Does anyone stop the first time?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
I got my "Desire" chip on 9/14/08... Haven't looked back, although that desire thing, well it was a little tenuous at first... It's all good now.... It all still seems a little surreal at times, but I live for today, these days, and I don't have to make sense of everything that happened to be at peace with it.
Yes. I stopped the first time. I know many who did.
Yes. I stopped the first time. I know many who did.
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
My last drink was September 23rd, 2002 - aka 10 years ago. It was the first time I tried to stop after 25 years of drinking and other assorted chemicals. I went through an intensive outpatient treatment program for 6 weeks and then became a committed member of 12 step recovery.
A lot has happened, good and bad, during my recovery but none of it was so bad that I needed to make it worse by drinking, none of it was so good that I needed to make it worse by drinking, none of it was so dull that I needed to make it worse by drinking, none of it was no exciting that... well you get the idea.
A lot has happened, good and bad, during my recovery but none of it was so bad that I needed to make it worse by drinking, none of it was so good that I needed to make it worse by drinking, none of it was so dull that I needed to make it worse by drinking, none of it was no exciting that... well you get the idea.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
I have to say, this idea that some have, that relapses and slips are inevitable, has always bothered me some. The desire to drink after quitting is inevitable for a large majority i am sure, but actually doing it? I don't buy that is inevitable.
Make a plan to utilize when you feel sobriety is endangered, and commit ahead of time to following it.
I told myself if what I was doing to not drink started to become less effective, i would commit to trying AA or a counselor before I would take a drink. What I have done has and is working, so I have not done that. But that promise I made to myself isn't over. It is a deal that stands for the rest of my life. That deal is: I will do everything possible to not relapse.
Make a plan to utilize when you feel sobriety is endangered, and commit ahead of time to following it.
I told myself if what I was doing to not drink started to become less effective, i would commit to trying AA or a counselor before I would take a drink. What I have done has and is working, so I have not done that. But that promise I made to myself isn't over. It is a deal that stands for the rest of my life. That deal is: I will do everything possible to not relapse.
AA member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: United Kingdom.
Posts: 3,007
I stopped drinking many times for varying periods of time,once it was 3years,I thought I had it cracked.I still had no defence against the first drink.
In May2003 I went to AA,I have not picked a drink up since,I needed the 12step programme to show me how to live a day at a time.
In May2003 I went to AA,I have not picked a drink up since,I needed the 12step programme to show me how to live a day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 218
Iasked one of my conselors this very question in my IOP program. " we talk about relapse like its inevitable, is it"? His answer was "absolutely not,but the chances of success are much much greater if you stay connected to your sobriety." "Keep it a priority for life and stay connected, whether it be aa, counseling, whatever works for you". This among others things was one of the most powerful two minutes of a 36 hour program.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by binger33 
I'm attempting sobriety for the first time in my life since beginning to drink. And as much as this website is helping me, it also has me worried that next to no one is able to quit the first time they try. A lot of people have said falling off the wagon is just part of the process. Do people really believe this? Because it really is a shot to my confidence in trying to break the habit. Can anyone on here attest to being able to quit and not looking back at their first attempt? I could really use the encouragement.
I wish you the best.
Bob R
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
I quit drinking on the first "try". Perhaps...because I never thought of it as "trying", only as "doing", who knows. But for me it took right away.
Of course, relapse is common and people often do have to take a few hits at this thing before they get it. There's no shame in that, it's just the reality. I do get a bit annoyed, though, with the notion that you HAVE to relapse, like there's something wrong if you DON'T! Sheesh!!!!
Of course, relapse is common and people often do have to take a few hits at this thing before they get it. There's no shame in that, it's just the reality. I do get a bit annoyed, though, with the notion that you HAVE to relapse, like there's something wrong if you DON'T! Sheesh!!!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Heaven & Earth
Posts: 50
OnlytheTruth, I never looked at it as 'doing' but as 'trying' and perhaps that is why I fell off the wagon. The last time was not good and I finally got it. I admitted to myself that I cannot be near alcohol at all and have to change how I view my triggers as well as what I'm trying to cover up or not solve with alcohol.
