Addicted to being addicted
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 46
Addicted to being addicted
First off I'd like to say hello to everyone here. 1st post.
So here's the situation. I pretty much would consider myself an alcoholic. I drink probably 6 out of the 7 days of the week, 3 or 4 of those days is to get drunk and 1 or 2 of those days it's only a couple of beers. I also smoke cigarettes, about a pack every 2 days or so and i smoke enough weed and have experimented with random drugs, mostly pills.
I just turned 26 and I'd say all this has gone on since I have been 17 years old. I am well at the point where I already feel guilty about the things I am doing to myself. I have tried to quit these things on many occasions going max 2 days before i cave in and have a cigarette then all the other stuff.
I sit at my job all day long and I don't exercise nearly enough so I know my physical health sucks- I can feel it.
The way my brain seems to work is like this. Since I drank enough liquor last night I will most likely get a few beers tonight to ease me over from last night and every week I have been saying that I will quit over the weekend. When the weekend comes I get smashed and I fail. I feel like my work is not making it easy for me to quit cigarettes because whenever i have a break I smoke, i'll smoke at any oppurtunity.
I feel like I need a vacation to have many days to quit but I had a vacation during the summer for 9 days and I was drunk for most of it. I can't seem to quit but I want to. I'm starting to hate myself for how I am. I'm my own worst enemy these days.
I can't stop putting poison in me.
So here's the situation. I pretty much would consider myself an alcoholic. I drink probably 6 out of the 7 days of the week, 3 or 4 of those days is to get drunk and 1 or 2 of those days it's only a couple of beers. I also smoke cigarettes, about a pack every 2 days or so and i smoke enough weed and have experimented with random drugs, mostly pills.
I just turned 26 and I'd say all this has gone on since I have been 17 years old. I am well at the point where I already feel guilty about the things I am doing to myself. I have tried to quit these things on many occasions going max 2 days before i cave in and have a cigarette then all the other stuff.
I sit at my job all day long and I don't exercise nearly enough so I know my physical health sucks- I can feel it.
The way my brain seems to work is like this. Since I drank enough liquor last night I will most likely get a few beers tonight to ease me over from last night and every week I have been saying that I will quit over the weekend. When the weekend comes I get smashed and I fail. I feel like my work is not making it easy for me to quit cigarettes because whenever i have a break I smoke, i'll smoke at any oppurtunity.
I feel like I need a vacation to have many days to quit but I had a vacation during the summer for 9 days and I was drunk for most of it. I can't seem to quit but I want to. I'm starting to hate myself for how I am. I'm my own worst enemy these days.
I can't stop putting poison in me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 652
You don't seem to be leading a healthy life...
You drink, smoke and don't move much.
l suggest you stop drinking, stop smoking, eat sensible and start some exercise.
See how you feel and what you look like in 30 days..
Don't think you can do that ?
Have a chat with your GP.
You drink, smoke and don't move much.
l suggest you stop drinking, stop smoking, eat sensible and start some exercise.
See how you feel and what you look like in 30 days..
Don't think you can do that ?
Have a chat with your GP.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto ON
Posts: 1,180
You aren't unique. You aren't broken. You are normal...or at least as normal as me!
I drank much like you. The cycle you are in is a tiresome track to be in. I carried around a lot of guilt and anxiety with me, each and every day. One day, it all became too much for me to bear...I had a breakdown of sorts...very emotional. I stopped drinking that day in June last year.
So, it can be done. Are you ready though...that's the tricky bit.
I drank much like you. The cycle you are in is a tiresome track to be in. I carried around a lot of guilt and anxiety with me, each and every day. One day, it all became too much for me to bear...I had a breakdown of sorts...very emotional. I stopped drinking that day in June last year.
So, it can be done. Are you ready though...that's the tricky bit.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to our recovery community...
I think you are being wise to begin thinking of ways
to improve your life....that is a huge first step in moving ahead.
I think you are being wise to begin thinking of ways
to improve your life....that is a huge first step in moving ahead.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by nonalcho 
No I haven't. Maybe it's worth a try. Always thought I can do this on my own.
there was a very long time that i thought i could stop drinking on my own, i just wasnt ever ready to do it. welp, turned out every time i tried to do it witht hte knowledge i had, it didnt last long and i was drunker.
then there was a point where i crossed the line and i had absolutely no choice over whether i drank or not. that was when i crossed the line into full blown alcoholism.i just could not stop drinkng, no matter what happened in life, i drank.
it was desperation that led me to AA. get help stopping drinking or take another drink and kill myself. it has been a blessing. i no longer am existing. i am living life.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
Welcome to SR.
