I've finally admitted to someone I have a problem - so scared
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 908
I've finally admitted to someone I have a problem - so scared
I've been drinking for about 3 years now. I can sum my drinking up in one term - I drink to sleep (stupid idea in the first place)
For a long time I've been able to control my drinking, say 5 or 6 units of beer on a night, but recently I have tried to go back to work and everything has spiralled out of control. I feel its worth pointing out that I am still in the process of recovering from depression (im on zoloft), and as a result have high anxiety, but I KNOW that alot of the anxiety and shame I feel in my life is down to alcohol.
Im a 20 year old male, and over the past month or so things have gotten really bad for me. I've doubled my alcohol intake at least to deal with the stress and anxiety a new job brought to me. I was really good at my job and worked hard, but after about a month things really took their toll. I've spent the last 5 days in a pit of self loathing and shame, and i 've had to come home to my parents house, I just couldn't stand being in that flat anymore surrounded by beer cans.
So yes, 5 days ago i woke up so depressed that I'd had to quit my job and so hungover i felt my head my actually going to explode. I'm crying alot, something I never do. Luckily I have a supportive girlfriend and family that are there for me.
For the past few days i've been unable to eat, sleep or do anything remotely productive, all I want to do is drink. For the first time last week I found that I was so hungover i couldn't drink another beer the next night to help me get to sleep, and that's when i realised that something had to be done. I don't know why i'm so terrified of not sleeping, i don't sleep well with the alcohol in the first place.
I know that I need to go to the doctors but I really don't know how i'm going to find it within me to talk to him, a stranger, about something that makes me feel so worthless, useless and a pointless waste of time. It was bad enough calling my mum this morning, i'm pretty sure she already knew, but it's something i've wanted to get off my chest for a while now.
So there, i've said it. I have an alcohol problem, and it has to stop. I'm so scared about what's going to happen to me. I don't know if i should be just quitting cold turkey alltogether or maybe reducing to 1 beer a night. I'm so anxious in the first place, I just really don't know what to do, and would appreciate any help.
I need my life back, I can't live in this embarrassing prison anymore
For a long time I've been able to control my drinking, say 5 or 6 units of beer on a night, but recently I have tried to go back to work and everything has spiralled out of control. I feel its worth pointing out that I am still in the process of recovering from depression (im on zoloft), and as a result have high anxiety, but I KNOW that alot of the anxiety and shame I feel in my life is down to alcohol.
Im a 20 year old male, and over the past month or so things have gotten really bad for me. I've doubled my alcohol intake at least to deal with the stress and anxiety a new job brought to me. I was really good at my job and worked hard, but after about a month things really took their toll. I've spent the last 5 days in a pit of self loathing and shame, and i 've had to come home to my parents house, I just couldn't stand being in that flat anymore surrounded by beer cans.
So yes, 5 days ago i woke up so depressed that I'd had to quit my job and so hungover i felt my head my actually going to explode. I'm crying alot, something I never do. Luckily I have a supportive girlfriend and family that are there for me.
For the past few days i've been unable to eat, sleep or do anything remotely productive, all I want to do is drink. For the first time last week I found that I was so hungover i couldn't drink another beer the next night to help me get to sleep, and that's when i realised that something had to be done. I don't know why i'm so terrified of not sleeping, i don't sleep well with the alcohol in the first place.
I know that I need to go to the doctors but I really don't know how i'm going to find it within me to talk to him, a stranger, about something that makes me feel so worthless, useless and a pointless waste of time. It was bad enough calling my mum this morning, i'm pretty sure she already knew, but it's something i've wanted to get off my chest for a while now.
So there, i've said it. I have an alcohol problem, and it has to stop. I'm so scared about what's going to happen to me. I don't know if i should be just quitting cold turkey alltogether or maybe reducing to 1 beer a night. I'm so anxious in the first place, I just really don't know what to do, and would appreciate any help.
I need my life back, I can't live in this embarrassing prison anymore
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
grindilow, it really isnt as bad as we( i say we because it took me a long time to admit it to someone else) make it out to be. it took a lot of ocourage to sit down and type it, now its just a matter of having the same courage to make and appointment and talk.
when i got into recovery through AA, i felt i was useless, worthless, hopeless, and helpless. yup, life without alcohol was a lil scary. i started drinking at about 13 and drank for about 23 years, so the only life i knew without alcohol was when i was a kid, and my memories of life then were of me being a friggin wreck inside. but i knew what life was gonna be like if i kept drinking: very short and ivolved suicide.
so, what i did was got me a whole lotta courage. i didnt want to feel the way i did anymore and wanted help. i found that help in the program and fellowship of AA, a fellowship of ex drunks who had been in my shoes, who knew how i felt about myself and knew how i was thinking only because they had been there.
i had no clue how to live and function when i got into AA. it took work on me and learning how to live life on lifes terms, but its been worht it.
today, i have worth and use. i have hope and am able to help others without any desire for anything in return(now that wa snew. i always wanted something in return for helping someone, usually alcohol!).
getting that courage, walking into a meeting, and saying, " im tom im an alcoholic and i cant take it anymore" was the best move i ever made.
