binger33

I'm trying to quit drinking (doing very well on day 3) but I keep asking myself the same questions:
Is it wrong to enjoy drinking?
Is it wrong that I'm better at socializing when I'm drunk?
Is it wrong that I'm more confident and have traditionally have made more friends when I'm drunk?
Is it wrong that I don't have half the chance of hooking up with girls sober than when I'm drunk (as scummy as it sounds)?
Is it wrong to admit drinking to a certain level does feel great?

Obviously black outs are awful and that seems to be the only option for me. But I'm having problems with the philsophical question of: If it is so bad for me, why does it seem so fun? Is it wrong to admit that it is fun? Have I been delusional this entire time and it was actually awful (everytime I've been able to drink to an acceptable level)?

Sapling

Do you really want to hear how bad it can get?

binger33

Because I have learned that I cannot drink without blacking out. Which means that I almost certainly am an alcoholic. Blacking out has caused me probably the worst pain that I've ever experienced in my short life.

I know you're probably going to respond by repeating this post to me. I know I have to stop drinking and that I cannot drink like a normal person. But I'm asking if we are all just pretending that alcohol is not a good time? Maybe this is easier to say as a younger person who is not very developed in alcoholism and still occasionally has good, non-blackout drunks. I'm really just curious about the perspectives of others on the issue.

least

I enjoyed it until I didn't.

kittycat3

^^^^^^^^^

Yeah me too. The "fun" is an illusion.

PattyS

For me drinking did seem fun at first. It did loosen me up in social situations. Then it started making me do stupid things in social situations. Then I started avoiding social situations when I would drink, just stayed home and drank alone. Now I can't even drink alone.

Dee74

Is it wrong to enjoy drinking?

I don't think anyone would start drinking if they didn't enjoy it or the effect it produces, binger - but I drank way past the point of enjoyment...I was embarrassing.

And still I drank year after year - I came to hate the fact I was drinking...and still couldn't stop.

Is it wrong that I'm better at socializing when I'm drunk?

Are you tho? I've been told that when I thought I was being witty and gregarious I was actually boorish and obnoxious.

Passing out, being sick, or being a jerk to women is not conducive to socialising - but I was all three.

Is it wrong that I'm more confident and have traditionally have made more friends when I'm drunk?

Is it really confidence if you need alcohol to make it happen, tho?
Real friends or drinking buddies, binger?

Is it wrong that I don't have half the chance of hooking up with girls sober than when I'm drunk (as scummy as it sounds)?

Is hooking up really what you want? or do you want something more?

It's easy to be someone who dates a lot...anyone can do it....but noone wants a drinker like I was, not in their life for keeps.

I was one step away from being a lounge lizard...is that what you want to be, binger?

Is it wrong to admit drinking to a certain level does feel great?

It's not wrong - but it makes it a lot harder to quit when you focus on the wrong things...

what you're saying here is alcohol is awesome...but it causes me some problems.

Not one of us here focused on the problems until it was too late...
and by then alcohol was not longer awesome.

You're young and you're aware of a problem - you're way ahead of the game...don't let your head talk you out of it binger.

D

Sobersunshine

I had a lot of fun times involving alcohol. I did enjoy it. Most of those fun times were before I was a full blown alcoholic. Drinking had long stopped being any sort of fun for me. If it continued to be fun and wasn't causing any problems or completely taking over my life, I'd still be doing it. Personally, I don't think it's "wrong" to admit that drinking is fun, etc., but is it really that fun to black out? If someone is an alcoholic the fun definitely stops st one point. And I'd rather have a sober guy try to pick me up than a drunk one. Being sober is fun, too. WAY more fun. And you can actually remember the fun the next day!

binger33

Thanks everyone, your insight is incredibly helpful to me. Especially you, Dee. Thank you for responding to my questions in such detail and one by one. That reply really did a lot for me and it settled a lot of the insecurities I had about quitting drinking. It really is amazing what this website can do for people!

freshstart57

I think it is a whole bunch more likely that we are trying to pretend that it is a good time.

There is this sobriety technique that involves identifying thoughts that are specifically aimed at drinking some more some time, or at fostering self-doubt in our ability to get sober. If we can identify them then we can separate our rational minds from them. That Addictive Voice of yours is talking a mile a minute, and every question of yours is a stellar example.

Dee just explained why your questions are making the wrong assumptions. The above explains how it happens. Next question is what - what are you going to do? Are you going to make a plan about your use of alcohol in the future?

lookingtolive

I agree with freshstart, check out the AVRT crash course and soon you'll see that you don't even need to be bothered with the thought of alcohol. That asking those questions only teases your senses and will make you more aggravated and likely to keep drinking when realistically you can live without giving it a second thought... Even if you've been obliterated for the better part of 10 or 20 years.

