Birdie03

I've gone to work drunk
I've gone to college classes drink
I've driven all around town drink
I've lied to everyone I love
I've lied to myself
I've almost died after a binge

After all of these things I've done, why, why, why does my mind keep telling me that I could have just one drink? Just one and you'll quit...it will be okay, you can control it. When will these evil thoughts stop messing with my head and my heart? I'm trying so hard to change, and it's so frustrating that the thing that's holding me back is myself. How do we get like this? How am I in such denial?

Carleeezy

Your mind is saying those things because of your dependency on the alcohol. You have to fight these urges to drink and quickly regain control of your mind. Get your body back. Don't let a substance get the better of you. Seek help, exercise and meditate daily. Meditation calms the mind and can shut off those ridiculous voices in your head.

onlythetruth

That's your Addictive Voice, Birdie. You might benefit from doing a bit of reading on AVRT on the secular forum. Even if you don't end up using AVRT per se, learning to recognize the AV for what it is can be very helpful.

Dee74

It's a part of the condition.

It's something we have to deal with, it's the reason why some people go 'out' again, and it's why support is so so important Birdie.

Stick with it - don't drink, find support, keep moving forward - it gets easier

D

hypochondriac

You and me both Birdie. It's crazy that those thoughts even exist, but they're there and you can't let them allow you to drink. I second looking into AVRT, I would be drunk without it x

NYCDoglvr

Denial is at the heart of all addiction. That's why I go to at least three meetings per week after 21 years of recovery. When I cut back the "voices" are loud and clear in my head.

Birdie03

Thanks everyone! All very helpful and encouraging responses

Zencat

I have dealt with the addictive voice successfully when I practice some useful recovery tools. Recognizing and Resisting Urges is a short article that can help stop that pesky brain chatter.

Remember "easy dose it", it takes some time to be recovered from a rather nasty condition as addiction.

john44

The important thing to realize is that these thoughts, urges and cravings will pass. Not only that, but I'm here to give you good news based on my personal experience... they will diminish steadily until one day, not too far in the future, you'll realize you haven't thought about drinking all day. You won't have cravings, the obsession will be lifted. These are some of the gifts I've been given since I stopped drinking and it's only been a little over 3 months. I'm told it gets even better.

newman23

I know exactly what you mean. Every single time I've drank, the thought of one last time has come to mind and "it will be different, you can drink and still be in control." Yet, without fail, every single time, I always black out and always find myself in the same situation the next day(i.e, awaking in total fear that I might have done/said something stupid, checking my phone/facebook, found out that I ate a ridiculous amount of food, sometimes not cooked properly, just waking up in time to go to work and immediately drinking when I come home which isn't living, having spent such a good portion of my check on booze, not advancing anywhere in my life, etc). At the same time, continuing on that path will eventually lead to death. But as many of us know, the addictive voice really doesn't care about that. Hang in there and find any support you can get. I have been trying AVRT and it has helped.

krs1

oh birdie i hear ya i'm in the same boat do good for a day feel great then the next is full of anxiety and voices of just a drink you can start again tomorrow!!!! uuuggghhh it's driving me crazy!! can someone tell me what AVRT is i've seen posts but have no clue duh me....lol

Dee74

There's any number of AVRT threads in the Secular Connections forum krs1...it's best to get the info from those who practice it

D

freshstart57

My experience with AVRT was that the urges lessen quickly over a short period of time, in weeks or months rather than years or decades, or never. Even when the urges pop up again, they have no urgency to them, nothing compelling anymore simply because we refuse to give them any control over us.

There is no 'trying' with AVRT. You do it, bam, you quit drinking. You do this by using the certainty that you can quit, and you will quit. The responsibility for your drinking lies with you, just like your sobriety.

As Dee suggested, go to the Secular Connections forum, or to the Rational Recovery website. Look for 'AVRT - The Crash Course', that may be all you need to do. It is a completely different approach than what you may expect from an alcoholism recovery technique.