Cravings From A Good Thing
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 279
Cravings From A Good Thing
Its only Tuesday but this week has been shaping up pretty well. I paid for my class and went today and I found out that my bosses will try and give me 2 days of the three days that I will be going to school off. My current class is corporate accounting 2 which I've been dying to take. I scraped together the money to pay for class when my student loans didn't quite pan out. The textbook is the same one as I used a year and a half ago thank God so that's money saved right there. I'm finally making progress. And when 9 p.m came the cravings were so strong I actually started getting restless and squirmy in class. I kept fading away from what the instructor was saying and looking at the clock and wondering if I could get some alcohol after school or was I going to have to leave class early.
I know what happens when I try to drink and do school at the same time. It doesn't work. Last semester I failed a class that I practically had in the bag. It sickens me to think about that but I want to try it again just one more time to see if it will work out. I went home, and had something to eat.
I just thought about starting all over from day 1. I'm at day 62 right now. Just to help myself urge surf, I had made a promise not to drink during the month of September. And I've told myself that I want to be able to look back this time next year and have made honest to God progress in my life. I'm seriously tired of looking back and just seeing all the things I've screwed up and opportunities missed. I want it to change but I want the alcohol at the same time.
A guy I onced talked to on the AA hotline said that when he was first getting sober he lived in New York and his apartment was across the street from a bar. He told me that he would have to hold the bottom of the seat to stop himself from getting up and going over there for a drink. He told me that sometimes all your lifelines like calling a sponsor or going to a meeting wont work and that on those days you just have to decided that you are going to do the right thing.
That's what I thought about. I am just going to have to trust that I'm making the right choice to stay sober now even though I'm feeling pretty resentful about it.
I know what happens when I try to drink and do school at the same time. It doesn't work. Last semester I failed a class that I practically had in the bag. It sickens me to think about that but I want to try it again just one more time to see if it will work out. I went home, and had something to eat.
I just thought about starting all over from day 1. I'm at day 62 right now. Just to help myself urge surf, I had made a promise not to drink during the month of September. And I've told myself that I want to be able to look back this time next year and have made honest to God progress in my life. I'm seriously tired of looking back and just seeing all the things I've screwed up and opportunities missed. I want it to change but I want the alcohol at the same time.
A guy I onced talked to on the AA hotline said that when he was first getting sober he lived in New York and his apartment was across the street from a bar. He told me that he would have to hold the bottom of the seat to stop himself from getting up and going over there for a drink. He told me that sometimes all your lifelines like calling a sponsor or going to a meeting wont work and that on those days you just have to decided that you are going to do the right thing.
That's what I thought about. I am just going to have to trust that I'm making the right choice to stay sober now even though I'm feeling pretty resentful about it.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
My higher power comes in at that time and I do pray not to drink. "No human power could have relieved my alcoholism" rings true for me. My relationship with my higher power is very important. When a meeting isn't available, that is what I have; my higher power.
Create a list of things to do when you have those times available.
laundry
clean bathroom
bubble bath
read
meditate
call someone and see how they are, then talk about how you are doing
make your own list
Actions help change our feelings. I often wanted to drink when I didn't acknowledge my feelings. Doing something helped me to put what I was feeling into words. A journal helps, too (write after you know what's going on with you).
I had more thoughts of drinking when I felt good than when I was feeling badly.
Stay strong and stay stopped and do well in class! You CAN do this!!!
Create a list of things to do when you have those times available.
laundry
clean bathroom
bubble bath
read
meditate
call someone and see how they are, then talk about how you are doing
make your own list
Actions help change our feelings. I often wanted to drink when I didn't acknowledge my feelings. Doing something helped me to put what I was feeling into words. A journal helps, too (write after you know what's going on with you).
I had more thoughts of drinking when I felt good than when I was feeling badly.
Stay strong and stay stopped and do well in class! You CAN do this!!!
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