Threshold

sometimes it's not the "positive" effect of the drug that's the problem, it's the side effects that kill us.

A glass of wine with dinner, a beer during the game may well be a nice thing, but that's not what we are talking about is it?

Just like a percoset is a good thing after we have a tooth pulled, but quite another thing when we have no legit reason to take them but we're stealing them from our friends and using our kids lunch money to buy them on the street.

I don't think there is anything wrong with admitting all those feelings you shared. In fact, I think that honesty is necessary in recovery, but so is the honesty that that's not the whole story.

There were some awesome things I liked about living with my parents when I was young, but there were lots of good reasons to grow up and live on my own. Yeah, there were some fun things about drinking, but it's better to be free and on my own, because the "house rules" of alcoholism really really suck.

2granddaughters

It appears that you are around Step 5 heading for Step 6.....how far down do you want to go ??

I stood at Step 9 and DO NOT recommend it to anyone


All the best.

Bob R

breath

Most drinking careers go something like this; the time the cycle takes vary by personality

FUN!

FUN with PROBLEMS

PROBLEMS

Dalek

No. Many people attempt to dismiss this aspect entirely, or to not talk about it, but I did not find this approach particularly effective. I couldn't really forget the feeling alcohol produced, and trying to do so kept me going back and forth between "Should I or shouldn't I drink? Yes, things will probably be bad if I do drink, but it might feel good, too."

Drinking has its benefits, however short-lived and "cheap" they may be, and also its downsides. I ultimately had to recognize both, and weigh the alternatives. The downsides eventually overshadowed the upsides, but to avoid endless inner debate, and what some term euphoric recall (remembering the good and not the bad), I now abstain from the upsides, not the downsides.

Many things in this world that are bad for us seem fun, binger33. I have no experience with this, but for example, something tells me that having lots of promiscuous, unprotected sexual intercourse might be "fun". This doesn't mean that it would be a good idea, however. Why should it be any different for recreational drug use?

Instead of deep introspection on this "philosophical question", you can alternatively treat this like any other vice and focus on the obvious instead. If you know that doing something is bad for you, wouldn't it be wise to stop doing it?

silly

If it's that fun you wouldn't have posted here.

saris

1. No, it is not wrong to enjoy drink, but, if you have to ask there is already a problem brewing. (no pun intended).

2. No you're not, that's an illusion. Next time, try to "socialize" with a room of sober people while you are drunk. You'll see what I mean.

3. Not wrong, no, but it is a problem. Alcohol isn't actually boosting your confidence, it's depressing your brain and central nervous system therefore you're less critical about yourself. Again, an illusion.

4. Again, an issue of confidence...

5. It's not the drinking that you feel great about, it's that you believe alcohol is the only way to be who you want to be - a confident lively person.

All your problems "solved" by Alcohol actually revolve around a lack of confidence and poor self-esteem. Alcohol will ... temporarily mask them but... in time they will be magnified.

What you need is less beer and maybe someone like a therapist to talk to about your confidence and esteem issues.

If you could do all of the above without alcohol, would you be so concerned with it? Naw.

saris

Well said.

mm222

This is a great thread. I think we can all identify with where you're coming from. Some great advice here. I hope you decide to give it up while you're still young and healthy and haven't had too many consequences from drinking. Trust your gut-if you're on a website like this somewhere deep down you know this isn't working for you. Quit while you're ahead.

livingsober

Up until about a year before I quit drinking (the last year or so was pretty much all hell), there were plenty of fun moments that went along with it... The long conversations with colleagues over drinks after work, being the cool beer-swilling shot-taking guy at the bar watching games all day Saturday or sunday, or playing pool. Honestly I still miss those moments at times, and when I do I don't freeze that feeling out... I take it in but also make sure I always check it against everything else that went with drinking - all of the bad- and then when I add it up I can say that I miss those moments but do not miss drinking as a whole one bit. And I can't have those moments without taking on drinking as a whole.

Then there are the unexpected good things that come from being sober- aside from the obvious of leaving behind the hellacious aspects of drinking. I was in such a fog that I didn't even realize that I was missing sights, sounds, and smells that I was completely unaware of for over a decade. I enjoy walking around and taking all of these things in, in ways that I never could have imagined. I knew my thinking was muddled, but didn't expect how much I would appreciate being able to think clearly. These moments... I don't know if I would call them "fun" but they are real. And though it's not a continuous stream of these moments... that would be some sort of nirvana and thats not a realistic expectation for life here... there is a richness and depth and lasting power to them that goes so far beyond the false high of those drinking moments that it's hard to describe. For you, my friend, I look forward to the day when they will be yours as well.