4mykids723

I am not going to waste anyone elses time on here. I will deactivate my account tomorrow and return to simply being a failure and "trying my best". Why I cannot get this right is beyond me but I have proven myself worthless, gutless and without any willpower to speak of. My family should be ashamed. To all that tried to help and provided encouragment, thanks and I am sorry. Hope the rest of you are able to find success where I was only able to endure the open hand slap to the face that is failure.

RevivingOphelia

Check my join date. I'm ending a Day Four--again.

I'm not giving up, and I hope you don't either.

Scolova

4mykids723, don't be sorry nor resentful and do not give up on this. We all (just about all) fell on so many serious attempts early on, I kept coming here for four months last year while drinking daily, glad to say that was my last bender.

Username1

Dont give up dude, i failed a bunch of times, and i go day by day.

Sapling

You're only a failure if you quit trying......I'll ask you a simple question....Do you think you could commit to going to 90 AA meetings in 90 days?....It's a yes or no answer.

4mykids723

I am so frustrated. I think that my only solution is to quit playing live music until I get this under control. Every damned gig finds me breaking and drinking beer followed by smoking cigarettes followed by 3 days of misery for me and those around me. I have come to define myself as a live musician...this is going to suck in the worst way.

myhappyproject

please don't give up. it took me 2 years of trying while never getting past day 5 most times and day 9 at the best of attempts. I'm starting day 49 now...it can be done and you're life can be better than you ever imagined.

NatalieN

Don't give up. Any recovery counselor will tell you "one chip wonders" are trully the minority. Don't leave us. You can recover here.

2granddaughters

I have sober friends who are musicians but they had to get sober first.

Sapling has a great idea. Give AA a damn good shot for 90 days, You have nothing to lose.

It worked for me.

All the best.

Bob R

Eddiebuckle

4my: I don't mean to sound flippant about this, but do you consider yourself an alcoholic, or just someone who lacks the willpower to drink normally?

I spent a long time (a couple of decades) thinking I was the latter, until I could no longer deny I was the former. Once I got past the hangups I had with the A-word, it was easier to accept some basic changes to my life. If you discovered you were asthmatic and had spent most of your adult life as the proprietor of a cigar bar, what would you do?

CarolD

I too took years before I finally quit drinking....

I never gave up...but I did make many changes includeing
leaviing my job in the hospitality industry

Years later....I returned to that but oddly...it no longer suited
the AA recovered me...

There is no point in deactivating your account.
If you want to leave....simply don't log in.

Members come and go all the time
Some come back...others do not.
Bless them all on their journey.

Dee74

I was a gigging musician for years. I had about 20 years experience doing it drunk... blowing notes, forgetting songs, missing cues...eventually losing my career.

I had 2 (fantastic) years of playing sober before I gave it up for health reasons...the difference was me.

I used the life as an excuse for sure, but if you're really committed to not drinking, what others do shouldn't phase you.

I can name probably 30 famous sober musos off the top of my head.

I gave up being a 'rockstar' but I become a better musician for it

If you're not sure you're committed, you can do what I did and take some time off, get yourself together and wait until your sobriety is rock solid and you know you won't be swayed by the places you go to or the company you keep...

Joining a recovery group and having that support is probably a good idea too...

It all means changes - you might find some of your mates don't get it, some may even be hostile to the changes...but you know what's at stake here.

You know what's important 4mykids
D

justhadenough

Hey,don't give up. Many of us are trying again.Maybe join the October class in the newcomers section-it's a great support

doggonecarl

I'll post in the hope that you don't quit SR.

If you are truly committed to failure, you will fail. Simple as that. Then the addiction wins.

Commit to at least trying. Then every day you are sober you are giving your addiction an open hand slap to the face. That's a win for you.

Do whatever it takes. If it means quitting the music, then quit. If it means trying another recovery program, do so, because RR doesn't seem to be working for you. Surrender your will, cause your "will" has only led you to drinking.

wallup

Please don't give up. You're in the same boat as 99% of us here with relapses. Keep trying until something works.

4mykids723

Eddie, I know I am an Alcoholic and have no issues with the word or admitting it. I come from a long line of them. I simply make excuses and fool myself into thinking things will be "different" this time.

Thank you all of you for talking me off the ledge as it were. I am committed to the October Class here and am ready to to it again. I tossed all of the Beer in my house yesterday, did not light up a cigarette and instead crushed the remainder of the pack I bought at the gig on Saturday.

A new day indeed.

Sapling

What are you doing that will make it different this time?...This is a serious question. When I was doing my 90 meetings in 90 days...Suggested to me by an old timer speaker while I was in rehab....They had a sign on the wall that I looked at every day.....Nothing changes.....Nothing changes. I burned that into my brain....For me...It was as simple as that.

Misguided

“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”
― Mahatma Gandhi

Don't give up. Try to stay positive. AND DON'T KEEP SAYING THE NEGATIVE THINGS. What we don't realize is the power of our thoughts. The more you convince yourself of something, the more likely it's going to happen - whether it's good or bad.

Happier

Glad you are still here. Good for you. Take a little time to feel good about your decision. You really should be proud.
As you probably know, there are a lot of great people on this site that have gotten beyond addiction and have found the joyful, peaceful, sober life that we all seek. Please listen to them. We all need help to find that place but the help is available if you seek it out.

4mykids723

What am I doing differently this time? I have the newer version of the RR literature coming to me today which will replace the outdated Small Book that I have tried to use. I am also meeting with my band tonight and working a plan to put us on hold until at least April of 2013 so that I can focus on this and get a good head start before trying to play live again. I am planning on stepping up my Fly Fishing and Fly Tying hobbies as well as family activities as all are relaxing and done without a desire to drink. Booking my weekends with trips to the Zoo, Pumpkin Picking, Fishing, etc… will keep my mind off of not playing shows on the weekend and keep it focused on my sobriety, family and inner peace. This time I have also thrown out all of the Beer instead of leaving some for “Guests” and friends that I do not want to offend by not having any in the house. I need to take stock of who my real friends are and surround myself with people who will support this decision and not people who will judge and/or lead me right back down the same path to drinking.