Also, I was making my goal of sobriety too large. I'm going to be sober for a year...nope..I couldn't do it but others have. Now I look at it as, "I will be sober today". So far, so good.
All the best!
Also, I was making my goal of sobriety too large. I'm going to be sober for a year...nope..I couldn't do it but others have. Now I look at it as, "I will be sober today". So far, so good.
All the best!
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Binger,
I made it my first try on 21 September 2010 two years and six days ago. I read here and had already been a counselor myself in one of my former lives. I did an in hospital detox for 7 days to start and also quit a 3 pack a day smoking habit at the same time for which I used patches for a year to make sure I stayed away.
I was determined never to drink again from the start. I planned it up front with my GP Doc. He knew how much I drank and smoked and when I found my VA hospital could take me at my convenience, just check in, I set up my wife and two grown boys beforehand as she might need some help while I was away. I was scheduled for a 28 day rehab but I realized after a few days I was taking up a bed when I did not need a babysitter or as one of the homeless said three hots and a cot. So I quit rehab after three days.
I joined here On SR and found a really great local AA group as my home group. ( I hated the first meeting I went to, almost turned me off to AA but I needed help, so from advice here I tried a few other groups and found the perfect one for me.)
I am not counting all those mornings the last two years when I said I would quit tomorrow, and could not get past the first thing in the morning. I am talking about my planned first time.
I stayed with my AA home group for three months two meetings a week and here on SR still. No I did not leave AA disgruntled, or even gruntled. I took what I could use and left the rest just like I did with my Rehab. I do it here as well. AA is not for everyone but for us that have made it with their help, either daily and for life, or in a more limited fashion like me, I recommend it to all at least as a jumping off place to tap into the community resources and where there is additional help.
Things that are true for others but not all others, and were not true for me.
1. No one recovers. False for me. I am recovered despite the fact that I can never take another drink or even one smoke and control it. The fact that I WILL never take another drink, even to the point of saying to God, if she ever offers me the ability to drink with no ill effects, no thanks. I don't want it anymore, I remember how it tastes and feels, I am not motivated by fear or the opinions of others. I don't want a drink of alcohol ever. I am not deprived I survived and don't need it any more. I am not curious to see if I can handle it again at some point. Remember Groundhog Day the movie? I know alcohol and what it does as intimately as Bill Murray knew what was going top happen each day. Boooooooring! Been there, done that! Got the T-shirt and the hat. I am onto other adventures with the rest of my life. Not reruns forever. I am recovered unless I drink and I don't want to anymore.
I have no problems with people who believe it is true for them that they can never say never again, as long as they understand it is true for me that I can and did. No offense to others but I am not going to try to believe I can't ever recover because then it would be true for me too. Some people need validation. I don't beyond I am, and will remain sober. Actions always speak louder than words, but words are still words.
I am not struggling anymore day by day. And for all that point to a relapse they had after X Years of sobriety as to how uncertain life can be I say that I can also die tomorrow if a meteor hits me on the head and removes it. But I am not going to live in that fear because it is possible.
2. No one should say they plan to never drink again, it scares off the newly sober or is too much at first to contemplate. False for me. From day one I was done. I just needed to detox safely and sort out the horrible PAWS I had starting with dry skin and dandruff for the first time in my life. Thus my name here Itchy. What then? To say we are only quitting for today? Whew, those folks must not have hit bottom as hard as I did because I hated being an alcoholic. I quit for good and was only interested in healing and feeling better which IO do mostly now. Thanks to here I have read every delusion of control and I can do it now that people have used to justify drinking again and a horrid relapse that gets worse with each repetition.
I did NOT go through all that pain only to go through it again like a bizarro Groundhog Day movie where I am doomed to repeat detox over and over.
It is not easy, but it is doable. Once done be done. At six months I almost left SR because of all the relapses and talk of it being inevitable. I was afraid I might start believing it. Then I realized I was being delusional in a way that might actually lead to relapse. I did not have to believe it, it was that simple. I am sober and able to be rational occasionally you see.
Hope that helps. It is not an invalidation of the other approaches, as long as they work for them. If they don't work it is time to add something new or try something totally different not repeat over and over.
