't drink and to tell you the truth, I don't think they think about it very much. They have their own world to worry about. I have had several people over the years ask me quietly about AA and have told a few just how a fellow goes about getting started. A few have gone my route and are sober and a couple have died of alcohol related disease as well over these past years. I just wasn't one of them.
Just my story and I am sticking to it.
Best of luck, if you want to stop, you will.
Jon
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 426
i work in an office and industry saturated with a work hard/play hard attitude (no doubt this is, in part, why i sought a career in this field to begin with - way to go, 20 year old self) and find myself frequently encountering work events centered around booze. knowing that my stakes are pretty high at this point, i skip those that i can, but many i simply can't. it's just part of the deal. so in order to more easily survive, i came up with these guidelines - not sure if they will apply to your situation, but thought i'd offer my sage wisdom of 40 days sober in case they did.
1. arrive late (let everyone get "relaxed" first)
2. be as charming as possible (to avoid the old "no fun when you don't drink" critique)
3. always have a drink (non-alcoholic) already in hand
4. have someone in mind to text or call if you need to vent
5. don't tell drinking stories or rehash the glory days with people you used to party with (nostalgia is a mofo)
6. don't let yourself become preoccupied with the thought of not drinking - focus instead on things outside of yourself
7. always have something planned immediately after the event (betters the odds of leaving early and sober)
8. don't be self-conscious about being a wallflower
9. split as soon as it's socially acceptable
10. have fun.
good luck.
1. arrive late (let everyone get "relaxed" first)
2. be as charming as possible (to avoid the old "no fun when you don't drink" critique)
3. always have a drink (non-alcoholic) already in hand
4. have someone in mind to text or call if you need to vent
5. don't tell drinking stories or rehash the glory days with people you used to party with (nostalgia is a mofo)
6. don't let yourself become preoccupied with the thought of not drinking - focus instead on things outside of yourself
7. always have something planned immediately after the event (betters the odds of leaving early and sober)
8. don't be self-conscious about being a wallflower
9. split as soon as it's socially acceptable
10. have fun.
good luck.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 1,225
That's tough stuff in early sobriety. What I did in the beginning is told people I was on antibiotics or something like that. That usually stopped people from saying "oh come on, whaddaya mean you stopped drinking. Just have a beer". I felt safer having an excuse on hand and that I didn't have to explain myself.
You're in early sobriety so make a plan on how you will handle this before that day. You don't want to be shamed into drinking. Peer pressure at work can be tough
You're in early sobriety so make a plan on how you will handle this before that day. You don't want to be shamed into drinking. Peer pressure at work can be tough
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
That should be a sticky, NobleCause, for how to plan sobriety at social functions where alcohol is served. We need to have that image of how things will play out, what the challenges are likely to be, and how we will meet them.
The self talk beforehand that is required is a very personal thing, but I think it is equally if not more important. Those thoughts of giving in or of self doubt can only come from one place, our Alcoholic Voice. There are good, evidence based tools available that help us to accept that those thoughts might appear, and understand that they only have the power we choose to give them. They are only thoughts, after all.
Thanks for sharing that experience and strength, NC. Onward!
The self talk beforehand that is required is a very personal thing, but I think it is equally if not more important. Those thoughts of giving in or of self doubt can only come from one place, our Alcoholic Voice. There are good, evidence based tools available that help us to accept that those thoughts might appear, and understand that they only have the power we choose to give them. They are only thoughts, after all.
Thanks for sharing that experience and strength, NC. Onward!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Lubbock, TX
Posts: 27
Thanks for the replies everyone. I feel as though I am worrying too much about it, thereby giving my "drinking voices" more power, but I don't want to slip. I've turned down a glass of wine with my wife more than once. How would it look if I break at work, to her?! And the "good ol' boy" way of promotion at work, well, it has been that way everywhere I have been. I'm a chemist by the way, and there just aren't any other options where I live. I work at a small environmental lab.
The encouragement helps, y'all. I really needed that. Thanks.
The encouragement helps, y'all. I really needed that. Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
I have had the same thing at work cmason. And I always said I got my job because of my drinking abilities! I had to host a few social work things in early sobriety and attend a couple of bbqs. I ate a lot at the bbq and with the other times I ran around making sure everyone else had drinks. I hated it and wouldn't wish it on anyone but I got through sober 
If I can do it I know you can too x
If I can do it I know you can too x
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