NewHouse2012

My mind is saying, go to the beach, take some beers.
It is a quiet afternoon.
You have been so good. Excellent in fact!
Stop worrying, listen to some good music and just chill out from reality.
What I wouldn't give to get some of this serious thinking out of my head.
Maybe with some small drinks, I could even do something spontaneous like paint a picture or jump off the diving board after the beach.

Really? I can actually do this? Omg, I feel so good that I have given myself permission. People do this kind of stuff everyday, why the hell not me? Why not me?

Why not me? Can I afford to play this game once again?

Need some support. Will this ever leave my head? I feel cursed. almost just like giving up the damn fight again.

Sapling

What are you doing for your recovery newhouse?....What tools do you have that you could use right now?

NewHouse2012

Thx sapling. I need to go to meeting I suppose, easier said than done. The other way out seems so much better. Haven't been to meetings all week. Have not been able to go all week for very legitimate reasons. Got to keep busy I suppose.

Dee74

if you're like me NewHouse, those few beers at the beach would end with you waking up a month from now wondering where the heck October went....

We're different NH - fair or not, that's all there is to it....
the day I finally accepted that as a great step forward for me.

Play the tape through to the end - you're smarter and stronger than this

D

hypochondriac

Go to the beach Newhouse, listen to some music, paint a picture... they're all great normal things to do to relax and unwind... just do it without the beer! It is not going to add anything to any of those things.

The drinking thoughts will continually come and go but you just have to keep knocking them back, and do it before you start giving yourself permission, it makes it easier. Keep posting x

HeavyJ

Cunning Baffling Strong.....

It's a disease... Think of it this way. I would love to go and see the beauty of the beach sober so I can take it in and remember it. , but alas, It is getting colder by the minute where I live and soon all of the beaches will be frozen solid..

CarolD

So many people don't drink for various reasons...and you don't
have to either. The kind of thinking you are doing is called
"romanceing the drink"

I'm sure you did not quit so you could yearn for a liquid toxin.
Check out your earlier post to re fresh your memory.

Call someone from your meeting...read your BB...and pray
Those are tools and you can use them to your benefit..

SunnyFlower

Newhouse-

what is going through your mind is called "stinking thinking". It's a part of our disease, I go through it also.

When I go through that mental process, I call my sponsor. She helps me to regain my sanity. The Meetings help with it too.

At Rehab they said that alcoholism is powerful and patient . It'll lurk inside us and wait for it's next attack, when we are most vulnerable.

That's why we have to forever be on our guard, we have to build up our "suit of armor", that being through meetings, Working the steps, talking to our sponsor, etc...

I'm coming to learn that in AA we never graduate, it's a constant learning process that never ends. We are a work in progress, every day. I like that too, knowing I will always be growing.

They say the "urges" and the "stinking thinking" decreases, I'm grateful to know that, but I also realize that if I become complacent in this "life" program, I could easily slip back to my old ways.

It's good that you vented your feelings, it definitely helps you, but it helps us all as well. It's a reminder to us that we never know when they will pop up.

Thanks for sharing!

SunnyFlower

I just realized it Newhouse , but, we both share the same sobriety birthday! CongratS! So we have something else in common.

freshstart57

You have identified your alcoholic voice right there, NewHouse. That is the source of the lies we hear that tell us we can do exactly what you said. Freedom from this comes when we accept that the voice natters away in the background, and when we choose to no longer do what it wants.

This thinking might be stinking, but it happens to everyone who is struggling with an addiction. It really is no more than the drive we all have for pleasure and relief, it explains why you feel so good about giving yourself permission to drink. Yep, off to the beach, gonna catch a buzz.

There are some tools that answer this need to a T, NewHouse, tools that neutralize this voice, this thinking you are having. Look up 'mindfulness', 'urge surfing' and 'AVRT'. They will help with that alcoholic voice.