How do you "See" the alcoholic now ?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 353
How do you "See" the alcoholic now ?
Or should I say, how do you perceive the struggling alcoholic? I'm not sure what I'll get from this realization et, but I'm sure I will learn something from it.
We recently read in the Big Book the story of the pilots who got busted flying a commercial airplane while over the limit. The story was about one of the guys who really turned his life around etc...
I remember this when it was on the news. I couldn't believe it and I thought what a bunch of idiots! I also would think that about people who got dwi's especially repeat offenders. I would criticize pro athletes who have everything, yet go get busted doing dumb drunk things, this one really bugged me because they had it all and were throwing it away. (Think Darryl Strawberry)..
Now, I see a story in the news, or someone in real life that clearly has a problem and I wish I could help them. I understand what they are going through often times when they don't. I feel compassion and hope they get help. This recently happened at a baseball game I attended with my 8 year old son. the guy right across the aisle from us was bombed, yelling, swearing, and even spilled his beer on us a couple of times without noticing. He was eventually asked to leave and wasn't too happy about it. Instead of getting mad, I just prayed that he gets help..
Anyway, thanks for reading if you made it this far. I just wanted to write it down..
Heavy...
We recently read in the Big Book the story of the pilots who got busted flying a commercial airplane while over the limit. The story was about one of the guys who really turned his life around etc...
I remember this when it was on the news. I couldn't believe it and I thought what a bunch of idiots! I also would think that about people who got dwi's especially repeat offenders. I would criticize pro athletes who have everything, yet go get busted doing dumb drunk things, this one really bugged me because they had it all and were throwing it away. (Think Darryl Strawberry)..
Now, I see a story in the news, or someone in real life that clearly has a problem and I wish I could help them. I understand what they are going through often times when they don't. I feel compassion and hope they get help. This recently happened at a baseball game I attended with my 8 year old son. the guy right across the aisle from us was bombed, yelling, swearing, and even spilled his beer on us a couple of times without noticing. He was eventually asked to leave and wasn't too happy about it. Instead of getting mad, I just prayed that he gets help..
Anyway, thanks for reading if you made it this far. I just wanted to write it down..
Heavy...
Run to live... live to run
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Western Maryland
Posts: 1,091
I feel bad for them. I realize now, that sometimes it's out of their control.. their grip. I still meet up with friends at bars and watch with completely sober eyes how STUPID people act. I am usually overcome with extreme shame knowing that that's how I was EVERY time I was out at the bar.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 13
Hi, HeavyJ. Btw, glad your morning went well, hope it continued...
It's interesting that you brought this up, because I was thinking about this today.
I've known, worked with, had family members and friends who were dire alcoholics, some unwilling to try to get better,and I was right there with them because I'm headed down the same path if I don't get my stuff together. Then I lost my best friend and brother-in-law to suicide, and another really good friend to a stroke at 46... They were alcohol related.
I never judged them, even after I recognized the problem I refused to see in them, and then myself.
I adopt, or try to, the mantra of being kinder than necessary, because I don't know what somebody else is going through. Now that I see, understand, and have experienced, I try to double down on that.
That in no way is to suggest that I will allow someone to take advantage of me, or lie to me, or use me to facilitate their disease.
What I was thinking about today was an incident some years back.
A coworker had checked into rehab while on vacation in Fla. He was too drunk to get on the plane and come home. His sponsor called our boss to explain what happened, and asked if he would have a job when he came home. Our boss was understanding and encouraging, and told him he would have his job when he came back. (I'm sure there were some stipulations...)
I was glad to see my coworker when he came back. He has stayed sober for some 10 years.
But one day, he was discussing (why, I don't know) politics at lunch, and a candidate who had been known to drink heavily in college and through his 30's. Of course that was some 2 decades plus in the candidate's past. He called the candidate a drunk loser and a lush, and anybody would have to be an idiot to vote for somebody like that.
I was eating silently (I hate talking politics), and about choked on my sandwich. I still remember the sandwich. lol.
I lost a lot of respect for him that day. I still hope he's doing well and sober, though.
It's interesting that you brought this up, because I was thinking about this today.
I've known, worked with, had family members and friends who were dire alcoholics, some unwilling to try to get better,and I was right there with them because I'm headed down the same path if I don't get my stuff together. Then I lost my best friend and brother-in-law to suicide, and another really good friend to a stroke at 46... They were alcohol related.
I never judged them, even after I recognized the problem I refused to see in them, and then myself.
I adopt, or try to, the mantra of being kinder than necessary, because I don't know what somebody else is going through. Now that I see, understand, and have experienced, I try to double down on that.
That in no way is to suggest that I will allow someone to take advantage of me, or lie to me, or use me to facilitate their disease.
What I was thinking about today was an incident some years back.
A coworker had checked into rehab while on vacation in Fla. He was too drunk to get on the plane and come home. His sponsor called our boss to explain what happened, and asked if he would have a job when he came home. Our boss was understanding and encouraging, and told him he would have his job when he came back. (I'm sure there were some stipulations...)
I was glad to see my coworker when he came back. He has stayed sober for some 10 years.
But one day, he was discussing (why, I don't know) politics at lunch, and a candidate who had been known to drink heavily in college and through his 30's. Of course that was some 2 decades plus in the candidate's past. He called the candidate a drunk loser and a lush, and anybody would have to be an idiot to vote for somebody like that.
I was eating silently (I hate talking politics), and about choked on my sandwich. I still remember the sandwich. lol.
I lost a lot of respect for him that day. I still hope he's doing well and sober, though.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
I looked up someone that I held a resentment against, thinking about putting it to rest permanently, and found out that he had died.
I am not sure if he took his own life, or if it was an accident, but it happened a couple years ago.
I know he had drug and alcohol problems, and turns out that all these years I've held a resentment towards him, he was obviously going through his own kind of hell.
Kind of really threw me for a loop, makes me think really hard about ANY resentments.
I am not sure if he took his own life, or if it was an accident, but it happened a couple years ago.
I know he had drug and alcohol problems, and turns out that all these years I've held a resentment towards him, he was obviously going through his own kind of hell.
Kind of really threw me for a loop, makes me think really hard about ANY resentments.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
I sort of go back and forth on this. The compassionate side of me obviously understands the struggle, and I feel sad. The recovered side of me has a lot less tolerance for people who I presume drink too much or are alcoholics and aren't trying to heal their lives. Sometimes I feel if I can do it, anyone can.. and I also realize very few alcoholics recover. It's sad, but in my 'real' life.. I'm not in contact with anyone that I perceive having a strong relationship with alcohol.
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Mostly I view folks who are currently struggling with addictions as people who are in great pain and who also cause others great pain. I see both sides. I have compassion but I also know the trouble that addicted folks can cause and create, because I've been there myself on both sides of this thing.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
I feel that for some alcoholics one has to admit their actions are not just "part of the disease" but criminal in natural. For example, I had several DUI's. I use to blame everyone. The police picking on me or the bartender who over served me ect... The fact is disease or not I crossed the line into anti-social behavior. Stealing from stores, scamming tourists downtown, buying illegal drugs,scamming my family ect... I needed to be locked up in jail but instead got sentenced to a number of rehabs. Those would help for a while until I would relapse, go on a bender, get a court case, sent to rehab, repeat..... Anti-social behavior is a danger to civilized society. I believe people need to get 5-10 years in prison for their first DUI.
Nice to read.
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