i highly suggest gettin some courage to talk to yer doc.
when i got into recovery through AA, i felt i was useless, worthless, hopeless, and helpless. yup, life without alcohol was a lil scary. i started drinking at about 13 and drank for about 23 years, so the only life i knew without alcohol was when i was a kid, and my memories of life then were of me being a friggin wreck inside. but i knew what life was gonna be like if i kept drinking: very short and ivolved suicide.
so, what i did was got me a whole lotta courage. i didnt want to feel the way i did anymore and wanted help. i found that help in the program and fellowship of AA, a fellowship of ex drunks who had been in my shoes, who knew how i felt about myself and knew how i was thinking only because they had been there.
i had no clue how to live and function when i got into AA. it took work on me and learning how to live life on lifes terms, but its been worht it.
today, i have worth and use. i have hope and am able to help others without any desire for anything in return(now that wa snew. i always wanted something in return for helping someone, usually alcohol!).
getting that courage, walking into a meeting, and saying, " im tom im an alcoholic and i cant take it anymore" was the best move i ever made.
i highly suggest gettin some courage to talk to yer doc.
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Grindilow, I know exactly how that first admission feels and how scary it is. I carried that secret around with me for, well, about 1/2 of my life and the first time I ever told someone how much I drank and that I was addicted I was petrified. Absolutely scared out of my mind. Frankly the words almost would not leave my lips...it took several tries before I could even say it.
But, and I don't know if this is true of you too--it was also a relief. Once the big, bad, awful secret was out on the table, it meant that I could be free. I had admitted the problem, I had named the problem, and that took some of the power away from the addiction.
I also made a commitment to permanent change. "I will quit drinking or die trying" was truly how I felt about it. That was freeing, too--I closed the door. And after that, lots of OTHER doors opened.....
But, and I don't know if this is true of you too--it was also a relief. Once the big, bad, awful secret was out on the table, it meant that I could be free. I had admitted the problem, I had named the problem, and that took some of the power away from the addiction.
I also made a commitment to permanent change. "I will quit drinking or die trying" was truly how I felt about it. That was freeing, too--I closed the door. And after that, lots of OTHER doors opened.....
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Join Date: Dec 2011
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Originally Posted by Grindilow 
I know that I need to go to the doctors but I really don't know how i'm going to find it within me to talk to him, a stranger, about something that makes me feel so worthless, useless and a pointless waste of time. It was bad enough calling my mum this morning, i'm pretty sure she already knew, but it's something i've wanted to get off my chest for a while now.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Surrey, UK
Posts: 522
Dear Grindilow,
I am sorry that you are having such a hard time.
You have done a brave thing by opening up, it shows how strong you really are.
I would also suggest you see a GP asap. You must be exhausted...when we are so tired everything looks a lot blacker. You can get through this. Use all the support systems you need.
Take care and let us know how you are doing.
I am sorry that you are having such a hard time.
You have done a brave thing by opening up, it shows how strong you really are.
I would also suggest you see a GP asap. You must be exhausted...when we are so tired everything looks a lot blacker. You can get through this. Use all the support systems you need.
Take care and let us know how you are doing.
Been there, done that!
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: London
Posts: 539
Hi Grindilow,
I know you probably don’t think so but i have felt just like you, i used to drink to overcome a medical problem hyperventilation syndrome but i never knew that that’s probably what caused it in the first place and once you start using alcohol to self-medicate it’s a very very slippery slope. Alcohol IS a depressant and also makes you anxious when withdrawing ( hung over) it also is the worst thing you can do before sleep because although you think you have passed out you are actually not sleeping restfully at all which would not help with your depression or anxiety, exercise is the best thing and some nice herbal teas!
I think you should see this as a blessing in disguise because you are 20 and realised something is not right some people don’t realise until it’s too late. I bet once you quick the drink you will sleep better feel less depressed and life will become manageable again!
God bless,
I know you probably don’t think so but i have felt just like you, i used to drink to overcome a medical problem hyperventilation syndrome but i never knew that that’s probably what caused it in the first place and once you start using alcohol to self-medicate it’s a very very slippery slope. Alcohol IS a depressant and also makes you anxious when withdrawing ( hung over) it also is the worst thing you can do before sleep because although you think you have passed out you are actually not sleeping restfully at all which would not help with your depression or anxiety, exercise is the best thing and some nice herbal teas!
I think you should see this as a blessing in disguise because you are 20 and realised something is not right some people don’t realise until it’s too late. I bet once you quick the drink you will sleep better feel less depressed and life will become manageable again!
God bless,
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
Welcome Grindilow! Sending you compassionate vibes. Sorry you are hurting. Good on you for your courage in reaching out.
My experience was that I was scared to death to tell my doctor what was going on and was worried I would just sob hysterically. SO, I wrote it all down with bullet points. I got into the room and handed her the paper. BEST THING I EVER DID.
My experience was that I was scared to death to tell my doctor what was going on and was worried I would just sob hysterically. SO, I wrote it all down with bullet points. I got into the room and handed her the paper. BEST THING I EVER DID.
