I'm falling....
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Originally Posted by blackoutgirl 
I'm angry because I'm not one of those people that can have a drink and put it down. I'm angry because this is embedded in my DNA. I'm sure of it. I'm sad because I wonder if I'll ever have a normal life. I feel built up anger and frustration over the fact that I CAN"T HAVE CONTROL. I'm sad because I'm living a LIE.
I love what you wrote. It’s such a concise statement of a proper beginning. It’s knowing that we cannot process alcohol like most other people. This understanding comes with all the unpleasant emotions bound up in the truth and the truth is difficult because of all the self-deception we have practiced in the past in order to maintain our drinking. When reality crashes in it's indeed an unpleasant experience. Nevertheless it is a most proper start.
BOG the life you are leading NOW is not normal. A far better one awaits you if you’re willing to embrace it, but it requires "This above all: to thine own self be true”.
Stick with it. It will be better than you can now imagine.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Originally Posted by blackoutgirl
So here I am. I feel defeated. Lack control and wish to gain it back. The more I drink, the more I want. It's a taste that only gets worse with time. Like a person that can't stop eating, there is no limit, or end. It just keeps building.
At this moment, I feel angry. I'm angry because I'm not one of those people that can have a drink and put it down. I'm angry because this is embedded in my DNA. I'm sure of it. I'm sad because I wonder if I'll ever have a normal life. I feel built up anger and frustration over the fact that I CAN"T HAVE CONTROL. I'm sad because I'm living a LIE. I feel defeated that I tried but didn't follow through. And most of all, I feel tired. I'm tired of fighting a battle that won't go away.
.
You really know how it fits together. That is a great step. The next is to accept this will never change.
I struggled for years. Lived with the torment. Once I surrendered and just accepted what comes, I felt liberated. Sobriety has freed me. Giving up drinking to get that was in the end a small price to pay. At the time however it did seem monumentous and unacjievable.
My thoughts are with you
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Stop fighting. It is exhausting, you're right. Life got so much easier for me once I quit trying to control it, quit wishing I was someone else. You're not giving anything good up—you're giving up regret and disappointment and pain. And what you're getting in return—oh wow, I couldn't believe the rewards that awaited me. Freedom. Self-respect. A new appreciation for the simplest pleasures.
It feels horrible right now, it feels like a huge sacrifice—but it's not. That's just the illusion addiction creates. Once you're clear of it, you'll see. And you'll be so grateful that things finally got so bad that you were willing to make a change. Stick around, OK?
It feels horrible right now, it feels like a huge sacrifice—but it's not. That's just the illusion addiction creates. Once you're clear of it, you'll see. And you'll be so grateful that things finally got so bad that you were willing to make a change. Stick around, OK?
Run to live... live to run
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Western Maryland
Posts: 1,091
You can BE NORMAL. Normal is not getting wasted every day.. just keep that in mind. We believe a lot of things are "normal" that aren't. I've been sober for almost 4 months. My life is nothing short of Normal. It's even better!! You are not missing out on anything. We just can't drink. We have to accept that and move on. You know you can't drink without wanting more ( I couldn't either) so it's up to YOU to decide how long you want to go around in circles.. come on. You got this..
(((hugs)))
(((hugs)))
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