LifetimeNJ

I'm new to this forum, so first of all, what's up?

I really don't know how I got to this point, the past year seems like a blur. I used to hate drinking, I'm 25 years old and until now I could never see myself turning out like this. I'm happily married to an awesome girl, she worries about my drinking everyday, but even that doesn't stop me. I drink at least a 750ml bottle of vodka a day, I start at about 10am. I suffer from anxiety, especially about my health, and all this drinking is starting to make me worry about what I'm doing to my body, and even that doesn't help me stop. I don't know where to go from here, and I'm just hoping that posting on this forum will help a little bit. I'm scared to go to detox or rehab and I feel like I can stop on my own, but deep down I know that that will never work.

I don't know what the point of this post was, other than to get my story out to people that might understand, so I am thankful to anyone that reads this or gives me some sort of advice.

Dee74

Welcome lifetime
I moved your post here to our alcoholism forum

Many of us are scared to reach out, but here's a start.
Seeing your Dr is a really good step forward tho - I hope you'll do that.

There's many methods of recovery around - are you interested in something like AA or not?

D

LifetimeNJ

Thanks

I did see my doctor when I was planning on stopping a few months ago. She prescribed me some anti-anxiety medication, but I just kept on drinking along with the medicine. I took the meds while drinking, and on the follow up with her, I lied and said I hadn't been drinking and that I wanted to be weened off the medicine, so I got another bottle of anxiety medicine. I haven't been taking the medicine so much anymore since I got the refill though. Maybe a pill or two a week, last month I was taking at least one pill everyday along with the vodka.

LifetimeNJ

And to answer your question about AA, I'm reluctant because I feel like it focuses a lot on god and religion, which I am not a believer in at all.

Image101

Hi Lifetime, and welcome to SR! The fact that you're here is a great step in the right direction.
While alcoholism isn't determined by the amount or frequency of alcohol ingested, a fifth of hard liquor (750ml as you described) per day is very significant and you are likely physically dependent to at least some degree. This means detox comes first!!!
Please see your Doctor and be COMPLETELY HONEST with how much you have been drinking, as well as the ingestion of your anti anxiety medication even if it's only a pill or two a week.

Sudz No More

Hi Lifetime, glad you are posting here. Congratulations on the start of your journey into sobriety. When you do finally decide to call it quits for good the one thing I would like to point out is focus on the future. I have read so many come in here really strong willed in their first several weeks only to lose the momentum and go back to drinking.

I was coincidentally the same way. Headstrong and sure I would beat it, I just figured to get through the first few months and it would all go away. What I would caution to you now is what lies beyond those first few days. When you feel on top of the world and think you have it licked it is time to reflect and remember why you started trying in the first place.

We are here when ever you need to talk. Congrats again on your clarity to post here, it is a great start.

LifetimeNJ

Thanks so much for the greetings and kind words, it is much appreciated. I don't know how I'm going to stop, but I know I need to. It feels good to talk to people that have been in the same place, so I am very appreciative of you all for reading my story.

zjw

anxiety comes with the territory when your drinking to that level. you put it down that eases up. You keep going it'll get worse and probably lead to panic attacks among other things if that hasnt already started to happen. Its totally awesome how ever your entertaining the idea of quiting and realizing you have a problem. Those are some good first steps. I denied I had a problem even a year later after i had quit!. I'll admit it now but first year or so I was just quiting to quit i didnt have a problem is what i'd tell anyone who asked *sigh*.

I had bad anxiety and panic that drove me to quitting. Nothing but quiting solved that for me and believe me at the time the last thing i wanted to do was quit. But i couldnt take it any longer it was aweful.

UTGrad

I've been a hypochondriac since I was in my teens and have had anxiety attacks since my teens. I've been drinking heavily for a while now. Please quit before its too late.

Celtic12

I too have always had anxiety about health issues and have always been afraid of having every disease known to man and always thought I had it, but never realized the disease I did have, alcoholism, almost killed me last week and it took a few days in the ICU at the hospital to realize it. Don't learn the importance of sobriety for your health the hard way, I did.

UTGrad

Wow! ICU...if you don't mind me asking what happened?

Mizzuno

Welcome to SR!

LifetimeNJ

Yeah, that sounds just like me. I know that my alcoholism is killing me though, yet it's the only thing health wise that I didn't worry about until now. I'll convince myself I'm having a heart attack, or kidney failure, or even that I'm going blind, but I still can't seem to kick the real problem that's right in front of my face. It seems that drinking makes me forget about all these aches and pains that I may or may not be feeling, and lets me just calm down, but once I'm sober again, they always seem worse. I think detox is my only course of action at this point, it's just working myself into it that's the hard part.

I do hope everything is going better for you though

freshstart57

Why the heck would you believe that? It's like this: if you believe it won't work, there will be no help for you. On the other hand, if you believe that you are like many hundreds of others here at SR who have been exactly where you are (like me), believed that they could do this thing if they had to, and did it, you will be able to find what you need. You can quit, you really can. Keep posting, LifetimeNJ, there is a lot of support here for you.

zeroptzero

It is good that you know you need to stop - and not surprising at all that you don't know how. Many of us have been at that same point.
It is a critical crossroads in your life. You are young - you have so many years ahead of you - so much potential for a happy, fulfilling life. You absolutely have the ability to escape from the grip of alcohol.
Most of the literature (and all of the collected experience of other alcoholics that I have encountered) tells us that drinking gets progressively worse - never better. You are drinking vodka beginning at 10 am - where will it go from there?
Your wife is presently concerned about your drinking. Will the "concern" turn into frustration, resentment, anger . . disgust?
There is a real connection between alcohol abuse and anxiety. I am not saying that anxiety does not exist as a separate issue - it can and it does. However, you will likely be surprised when you become better educated about how your temporary solution (alcohol) is contributing to the problem in the long run.
Please take action. A place to start is listening to others who have been where you are. There are plenty of them here.
I can't tell you that "God" is not a word that you will hear in A.A. - but I can tell you that at this early stage in your recovery process you should not be closing your mind to anything that might help you. I fully appreciate that A.A. is not for everyone - but for me, I found a group of (live, in the flesh) people who had been where I was, had found a way out, and were willing to share their experience, strength and hope with me. It was nothing like I had expected.
I wish you the best.

UTGrad

BP 112/70

HR: 88 (just binged on some cheese dip lol)

Had some cravings today but fought through them

Going to my home group tomorrow night.

NewBeginning010

Welcome: to SR. I also struggle with anxiety, the good news is that it got a lot better after quitting... its still there but far better than before (and I have new/better ways of coping with it).

Stay close to SR & keep posting, it helps. Cheers ~ NB

Celtic12

I vomited after a 3 day binge and it caused 3 peripheral tears in my esophagus. I ended up nearly internaly bleeding to death until I got a blood transfusion. The worst part was all the digested blood coming out the other end..

Alcohol hurts your body in alot of ways you never even think about. Esophagus damage being a killer one.

UTGrad

Oops...wrong place

AA4life

Thanks for posting. You are so young! Do something now so you don't drink away the decades. It isn't that difficult to drink for 10 years. Then you turn around and see where you have been and can't get that time back.

There was a comedian back a long time ago. He drank his entire life. I've been told that he said this not too long before he died. His name was WC Fields.

"You know, I'd like to see how I would've made out without liquor."

I think about this often. I am in my mid thirties. I don't want to look back in my 60s or 70s and wonder what my life would have been like without alcohol.

One day at a time I can live a life of sobriety.