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I'm sorry you are feeling so low, but I can surely remember being in that position myself. It can be so much better for you and I'm glad you've decided to talk to your dr.
I also began to drink to help chronic insomnia. I was depressed for many years and things in my life came to a point where I just couldn't sleep at all. And, of course, drinking helped for a few weeks, but before I knew it, I was hooked and convinced I couldn't sleep without alcohol.
I still have insomnia and still fret about it at times, but it's manageable. You can get through this and find peace in your life.
I also began to drink to help chronic insomnia. I was depressed for many years and things in my life came to a point where I just couldn't sleep at all. And, of course, drinking helped for a few weeks, but before I knew it, I was hooked and convinced I couldn't sleep without alcohol.
I still have insomnia and still fret about it at times, but it's manageable. You can get through this and find peace in your life.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
I found lasting sobriety and serenity in Alcoholics Anonymous.
Please Google and read AA's "The Doctors Opinion", "How It Works" and "The Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous". See if you can identify.
All the best.
Bob R
Please Google and read AA's "The Doctors Opinion", "How It Works" and "The Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous". See if you can identify.
All the best.
Bob R
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Notheast US
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Grindilow:
Good for you for addressing this early on. You are giving yourself a better shot at living a life without addiction; while it won't be easy, early rather than latter does play a role in success.
Having an understanding support system is also extremely important. Good for you to bring this out in the open.
Like others have said, you sound like a good candidate for a more structured approach to sobriety using professionals to help you. I keyed on your use of alcohol to help you sleep, plus a recent increase in consumption related to depression and anxiety. Alcohol actually aggravates problems with sleep, depression and anxiety and there are lifestyle changes you can make to deal with these that don't involve alcohol.
Congrats on taking the first step...stick around and explore this website. Posting is also helpful and you become an active participant in your own recovery.
Good for you for addressing this early on. You are giving yourself a better shot at living a life without addiction; while it won't be easy, early rather than latter does play a role in success.
Having an understanding support system is also extremely important. Good for you to bring this out in the open.
Like others have said, you sound like a good candidate for a more structured approach to sobriety using professionals to help you. I keyed on your use of alcohol to help you sleep, plus a recent increase in consumption related to depression and anxiety. Alcohol actually aggravates problems with sleep, depression and anxiety and there are lifestyle changes you can make to deal with these that don't involve alcohol.
Congrats on taking the first step...stick around and explore this website. Posting is also helpful and you become an active participant in your own recovery.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 908
I'd just like to say thanks for all your support so far. I've booked a docs appointment for tomorrow and i'm gonna ask for something to help me sleep at night without drinking at all.
Two months ago I was in the Gym every day, im a very keen cyclist, but I haven't worked out at all in over a month. I obviously tried to go back into a stressfull job too soon and found it difficult to cope with the anxiety.
Two months ago I was in the Gym every day, im a very keen cyclist, but I haven't worked out at all in over a month. I obviously tried to go back into a stressfull job too soon and found it difficult to cope with the anxiety.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Philly, Pa
Posts: 41
I'm glad that you're talking about it right now! One thing I found was that I drank to overcome a lot of anxiety - I felt like drinking made me the life-of-the-party and this extroverted guy - but after quitting I realized so much of my anxiety was about the drinking, and then withdrawing from it. I was amazed by how a lot of that anxiety went away when I had a more sober head. For me at least it was easy to forget that alcohol is actual a substance, a depressent, with chemical affects on the mind and body (but I guess forgetting that is part of our illusion of control). I'm hoping and praying the best for you, it will get better!
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Newcastle
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Well I just got back from the doctors, referred me to try cognitive behavioural therapy. Anyone had any experience with this? It's mainly for my anxiety disorder rather than the alcohol, but every little helps. Tonight is going to be the first night in over 2 years i've not had a drink. Wish me luck
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Originally Posted by Grindilow
Well I just got back from the doctors, referred me to try cognitive behavioural therapy. Anyone had any experience with this? It's mainly for my anxiety disorder rather than the alcohol, but every little helps. Tonight is going to be the first night in over 2 years i've not had a drink. Wish me luck
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Newcastle
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Originally Posted by onlythetruth
SMART Recovery is based on CBT therapy and might be a good mode of social support to try alongside professional therapy. Are you in the UK?
First night not going to bad so far, feel a little nervous but I know i'll get through it.
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Originally Posted by Grindilow
Well I just got back from the doctors, referred me to try cognitive behavioural therapy. Anyone had any experience with this? It's mainly for my anxiety disorder rather than the alcohol, but every little helps.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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Well I did it, i'm through the first night, and you know... I didn't even sleep that bad. Had much worse nights sleep with the drink anyway. Now I know I can do this.
He thought this was exactly the problem. I'm almost obsessive about sleep after suffering from insomnia, and i very rarely drink if I do not intend to sleep. He offered me meds to help me sleep but I wanted to try completely without. Couple of herbal teas before bed and I did it 
Originally Posted by Sapling
Good for you for going to the doctor...Did he mention if there may be a connection with your drinking and your anxiety?.....And I understand you don't like groups but did your doctor offer anything that might help with your alcohol problem?
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