For too long I chose to drink rather than go through the pain of withdrawal. These days I choose to stay sober rather than go through the pain of drunkenness daily ever again. I am in complete control of my sobriety, and never can be in control of my drinking alcohol. Sober I can choose.
I made it my first try on 21 September 2010 two years and six days ago. I read here and had already been a counselor myself in one of my former lives. I did an in hospital detox for 7 days to start and also quit a 3 pack a day smoking habit at the same time for which I used patches for a year to make sure I stayed away.
I was determined never to drink again from the start. I planned it up front with my GP Doc. He knew how much I drank and smoked and when I found my VA hospital could take me at my convenience, just check in, I set up my wife and two grown boys beforehand as she might need some help while I was away. I was scheduled for a 28 day rehab but I realized after a few days I was taking up a bed when I did not need a babysitter or as one of the homeless said three hots and a cot. So I quit rehab after three days.
I joined here On SR and found a really great local AA group as my home group. ( I hated the first meeting I went to, almost turned me off to AA but I needed help, so from advice here I tried a few other groups and found the perfect one for me.)
I am not counting all those mornings the last two years when I said I would quit tomorrow, and could not get past the first thing in the morning. I am talking about my planned first time.
I stayed with my AA home group for three months two meetings a week and here on SR still. No I did not leave AA disgruntled, or even gruntled. I took what I could use and left the rest just like I did with my Rehab. I do it here as well. AA is not for everyone but for us that have made it with their help, either daily and for life, or in a more limited fashion like me, I recommend it to all at least as a jumping off place to tap into the community resources and where there is additional help.
Things that are true for others but not all others, and were not true for me.
1. No one recovers. False for me. I am recovered despite the fact that I can never take another drink or even one smoke and control it. The fact that I WILL never take another drink, even to the point of saying to God, if she ever offers me the ability to drink with no ill effects, no thanks. I don't want it anymore, I remember how it tastes and feels, I am not motivated by fear or the opinions of others. I don't want a drink of alcohol ever. I am not deprived I survived and don't need it any more. I am not curious to see if I can handle it again at some point. Remember Groundhog Day the movie? I know alcohol and what it does as intimately as Bill Murray knew what was going top happen each day. Boooooooring! Been there, done that! Got the T-shirt and the hat. I am onto other adventures with the rest of my life. Not reruns forever. I am recovered unless I drink and I don't want to anymore.
I have no problems with people who believe it is true for them that they can never say never again, as long as they understand it is true for me that I can and did. No offense to others but I am not going to try to believe I can't ever recover because then it would be true for me too. Some people need validation. I don't beyond I am, and will remain sober. Actions always speak louder than words, but words are still words.
I am not struggling anymore day by day. And for all that point to a relapse they had after X Years of sobriety as to how uncertain life can be I say that I can also die tomorrow if a meteor hits me on the head and removes it. But I am not going to live in that fear because it is possible.
2. No one should say they plan to never drink again, it scares off the newly sober or is too much at first to contemplate. False for me. From day one I was done. I just needed to detox safely and sort out the horrible PAWS I had starting with dry skin and dandruff for the first time in my life. Thus my name here Itchy. What then? To say we are only quitting for today? Whew, those folks must not have hit bottom as hard as I did because I hated being an alcoholic. I quit for good and was only interested in healing and feeling better which IO do mostly now. Thanks to here I have read every delusion of control and I can do it now that people have used to justify drinking again and a horrid relapse that gets worse with each repetition.
I did NOT go through all that pain only to go through it again like a bizarro Groundhog Day movie where I am doomed to repeat detox over and over.
It is not easy, but it is doable. Once done be done. At six months I almost left SR because of all the relapses and talk of it being inevitable. I was afraid I might start believing it. Then I realized I was being delusional in a way that might actually lead to relapse. I did not have to believe it, it was that simple. I am sober and able to be rational occasionally you see.
Hope that helps. It is not an invalidation of the other approaches, as long as they work for them. If they don't work it is time to add something new or try something totally different not repeat over and over.
