Hopeful3434

To start with I don't mean to sound melodramatic but, that is the most accurate way to describe my situation at the moment. just yesterday I experienced yet another relapse after being sober for 3 months prior to this incident. I've been an alcoholic since the age of 16 but, for the 1st four years was able to mask it extremely well, and mantain somewhat of a normal healthy image...i've gotten to the point where I don't know how to cope with everyday life anymore, and this reality has become to distorted to comprehend. I'm afraid to go to bed one day, and die alone in this room...my 1st thought was immediately to go the hospital or rehab but, I have no money or insurance to get that kind of help, so my only option at the moment is to tough it out, and try to find a change of scenry...I have too many enablers, and toxic people in my life at the moment (including family) that I just don't know how to get away or escape from it all. the people in my life are usually the main reason for my relapse, and unfortunately i've known that from day one...I need some insight, and want to know if any of you have gone or are going through the same thing, and if so how did you deal or are dealing with ur situation? If i'm here it's because i'm desperate to find a solution, and begin a new process of recovery.

finaltime

NA and AA are free, are you okay to go to a meeting? So much support there. There is support, please look. Call someone. Please. WE are here for you as well. We know how you feel and how alone you feel. When I was getting clean I used to just pray that I could leave and run away from everything for a few months to get myself together. I did that, took a job in CHINA! WOW. All to find the pills a few weeks after being here, then got worse, then moved back to the states, blew my entire retirement, had a kid, moved back to china....and now I am 7 months clean. You will quit when you are ready, you hang in there and please keep posting.

CarolD

I too had false starts on my way to solid recovery...please
do begin again....you are so worth the effort...

Welcome to our recovery community...

MrsKing

Welcome to SR. You'll find that people here are very supportive and more than willing to share their experiences and advice.

Whatever drives you to drink (whether that be the people in your life, emotions, or anything else) - it doesn't matter. What matters is that you want to be sober and that you're willing to do all you can to get there. In the past when I was sober for periods of time, I'd let things become reasons for drinking. I think it's important to desperately want sobriety and not let anything (absolutely anything) weaken your resolve.

You CAN be sober and you can make that decision today. All you need to be sober, you have right now - yourself, and your determination.

Wishing you all the best.

ReadyAndAble

Hi, Hopeful. I'm so sorry that you're having a tough time right now. But congrats on the three months—and on picking yourself up and giving it another go. You never have to go through this again.

Really glad you found us!

RobbyRobot

Hi Hopeful,

I'm sorry so many challenges all at once. A tough situation. For sure, you're talking about hell. You do sound though like you have some real determination to get this sober thing done, and have that life you've wanted for awhie now. I'm sure you'll find plenty of support and understanding for what you want. Good on you for not giving up, and rolling over. I too didn't want to die as a drunken drunk.

Welcome to SR!