Six months ago I was exactly the same as you. I was smoking at least 20 cigarettes a day, drinking excessively, depressed, ate unhealthily and never exercised. Fast forward to now and I am a non-smoker, a non-drinker, a healthy eater and an exercise lover. I'm 24, so a little younger than you. Being sober has completely turned my life around and I am the happiest I've ever been. You can get there, too. You have to want it... and want it very, very much. That want for sobriety over being drunk is the single most important thing, I think. Also the belief in yourself - you have to believe that you will not falter. There's a lot of determination involved, too. But it's very, very possible and you don't have to live this way any longer.
Please stick around and post as much as you like - this place is a fantastic source of support and it really does help to talk to others in similar situations.
Oh, and in case you're wondering, I did it alone, and it can be done. Some people find it impossible without AA, but you can do it by yourself - everything you need to be sober can come from within you. There are other methods, too. I use AVRT - look it up if you fancy (there's a crash course online and it takes hardly any time at all) and there's also SMART... and many more that I can't think of right now!
Best wishes to you.
Six months ago I was exactly the same as you. I was smoking at least 20 cigarettes a day, drinking excessively, depressed, ate unhealthily and never exercised. Fast forward to now and I am a non-smoker, a non-drinker, a healthy eater and an exercise lover. I'm 24, so a little younger than you. Being sober has completely turned my life around and I am the happiest I've ever been. You can get there, too. You have to want it... and want it very, very much. That want for sobriety over being drunk is the single most important thing, I think. Also the belief in yourself - you have to believe that you will not falter. There's a lot of determination involved, too. But it's very, very possible and you don't have to live this way any longer.
Please stick around and post as much as you like - this place is a fantastic source of support and it really does help to talk to others in similar situations.
Oh, and in case you're wondering, I did it alone, and it can be done. Some people find it impossible without AA, but you can do it by yourself - everything you need to be sober can come from within you. There are other methods, too. I use AVRT - look it up if you fancy (there's a crash course online and it takes hardly any time at all) and there's also SMART... and many more that I can't think of right now!
Best wishes to you.
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
No I haven't. Maybe it's worth a try. Always thought I can do this on my own.
Welcome aboard
And nope sure cant hurt, its free and you never know
As for doing it on your own, I most of think that also. But its simply just not the case. If it were there wouldnt be 100's of thousands of us AAers..
Come on and give a try..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 46
Thank you all for the replies. I unfortunately haven't been getting sober lately. The alcohol, cigs and weed all seem to go together nicely and that's what I have been doing. Had 6 beers last night, a lot of cigarettes and some weed. What a typical night. It doesn't help that I have been hanging out with my alchoholic brother lately but I love him and i have actually been drinking more than him lately.
We hung out last night and he has no job or money so I bought the beer of course but I told him that I can't do this anymore, I can't afford to buy him beers, at least to put in half and he also owes me some money which I probably won't get back.
I just got out of a relationship with a girl (well almost 2 months ago), it wasn't going to work anyways and i took it hard, drinking a lot etc. Now when I look at it I really feel that i'm over her but I just delved deeper into my drinking problem. But i think this problem started well before any girl that I got involved with and I don't believe that a girl is the cause of my problems.
I am the cause of my problems and I know exactly what I am doing to myself.
I think since I discovered alcohol, or any drug in general for that matter, I have always wanted to get ****** up. Sorry for my language. I can't usually just have a couple of beers, it's not good enough.
I do this to myself and I know exactly what i'm doing the difference is 5 years ago I didn't feel guilty about it, now I do.
But I'm off to go meet a friend that smokes like 10 joints a day if he can help it and he's got some Jack Daniels too, but I enjoy his company....
Sigh....
We hung out last night and he has no job or money so I bought the beer of course but I told him that I can't do this anymore, I can't afford to buy him beers, at least to put in half and he also owes me some money which I probably won't get back.
I just got out of a relationship with a girl (well almost 2 months ago), it wasn't going to work anyways and i took it hard, drinking a lot etc. Now when I look at it I really feel that i'm over her but I just delved deeper into my drinking problem. But i think this problem started well before any girl that I got involved with and I don't believe that a girl is the cause of my problems.
I am the cause of my problems and I know exactly what I am doing to myself.
I think since I discovered alcohol, or any drug in general for that matter, I have always wanted to get ****** up. Sorry for my language. I can't usually just have a couple of beers, it's not good enough.
I do this to myself and I know exactly what i'm doing the difference is 5 years ago I didn't feel guilty about it, now I do.
But I'm off to go meet a friend that smokes like 10 joints a day if he can help it and he's got some Jack Daniels too, but I enjoy his company....
Sigh....
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