Katelyn

Hi all, I am coming up on 3 months of sobriety, am working the steps, and really feel like I am 100% committed this time (tried once before a year ago). What I have been obsessing about is something that happened over a month ago..

At the time I was 6 weeks sober and was having a major meltdown/panic - I felt like I had to do *something,* take something, whatever, as I felt like I was going crazy. My husband was out of town, I was alone (a trigger for me) and I was really in a state of craziness. I knew that I didn't want to drink over it, and decided that I didn't think I should take a Xanax over it (I have Dr. rx for them but have since thrown them out).

So INSTEAD I looked through the medicine cabinet, found a vicodin, and took it. Somehow that seemed like the best of 3 evils at the time. I mean, I didn't DRINK and I chose not to take a Xanax (maybe I should have looking back). I've never abused prescription drugs before and it actually freaked me out, e.g. where did this idea to take a vicodin even come from? The thing is - the vicodin worked - it altered my mood and let me get through a tough few hours.

I've been rationalizing this to myself for a few weeks - since I chose NOT to drink nor take a Xanax (which I could have legitimately taken but thought that would be "weak" at the time) that somehow taking the Vicodin was just poor judgment. I didn't have a sponsor at the time and felt like I didn't have any other options. The problem is that now that I've learned more about what sobriety is (at least how some people define it), I am questioning whether I need to change my sobriety date.

While I believe that changing my sobriety date is ultimately my call I am really struggling with this. I wonder if I should attribute this to a one-time bad decision or if to be really clean I need to restart after it.

The difference between 3 months sober and 6 weeks sober is a huge difference at this point in time for me. So another alternative I thought of (hate these mind games) is just to wait until I have a few more months under my belt and then subtract the 6 weeks. Then it wouldn't feel so huge as it does at this point in time.

I would love to get your thoughts on this. Thanks - K

Live2Run25

I would keep your 3 months. keep in mind that you can't always take a vicodin to help your moods. You freaked out, and needed something, but you didn't drink. This one time, i'd move on without obessing over it. I know how important the numbers are. I just would make sure you have a better plan of action next time you feel this way!

PaperDolls

It's a personal decision. For myself, I would call it a relapse, a minor one but a relapse none the less. The thing is, I had many 'minor' relapses that convinced me I had this thing licked and then it got worse. That's just how my story goes so even an uneventful relapse is very dangerous for me.

You need to do what feels right in your gut. Don't let anyone make the decision for you. This is YOUR sobriety.

Mark75

Don't get all caught up in that, that was 6 weeks ago... what we need to do is stay in today and we do that one day at a time...

What are you doing TODAY?

I found that I don't always need concrete and definitive answers for all my questions. I need to not drink, and to stay in the day and work my program.

Misguided

Next time try chocolate milk

I have to agree with the others who say don't let it get to you. For me personally, I have never had an issue with being addicted to anything other than alcohol. I have been prescribed pain medication (for surgery) since my sobriety. While the thought of if I should really take such medicines concerned me, I also realized I didn't and still don't have a problem with taking medications like that when they are prescribed. (I know you weren't prescribed them but I'm saying, it's not necessarily a reason to start the count over).

Take it one day at a time and next time talk a walk, read a book or fix up a glass of chocolate milk. Maybe go to bed early if there's nothing else you can do. There are many times I still get annoyed with things and/or bored so I decide to take a nap or go to bed at 7pm.

Don't fret over the numbers. The only time I pay attention to my sober # of days now is when I need a reminder to not pick up a drink because it's been too long and a lot of work for me to turn back and relapse now.

Db1105

Sometimes the best decision is no decision. Just don't drink today. Since you mentioned getting a sponsor, I'll assume you're going to AA. I suggest you get a sponsor, choose a Home Group, and start your journey through the Twelve Steps.

CarolD

I've changed my date many times for various reasons.

I was in AA 4 years before I earned a 1 year medallion

My program is based on being honest with myself regardless
of how others do or don't do.

I think posting about your past situation is a good way to clear
your head and a new beginning is an excellent idea..

Not sure where this comes from..but I've found it true for me

"We are only as sick as our secrets
that comtinue to hold us in chains"

silly

I agree. I realize day counts mean a lot to most but sometimes it can drive us just TOO crazy. Why don't you wait a few days and see how you feel about it? We'll all have our own thoughts and opinions for you but it's your day count, not ours.

Try to relax and take pride in what you've accomplished!

Justfor1

Thank you, silly. One of the best posts I've read in a while. My 1 day slip, I was tempted to really make it count & go on a 2-3 day cocaine/alcohol bender. The funny thing was, that it was just easier to stay sober after that day then pick up a drink.

2granddaughters

My alcoholism led me to abandon the very rules that my soul (not my personality or senses) held sacred. I disappointed myself more than any other person.

I try not to do that today by being "rigorously honest" as the 12 Steps suggest.

All the best.

Bob R

Sasha4

Could your sobriety amount be three months minus one day?
Would that sit better in your mind?
I think that is how I would do it.

xx

sugarbear1

I have to be honest with me and no one else.

Katelyn

Thanks for all your input. Gives me such a better perspective on it. I get too caught up over-thinking things..

I feel that if I am fully honest with myself I do believe I was doing the best that I could on that day. So I am going to give myself a break for that one time. Anything like that in the future would be a relapse for me.

I agree that focusing on my recovery *now* is what would be in my best interest. That's enough to keep me occupied! k

Sapling

That's all we got.....And as far as overthinking things?....Show me an alcoholic that doesn't do that....One of my shortcomings I'm working on.

tomsteve

to thine own self be true.

bbthumper

If it bothers you, change it. I changed my date in the beginning because I realized the time I spent in the psych ward after my last drink was far from sober. I was taking advantage of the fact that anytime i felt anxious I could get an atavan from the nurses. So I changed my date to my last day in the psych ward instead of my last day drinking. Didnt matter much to anyone else, but it was bothering the hell out of me.

driftapart

Alcohol is your drug of choice. In my mind, anything outside of that doesn't count. Unless, of course, you're trying to replace alcohol with another substance. If I go out and smoke pot tomorrow, I just wouldn't be able to say "I relapsed" because it's apples and oranges imo.

Keep your date.

Zebra1275

I've been sober since I got up this morning and I will go to bed sober tonight.

Tomorrow I will start that routine over.

I don't get hung up counting days, I just take it one day at a time.

Now there was a time when I counted days. I got a bit over 2000 days (5 1/2 years) and then I drank. It then took me about a year of on again - off again drinking to finally get sober. Starting over on day 1 was too damn depressing, and really, sorta pointless. Having 2000 sober days didn't make me bullet proof.

Username1

As long as you aren't using it to replace alcohol or had a problem with it before then I don't think its a relapse.

RobC420

I'd go with whatever my sponsor told me and move on. Progress not perfection. Just think about what you can do different in the future. Step 11 perhaps?