Sober Day 5
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 123
Sober Day 5
Hi All
I posted in the step section any many of you have seen me around here for some titme
Basically I had 14 months sober in AA and then went out again (quesioning whether I was a 'real' alcoholic .. and it has taken me to the gates of insanity and it would be eventually death
New fantastic sponsor who has been amazing and encouraged me to go right back to step one and do lots of writing around my drinking, the powerlesness and unmangeablility.. this helped me see so much but I still drunk after doing this
Then my last drunk I totally saw the insanity being played out right in front of me.. it's like I was a spectator
The next day got on my knees and handed my life over to God in tears and surrender.. Step 3
Didnt allow myself to 'think' to much about it I just got on with the rigorous action required and have now done a step 4 which I'll be going over with my sponsor tomorrow morning
Miraculously, since that Step 3.. the desire to drink has diminished stubstantially. There has been a lot of emotinal distress going on around me and in me as a result of these last 10 months of drinking and 'drunk' behaviour (even that performed while not drinking) and at times I've been in tears in the shower pleading to God to fill me with his love because I dont want to fill myself with booze, men, blah blah blah anymore
Yesterday met a friend and at the last minute they said they were at this bar so i went in and ordered a tomato juice and then they said do you want something else and I knew I had to get out of there.. and I did and proceeded to a turkish restaurant and ate HEAPS of food. Overeating is not ideal but it is better not to have drunk. I just didnt eat anything for the rest of the day/evening and this morning have woken up sober happy and relieved
The only other real doozey my head is telling me is that there are people, like me, who it has taken a lot of time to get sober.. 4 years.. 15 years .. it's only been taking you 10 months.. you could go out again blah blah blah
In reality, I've been trying to stop drinking for the last 7 years.. or 4 years seriously in some form. It's already taken enough of my life,, nearly ruined my marriage.. brushes with car crashes (this time around),, lots of $$$... shame.. anguish etc etc
So YES I could choose to keep drinking but how bad do I want it to get?
Also - I've made a decision to turn my will and life over to God and I know His will for me is NOT to drink.. he wants me to sober,, purposeful and free from the bondage of alcohol
Thanks guys - just wanted to let you know what's been going on
I posted in the step section any many of you have seen me around here for some titme
Basically I had 14 months sober in AA and then went out again (quesioning whether I was a 'real' alcoholic .. and it has taken me to the gates of insanity and it would be eventually death
New fantastic sponsor who has been amazing and encouraged me to go right back to step one and do lots of writing around my drinking, the powerlesness and unmangeablility.. this helped me see so much but I still drunk after doing this
Then my last drunk I totally saw the insanity being played out right in front of me.. it's like I was a spectator
The next day got on my knees and handed my life over to God in tears and surrender.. Step 3
Didnt allow myself to 'think' to much about it I just got on with the rigorous action required and have now done a step 4 which I'll be going over with my sponsor tomorrow morning
Miraculously, since that Step 3.. the desire to drink has diminished stubstantially. There has been a lot of emotinal distress going on around me and in me as a result of these last 10 months of drinking and 'drunk' behaviour (even that performed while not drinking) and at times I've been in tears in the shower pleading to God to fill me with his love because I dont want to fill myself with booze, men, blah blah blah anymore
Yesterday met a friend and at the last minute they said they were at this bar so i went in and ordered a tomato juice and then they said do you want something else and I knew I had to get out of there.. and I did and proceeded to a turkish restaurant and ate HEAPS of food. Overeating is not ideal but it is better not to have drunk. I just didnt eat anything for the rest of the day/evening and this morning have woken up sober happy and relieved
The only other real doozey my head is telling me is that there are people, like me, who it has taken a lot of time to get sober.. 4 years.. 15 years .. it's only been taking you 10 months.. you could go out again blah blah blah
In reality, I've been trying to stop drinking for the last 7 years.. or 4 years seriously in some form. It's already taken enough of my life,, nearly ruined my marriage.. brushes with car crashes (this time around),, lots of $$$... shame.. anguish etc etc
So YES I could choose to keep drinking but how bad do I want it to get?
Also - I've made a decision to turn my will and life over to God and I know His will for me is NOT to drink.. he wants me to sober,, purposeful and free from the bondage of alcohol
Thanks guys - just wanted to let you know what's been going on
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