Drunk/tipsy people in AA meetings-safety?
 

Hi everyone,

As this is something that's happened at the same meeting two weeks in a row, i'd just like to ask for your opinions and experience with such a thing.

Last week, another member and I were very concerned for another's safety, she rocked up drunk, clung to another member, cross-talked and rambled a bit when we spoke outside.

This isn't where the worry stems from.

After the meeting, she jumped in her car and drove home.

The other woman asked for the Secretary's & another member's advice as to what to do and all that could really be said was "keep coming back".

I understand it, to a degree. Most people in AA i've met aren't particularly hostile and I can see that it would very possibly deter the person who has been drinking from coming back, be quite antagonising and it could escalate to a yelling match, which could damage any good that this person (or anyone else in that given situation) has gotten from the rooms thus far.

Our concern was that she was driving home half-cut and was putting herself in significant danger. Not to mention EVERYONE ELSE on the roads :(

Don't we have some kind of duty of care to other members as fellow human beings?

It seemed *really* trite that the best that could be offered was a half-arsed "keep coming back"

Thoughts?

xx

Quinne, I think it's more than irresponsible, (especially at an AA meeting), for a group of people to allow a visibly drunk person to operate a motor vehicle. I'd have pulled her keys and taken her home, called her a cab or called the cops if she resisted. Yes I think we do have a duty to care for others safety!

Yeah, calling the cops on a drunk who fully intends to drive is the right choice. Physically taking keys away, or otherwise being physical is not a good idea. Just call the cops ASAP, and give them the tags of the car. Don't even have to wait for the drunk to get into the car...

We do have a duty to do what is right. :)

We always insist on driving a person that has been drinking home. Calling the cops is threatened and so far, that has worked.

If I know they intended on drinking and driving, I call the cops anyways. I guess I don't have any regrets on that action. I'm not sympathetic of drunk drivers. Full stop.

What did you offer to do?

Someone needed to step up and take the keys away and take her home while another person could driver her vehicle; then taking the driver back to the meeting/home/their vehicle.

Group Conscience in order here!

it has happened at my HG. for the safety of the person involved and the public at large, we have given the person the choice of letting someoen else drive them home or a call to the cops. some have chosen a ride from another member of AA and others have chosen a ride in the back of a cop car.

Thanks everyone (as always!) for your quick responses :)

sugarbear, i'm really ashamed to admit that all I did was sit with her outside after and talk to her. I didn't broach the topic of how inebriated she was; the elephant was clearly bright pink and very much in the room :( I called out after her when she was leaving (several times), but she didn't respond. I think there was a fear on my part of "speaking out of turn". Which is just ridiculous, that was definitely my ego getting in the way :/ Unfortunately, I don't have my driver's licence-I haven't lost it, i've just never had it, i'm still on my Learner's permit-but this is *yet* another good reason to work toward it.

I called another member and spoke to her about it at length after I got home. I actually wanted to call this woman and make sure she got home safely. The advice I was given was that i'd be serving my own interests and it'd be best to call her the following day when she was (presumably) sober. So I did. Again, we didn't talk about the previous night and her brevity made it feel impossible to actually say something. Hindsight tells me I should've put more thought into what could've been said.

This other woman (tonight) was really quite hostile and I was actually afraid that saying/doing anything would've been a catalyst for her completely flipping out. Another member was trying to coax her into handing over her keys, it didn't achieve anything and she stopped pushing the issue rather quickly.

Such a humbling reminder-while I have respect for the fact that this woman tonight told the group quite openly that she'd slipped a few times in the last week, the way she spoke about how she didn't have the compulsion, the urges or the cravings since picking up and she would speak to her sponsor about whether she's really an alcoholic or not really hit home for me and I have no doubt, many of the other members too.