For too long I chose to drink rather than go through the pain of withdrawal. These days I choose to stay sober rather than go through the pain of drunkenness daily ever again. I am in complete control of my sobriety, and never can be in control of my drinking alcohol. Sober I can choose.
uʍop ǝpısdn
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: California
Posts: 422
I don't know. For me it was no. But it's because of stupidity. The first time I was able to quit I went 6 months. In that time I became strong in my sobriety and didn't even think about a drink. Till one day I had a glass of wine on vacation, then 2 weeks later I'm right back where I started.
I've done this several times. Right now I'm 5 months sober from drinking and I feel strong. So strong that I fool my self into think I can have one drink.
One drink will have me right back in the same situation.
I am 5 months now, but I know that one drink is just around the corner.
I've done this several times. Right now I'm 5 months sober from drinking and I feel strong. So strong that I fool my self into think I can have one drink.
One drink will have me right back in the same situation.
I am 5 months now, but I know that one drink is just around the corner.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by binger33
I'm attempting sobriety for the first time in my life since beginning to drink. And as much as this website is helping me, it also has me worried that next to no one is able to quit the first time they try. A lot of people have said falling off the wagon is just part of the process. Do people really believe this? Because it really is a shot to my confidence in trying to break the habit. Can anyone on here attest to being able to quit and not looking back at their first attempt? I could really use the encouragement.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 360
I have come to believe that fears and doubts are the addictive voice. Think it through;
No one quits the first time
I can't quit the first time if no one else was able to
It's going to happen anyways, I'll learn next time
One of the most important tools is to recognize the addictive voice, it can be very clever and subtle. The reason a lot of people fail many times is because they didn't understand addiction well enough. Empower yourself with education, read the posts on this forum every day and be honest with yourself. If you do this I think you will begin to learn a lot about yourself and addiction, and that is the key to success.
This isn't like a marathon or athletic event where you could under train and not be ready, there is no period of time or set number of relapses before it finally clicks.
However, going with the sports analogy, once you have something, you will lose it if you don't work to maintain it. The runner who quits running won't be able to go as far as he once did. There never has to be another relapse as long as you continue to work at it.
No one quits the first time
I can't quit the first time if no one else was able to
It's going to happen anyways, I'll learn next time
One of the most important tools is to recognize the addictive voice, it can be very clever and subtle. The reason a lot of people fail many times is because they didn't understand addiction well enough. Empower yourself with education, read the posts on this forum every day and be honest with yourself. If you do this I think you will begin to learn a lot about yourself and addiction, and that is the key to success.
This isn't like a marathon or athletic event where you could under train and not be ready, there is no period of time or set number of relapses before it finally clicks.
However, going with the sports analogy, once you have something, you will lose it if you don't work to maintain it. The runner who quits running won't be able to go as far as he once did. There never has to be another relapse as long as you continue to work at it.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I've been reading this thread and wondering what constitutes "first time/try"
I do find it hard to believe that many people one day say "I think I have a drinking problem" and that same day decide to stop, and they never drink again.
It seems to me that for very many of us the seriousness of our problem only hits home when we try to stop...and can't. It's when we realize we can't just stop, that we realize that we NEED to stop.
Most of us go through that trial and error, without a recovery program, as a sort of self test. It usually takes some fairly "in your face" inarguable experiences before we are ready to say, "that's it, I'm DONE." At that point, having discovered that it's not as easy as saying "pass the apple juice" many people feel the need to make a serious, permanent commitment to staying sober.
So, is the "first time" the day that a person scratches their head and says "I may be drinking more than I should."
Or is it when they formally commit to a recognized recovery program?
No one is doomed to relapse
nor is the experience of relapse proof that someone is hopeless and doomed.
People walk their own journeys.
I do find it hard to believe that many people one day say "I think I have a drinking problem" and that same day decide to stop, and they never drink again.
It seems to me that for very many of us the seriousness of our problem only hits home when we try to stop...and can't. It's when we realize we can't just stop, that we realize that we NEED to stop.
Most of us go through that trial and error, without a recovery program, as a sort of self test. It usually takes some fairly "in your face" inarguable experiences before we are ready to say, "that's it, I'm DONE." At that point, having discovered that it's not as easy as saying "pass the apple juice" many people feel the need to make a serious, permanent commitment to staying sober.
