Blew it again
Blew it again
I am not going to waste anyone elses time on here. I will deactivate my account tomorrow and return to simply being a failure and "trying my best". Why I cannot get this right is beyond me but I have proven myself worthless, gutless and without any willpower to speak of. My family should be ashamed. To all that tried to help and provided encouragment, thanks and I am sorry. Hope the rest of you are able to find success where I was only able to endure the open hand slap to the face that is failure.
4mykids723, don't be sorry nor resentful and do not give up on this. We all (just about all) fell on so many serious attempts early on, I kept coming here for four months last year while drinking daily, glad to say that was my last bender.
I am so frustrated. I think that my only solution is to quit playing live music until I get this under control. Every damned gig finds me breaking and drinking beer followed by smoking cigarettes followed by 3 days of misery for me and those around me. I have come to define myself as a live musician...this is going to suck in the worst way.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: seattle, wa
Posts: 72
please don't give up. it took me 2 years of trying while never getting past day 5 most times and day 9 at the best of attempts. I'm starting day 49 now...it can be done and you're life can be better than you ever imagined.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
I am so frustrated. I think that my only solution is to quit playing live music until I get this under control. Every damned gig finds me breaking and drinking beer followed by smoking cigarettes followed by 3 days of misery for me and those around me. I have come to define myself as a live musician...this is going to suck in the worst way.
Sapling has a great idea. Give AA a damn good shot for 90 days, You have nothing to lose.
It worked for me.
All the best.
Bob R
4my: I don't mean to sound flippant about this, but do you consider yourself an alcoholic, or just someone who lacks the willpower to drink normally?
I spent a long time (a couple of decades) thinking I was the latter, until I could no longer deny I was the former. Once I got past the hangups I had with the A-word, it was easier to accept some basic changes to my life. If you discovered you were asthmatic and had spent most of your adult life as the proprietor of a cigar bar, what would you do?
I spent a long time (a couple of decades) thinking I was the latter, until I could no longer deny I was the former. Once I got past the hangups I had with the A-word, it was easier to accept some basic changes to my life. If you discovered you were asthmatic and had spent most of your adult life as the proprietor of a cigar bar, what would you do?
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I too took years before I finally quit drinking....
I never gave up...but I did make many changes includeing
leaviing my job in the hospitality industry
Years later....I returned to that but oddly...it no longer suited
the AA recovered me...
There is no point in deactivating your account.
If you want to leave....simply don't log in.
Members come and go all the time
Some come back...others do not.
Bless them all on their journey.
I never gave up...but I did make many changes includeing
leaviing my job in the hospitality industry
Years later....I returned to that but oddly...it no longer suited
the AA recovered me...
There is no point in deactivating your account.
If you want to leave....simply don't log in.
Members come and go all the time
Some come back...others do not.
Bless them all on their journey.
I am so frustrated. I think that my only solution is to quit playing live music until I get this under control. Every damned gig finds me breaking and drinking beer followed by smoking cigarettes followed by 3 days of misery for me and those around me. I have come to define myself as a live musician...this is going to suck in the worst way.
I had 2 (fantastic) years of playing sober before I gave it up for health reasons...the difference was me.
I used the life as an excuse for sure, but if you're really committed to not drinking, what others do shouldn't phase you.
I can name probably 30 famous sober musos off the top of my head.
I gave up being a 'rockstar' but I become a better musician for it
If you're not sure you're committed, you can do what I did and take some time off, get yourself together and wait until your sobriety is rock solid and you know you won't be swayed by the places you go to or the company you keep...
Joining a recovery group and having that support is probably a good idea too...
It all means changes - you might find some of your mates don't get it, some may even be hostile to the changes...but you know what's at stake here.
You know what's important 4mykids
D
Last edited by Dee74; 09-30-2012 at 10:43 PM.
I'll post in the hope that you don't quit SR.
If you are truly committed to failure, you will fail. Simple as that. Then the addiction wins.
Commit to at least trying. Then every day you are sober you are giving your addiction an open hand slap to the face. That's a win for you.
Do whatever it takes. If it means quitting the music, then quit. If it means trying another recovery program, do so, because RR doesn't seem to be working for you. Surrender your will, cause your "will" has only led you to drinking.
Commit to at least trying. Then every day you are sober you are giving your addiction an open hand slap to the face. That's a win for you.
Do whatever it takes. If it means quitting the music, then quit. If it means trying another recovery program, do so, because RR doesn't seem to be working for you. Surrender your will, cause your "will" has only led you to drinking.
Eddie, I know I am an Alcoholic and have no issues with the word or admitting it. I come from a long line of them. I simply make excuses and fool myself into thinking things will be "different" this time.
Thank you all of you for talking me off the ledge as it were. I am committed to the October Class here and am ready to to it again. I tossed all of the Beer in my house yesterday, did not light up a cigarette and instead crushed the remainder of the pack I bought at the gig on Saturday.
A new day indeed.
Thank you all of you for talking me off the ledge as it were. I am committed to the October Class here and am ready to to it again. I tossed all of the Beer in my house yesterday, did not light up a cigarette and instead crushed the remainder of the pack I bought at the gig on Saturday.
A new day indeed.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Eddie, I know I am an Alcoholic and have no issues with the word or admitting it. I come from a long line of them. I simply make excuses and fool myself into thinking things will be "different" this time.
Thank you all of you for talking me off the ledge as it were. I am committed to the October Class here and am ready to to it again.
Thank you all of you for talking me off the ledge as it were. I am committed to the October Class here and am ready to to it again.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 141
“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”
― Mahatma Gandhi
Don't give up. Try to stay positive. AND DON'T KEEP SAYING THE NEGATIVE THINGS. What we don't realize is the power of our thoughts. The more you convince yourself of something, the more likely it's going to happen - whether it's good or bad.
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”
― Mahatma Gandhi
Don't give up. Try to stay positive. AND DON'T KEEP SAYING THE NEGATIVE THINGS. What we don't realize is the power of our thoughts. The more you convince yourself of something, the more likely it's going to happen - whether it's good or bad.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 590
Glad you are still here. Good for you. Take a little time to feel good about your decision. You really should be proud.
As you probably know, there are a lot of great people on this site that have gotten beyond addiction and have found the joyful, peaceful, sober life that we all seek. Please listen to them. We all need help to find that place but the help is available if you seek it out.
As you probably know, there are a lot of great people on this site that have gotten beyond addiction and have found the joyful, peaceful, sober life that we all seek. Please listen to them. We all need help to find that place but the help is available if you seek it out.
What am I doing differently this time? I have the newer version of the RR literature coming to me today which will replace the outdated Small Book that I have tried to use. I am also meeting with my band tonight and working a plan to put us on hold until at least April of 2013 so that I can focus on this and get a good head start before trying to play live again. I am planning on stepping up my Fly Fishing and Fly Tying hobbies as well as family activities as all are relaxing and done without a desire to drink. Booking my weekends with trips to the Zoo, Pumpkin Picking, Fishing, etc… will keep my mind off of not playing shows on the weekend and keep it focused on my sobriety, family and inner peace. This time I have also thrown out all of the Beer instead of leaving some for “Guests” and friends that I do not want to offend by not having any in the house. I need to take stock of who my real friends are and surround myself with people who will support this decision and not people who will judge and/or lead me right back down the same path to drinking.
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