Mind-set
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 124
Mind-set
I've been thinking a lot about why I haven't managed to stay sober in the past. What was it that drove me over the edge to go for that drink, even when I knew in my heart that I never wanted to touch it again? For me, it's been a constant battle with how I react to the stressful or hurtful moments in my life. A bad day at work, an argument with a family member, no money to pay the bills on time, etc. Well, that means life is hard, so to not have to feel the pain of how hard each moment (or week, or month, or year) is, just drink! It'll take the edge off. Maybe things will become slightly, more increasingly humorous. Perhaps you'll feel more affectionate; This comparing to your hard, calloused exterior that normally is yours. For the day, or evening, you don't have to face the reality that reads: I cannot handle my emotions, I cannot manage my finances, I cannot peacefully resolve conflict in relationship, I cannot move forward.
It hurts too much to move forward. Forward means taking a step that might feel completely uncomfortable, embarrassing, irritating, hurtful, etc. It might mean waking up earlier, going to bed earlier, eating healthier, studying harder, or something else that relates to you. "Normal" life seems so unreachable, because we're pitying ourselves and our "condition." We're setting ourselves apart as ill and damaged, and while that may be true, to a certain extent, we're not dead. We're not flat on our backs with nothing left.
Some of us make excuses. Just one drink. Just 2 drinks. Just one drunk party night, and then I'll go back to being sober again. Our minds deceive us to believe that this is okay. After all, there are plenty of people who can have just one glass and don't feel the need to go pour another. So, I'll continue to experiment on myself until I can get to that point. Because then I'll be normal. Even though what we're really doing is using/abusing alcohol, for the same reasons as before, only now trying to change how that is perceived from the outside. It doesn't change the inside one bit! Know this, my friend.
I'd talk about the grace of God, but maybe another time. Oh, how important this is! True surrender. Something we cannot do on our own.
Have a blessed day. Think about your motives. Think about "why?" Think about where all of this is coming from. You might be surprised what you discover about yourself.
~ Abby
It hurts too much to move forward. Forward means taking a step that might feel completely uncomfortable, embarrassing, irritating, hurtful, etc. It might mean waking up earlier, going to bed earlier, eating healthier, studying harder, or something else that relates to you. "Normal" life seems so unreachable, because we're pitying ourselves and our "condition." We're setting ourselves apart as ill and damaged, and while that may be true, to a certain extent, we're not dead. We're not flat on our backs with nothing left.
Some of us make excuses. Just one drink. Just 2 drinks. Just one drunk party night, and then I'll go back to being sober again. Our minds deceive us to believe that this is okay. After all, there are plenty of people who can have just one glass and don't feel the need to go pour another. So, I'll continue to experiment on myself until I can get to that point. Because then I'll be normal. Even though what we're really doing is using/abusing alcohol, for the same reasons as before, only now trying to change how that is perceived from the outside. It doesn't change the inside one bit! Know this, my friend.
I'd talk about the grace of God, but maybe another time. Oh, how important this is! True surrender. Something we cannot do on our own.
Have a blessed day. Think about your motives. Think about "why?" Think about where all of this is coming from. You might be surprised what you discover about yourself.
~ Abby
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
through many, many experiments, i found that i cant have a glass of beer or a mixed drink and walk away. i cant drink like the so called normal drinkers. it is because i am an alcoholic. once alcohol touches my lips, the phenomenom of craving kicks in and i cant stop drinking.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
A well-written and thought-provoking post, TheResorative, and a pleasure to read. Thank you.
There is a model of addiction that I have found useful. It describes the ambivalence at the heart of all addiction - we continue to drink against our better judgement, we reach for the bottle even when we know that it will make our problems worse, not better. There is this conflict between two minds, between our rational self and our addictive pleasure seeking self.
Consider the possibility that we can strengthen conversation from the rational mind, and weaken the voice of the addictive mind. What if any thought that says we cannot cope with our emotions, with conflicts in our relationships, with financial difficulty, without alcohol, is the voice of our addiction? What if these thoughts appear in order to convince us to act against our better judgement and drink?
Those excuses you referred to? 'Just one or two, I'll stop tomorrow, just one more drunk party and I'll quit, I really need to pound a couple right now because I'm so sad/angry/lonely/bored/tired/hungry', these lies are what our addiction will tell us to get us to drink. There's more stuff where that came from though - 'I can't quit drinking, I can't quit now, I can't quit by myself, I have so many problems'. This self doubt around alcohol is alcoholic vice too.
These ideas helped me to quit drinking and they have helped others too. Another way of looking at this.
There is a model of addiction that I have found useful. It describes the ambivalence at the heart of all addiction - we continue to drink against our better judgement, we reach for the bottle even when we know that it will make our problems worse, not better. There is this conflict between two minds, between our rational self and our addictive pleasure seeking self.
Consider the possibility that we can strengthen conversation from the rational mind, and weaken the voice of the addictive mind. What if any thought that says we cannot cope with our emotions, with conflicts in our relationships, with financial difficulty, without alcohol, is the voice of our addiction? What if these thoughts appear in order to convince us to act against our better judgement and drink?
Those excuses you referred to? 'Just one or two, I'll stop tomorrow, just one more drunk party and I'll quit, I really need to pound a couple right now because I'm so sad/angry/lonely/bored/tired/hungry', these lies are what our addiction will tell us to get us to drink. There's more stuff where that came from though - 'I can't quit drinking, I can't quit now, I can't quit by myself, I have so many problems'. This self doubt around alcohol is alcoholic vice too.
These ideas helped me to quit drinking and they have helped others too. Another way of looking at this.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
Thank you for such an insightful post. Drinking became an escape for me as well. I use the past tense, even though I know with my 24 days of sobriety, I'm hardly out of the woods yet. A few glasses of wine or a few beers lightened the stress, the hurt, the disappointments, and the regrets of life. For the moment. But, the next day, I would awake to all those painful realities on top of guilt, shame, a hangover, and a ridiculously busy day to get throught. I think the honest realization of what my drinking really "did" for me, is what is keeping me sober.
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