I hope she comes back.....I will be saying a prayer for her tonight :(

xx

I was at an AA meeting once, years ago, giving my lead. And while I was talking, a guy who'd come in clearly drunk got up and left, literally weaving his way out the door. He weaved his way over to his car, walking past a group of smokers outside, got in it, backed directly into MY car, then drove off. I didn't find out about the incident or the damage to my car until the meeting was over.

The interesting thing is that no one thought to stop this guy, even the people who watched him hit my car and then drive off. I guess they were so used to seeing, and dismissing the man (who was a chronic relapser, often showing up drunk) that he was basically invisible.

So I called the police. He had made it home safely, thank God but it might not have been that way, and I do think that we need to remember that our responsibilities as citizens aren't suspended at recovery meetings.

Why not get the license number and call the cops?
That is what I have done....:yup:

I've seen many more people leave parties and bars drunk
than I've seen AA members arrive or leave meetings drunk.
Yes..when I was drinking I thought nothing of it

In sobriety I have called the police on them too..

I never would have called the police. Imagine what that person would think of fellow AA'ers who busted her. You have to admire this person for making a meeting. I think only a trained police officer has the right to make the choice to stop someone from driving. I do think inviting her out for cake/coffee after the meeting would of been better.

I would have called the cops. Just imagine what she would feel waking up in jail after killing someone. Never mind her shame at being "busted" by AA members, protect the public from drunk drivers, no matter how they 'feel' about being 'busted'.

Before I saw Robby's post, my first thought was, "call the cops." It the kindest, most loving thing you can do in that situation. Not to mention responsible. We had don't help somebody by shielding the, from the natural consequences of their actions.

Yeah, absolutely. And if the cops arrive before the driver gets behind the wheel, then there are no DUI charges made. Perhaps some open container concerns, but whatever the case maybe. The whole situation can become a win/win, and a work of compassion for all involved, as Keith notes.

Its not about people being charged and hauled off to jail. Its about the safety and welfare of everybody and anybody, yeah?

:grouphug:

While some may disagree I don't think it is the kindest thing to do to a person. Getting someone involved in the criminal justice system is never a good thing. It is not always an alcoholics "wake up call" & sometimes the shame of being arrested leads to more drinking. I am sober today not because of my consequences from drinking but because of the benefits of being sober.:happysad:

Yeah, I disagree. Calling the cops is not about doing a "wake up call" for the drunken driver. I do agree, that shame can lead to more drinking, and that's a sad truth about drinking, yeah? not about what responsibilites exist around drunk drivers.

Me, I'm sober BOTH because of my consequences/responsibilites while drinking, AND the ongoing benefits and duties of living sober. One of those duties is clearly public safety re: drunk driving.

Drunk driving isn't rocket science. Its wrong. No matter the justification, its still wrong. Drunk driving is pure and simple like playing russian roulette...

Quinne, after reading through these posts I thought of another, perhaps frightening, possiblity. Maybe when you talked to her the next day she didn't remember driving to the meeting & was in a blackout?? I woke up the next morning once to find fast food wrappers in my car & I had no recollection of eating. :gaah

Yeah, sorry for your tragic losses. I lost my youngest sister, back in 1972, to a drunk driver. He ran her over. She died in the ambulance. She was 6 yrs old.

Myself, I've had some close calls, mostly as a drunken passenger, sometimes as a drunken driver. Even after my sister's death. Truth be told, that year was the worse... surreal how addiction mixed with unfocused guilt and useless regret creates even more justifications to waste our lives, no matter the dangers, or risks... what a deluded fool I once was.

I don't have any axe to grind with drunk drivers. I'm all done with the blame game. I just don't have any cookie jar filled with excuses and justifications to pass around either as feel-good alternatives to our collective responsibilites.

Welcome to SR, Friskme!

:grouphug:

I don't need a group conscience to make the decision to do the right thing which, in my opinion, is to first attempt to prevent them from driving. If that doesn't work, call the police.

I have a responsibility to do that. Period.

I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I found out that the drunk driver I watched pull away from an AA meeting killed an innocent person or themselves. Something I could have attempted to prevent.