Dr. Jekyll wants his life back...
 

Hello there,

I've been reading a lot on here for the last couple of weeks and found comfort and inspiration in many of your threads. Thank you for that. I've finally decided to post something myself because I'm at an impasse right now.

I'm not physically addicted (yet), but I've been lurking at the threshold of alcoholism for several years now. I'm aware that this is just an extension of my compulsive personality and anxiety issues, but it's the one thing I'm most afraid of at the moment. If I have two beers at any given time, I'm not able to stop anymore. My whole mindset suddenly changes. Yesterday I was in "Mr. Hyde mode" again. The whole day wasted and two weeks of sobriety shot to hell, all because I thought I needed to make "this one exception".

I'm just scared that the flood gates are open again. Hopefully this little text will help me finding the courage to return to page 1. I'm aware now that my problems won't suddenly stop when I cut out the drinking, but it also seems to refuel them whenever I turn to it for safety.

So here I am again: Day 1.

Hi,
Certainly alcoholism is a very Jekyll and Hyde experience, at least it has been for me.
You seem very aware of your situation, so that's a good start. You have also discovered that you can't just stop after one or drinks.
Do you have a plan for recovery? I found AA helps, along with AVRT. I wish you all the best in your attempt to return to Dr Jekyll.

If you have not tried it AVRT might help