So, is the "first time" the day that a person scratches their head and says "I may be drinking more than I should."
Or is it when they formally commit to a recognized recovery program?
No one is doomed to relapse
nor is the experience of relapse proof that someone is hopeless and doomed.
People walk their own journeys.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,180
Originally Posted by Threshold
I've been reading this thread and wondering what constitutes "first time/try"
I do find it hard to believe that many people one day say "I think I have a drinking problem" and that same day decide to stop, and they never drink again.
It seems to me that for very many of us the seriousness of our problem only hits home when we try to stop...and can't. It's when we realize we can't just stop, that we realize that we NEED to stop.
Most of us go through that trial and error, without a recovery program, as a sort of self test. It usually takes some fairly "in your face" inarguable experiences before we are ready to say, "that's it, I'm DONE." At that point, having discovered that it's not as easy as saying "pass the apple juice" many people feel the need to make a serious, permanent commitment to staying sober.
So, is the "first time" the day that a person scratches their head and says "I may be drinking more than I should."
Or is it when they formally commit to a recognized recovery program?
No one is doomed to relapse
nor is the experience of relapse proof that someone is hopeless and doomed.
People walk their own journeys.
I do find it hard to believe that many people one day say "I think I have a drinking problem" and that same day decide to stop, and they never drink again.
It seems to me that for very many of us the seriousness of our problem only hits home when we try to stop...and can't. It's when we realize we can't just stop, that we realize that we NEED to stop.
Most of us go through that trial and error, without a recovery program, as a sort of self test. It usually takes some fairly "in your face" inarguable experiences before we are ready to say, "that's it, I'm DONE." At that point, having discovered that it's not as easy as saying "pass the apple juice" many people feel the need to make a serious, permanent commitment to staying sober.
So, is the "first time" the day that a person scratches their head and says "I may be drinking more than I should."
Or is it when they formally commit to a recognized recovery program?
No one is doomed to relapse
nor is the experience of relapse proof that someone is hopeless and doomed.
People walk their own journeys.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
It would be very wrong to institute any kind of value judgement or hierarchy of achievement for sure...I don't see anyone here doing that tho
Nevertheless like I said, I look back at my long drinking 'career' and I can see I had a different mindset on my last attempt than I did all the other times...and it stuck...it would be wrong of me,or any of us, not to share that hope, I think
I drank for 20 years - I drank all day every day for 5 - I stopped on April 6th 2007.
Anyone else reading this can do the same - everyone can
I believe it with with all my heart and soul
D
Nevertheless like I said, I look back at my long drinking 'career' and I can see I had a different mindset on my last attempt than I did all the other times...and it stuck...it would be wrong of me,or any of us, not to share that hope, I think
I drank for 20 years - I drank all day every day for 5 - I stopped on April 6th 2007.
Anyone else reading this can do the same - everyone can
I believe it with with all my heart and soul
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Denmark
Posts: 2
I tried go get sober many times, but I was not honest to myself. I did not really want to stop. But the first time I really tried with my heart and soul, the first time I tried and promised myself to change my way of living and thinking and do whatever it took to stay sober, I got sober. The first time I gave up fighting and strugling, I got sober.
I have been sober now since jan. 7 2002.
So yes, for me, the first honest attempt was enough.
I have been sober now since jan. 7 2002.
So yes, for me, the first honest attempt was enough.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 729
Originally Posted by binger33
I'm attempting sobriety for the first time in my life since beginning to drink. And as much as this website is helping me, it also has me worried that next to no one is able to quit the first time they try. A lot of people have said falling off the wagon is just part of the process. Do people really believe this? Because it really is a shot to my confidence in trying to break the habit. Can anyone on here attest to being able to quit and not looking back at their first attempt? I could really use the encouragement.
Best to you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 140
I found myself in a perpetual cycle of quitting. I'd mentally tell myself, "just this last night of drinking". I had a really addicted mentality going on. I lost count of how many times I had refrained from drinking for a couple of days.
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