violetflame

Hello all, I haven't posted on here for a while. I have been drinking wine at night again. I know I am kidding myself into thinking it's ok, I can handle it. I can't seem to get my butt to AA. I keep coming up with excuses. My relationship with my daughter who will be 17 this month has gotten terrible. She is argumentative and difficult and I am losing my patience with her. I don't even feel like going home sometimes so I drink before I get home in my car (I know it's awful) the small sutter home bottles. I am not sure if this is actually making me worse when I get home. I feel like I need to get my life back. I went alone to the beach yesterday to my mom's apartment (no one was there). My daughter did not want to come. I ws going to relax and meditate but there was some left over wine and I drank 2 glasses and relaxed. However, when I got home around 8ish I had 3 more. I also took a sleeping pill. Needless to say I was 3 hours late to work. I feel awful. I am afraid for myself and my health. Afraid I am losing my mind AND destroying my relationship with my daughter. All we do is fight. She tells me awful things like that I should have aborted her and that I make her want to die. I am so frustrated. I wish I could just stop and become clear. But sadly the wine is the only thing which I look forward to. Even though it makes things worse. Just for today I will not drink. I will try to repair the damage that has been done between my daughter and me. The non-alcoholic part me knows I have to fight to keep what I love before I lose it. Also, this morning I was thinking I didn't care if I lost my job. But that is not so. I refuse to become unemployed and dependent. That is the negative thinking which follows a night of drinking and I am tired of it! . I need to get my life straightened out.

tomsteve

it is good to see you bak. i sure hope you are at the point of desperation and get the courage to go to an AA meeting, get a sponsor, a big book, and start working the steps.
i am sure you can see that trying it on your own hasnt worked too good and yer life has become more unmanageable as time has gone on. it doesnt have to be that way. you can step off the elevator at any time and use the steps to get back up.
AA has taken this once hopleless,helpless, useless,worthless drunk and turned him into a hopeful, helpful, useful, and worthful recovering alcoholic with an awesome life. all i had to do was become willing to go to any lengths to get wha the BB says i could get, then get into action.

Klp9999

Violetflame welcome to mothering a teen daughter fun fun fun. Im 14 days clean. My daughter was a terrible teen. I had to get her counseling it really helped our relationship. I had to learn to parent a teen screaming back was how I parented.
My daughter is now 28 and we have a wonderful relationship. But Lordy the years 15- 18 about broke her and I. I was afraid of her, I expected to wake with her standing over me with a knife or her having committed sucide. Turns out she is bi-polar wouldn't have found that out with out taking her to counseling.
She has a full time job, her own apartment and we didn't have to co-sign for her new car. She also doesn't drink or do drugs! Amazing since she has drunks for parents. I recommend counseling for your daughter.

And typing all that I realize I owe my little girl a apology for my drinking.

MrsKing

Your daughter is going through a difficult phase - it won't last forever. I know that's not much help right now, but it's probably true. As for you... I'm sorry you're finding things so tough at the moment. I know that you're fully aware of this, but alcohol doesn't make any troubles we are going through any better, only worse. You can be sober if you want to be. You can get right back to where you were, and all you have to do to get there is stop drinking. Believe in yourself, voiletflame, I believe in you.

Hugs x

FredG

Welcome back - Sounds a lot like you're daughter is acting out against your drinking. Don't know this as I don't know your situation. I can tell you that it would probably improve if you started to get a clearer head.

You can have it all ... or lose it all - your choice.

pipparina

Giving up alcohol is much more difficult when trying to do it alone. Reach out for support. Just get to an AA meeting. Even if you stay for half of it, at least get there.

It sounds like you know you can't drink anymore. There is a whole new wonderful life waiting for you when you put it down. What is stopping you?

NewHouse2012

Hi hon, good to hear your posts again. Yes, I agree with pipp, just try to get to a meeting again. Try out different ones and just focus on what these incredibe folks have to say. I really wish you the best. Your relationships will get better as soon as you get better too. I know, I know, easier said than done, but I am trying to trudge my way through AA and not trying to analyze it too much. Once you start going you will be glad that you did. Just try to make a commitment to yourself that you will not drink no matter what, then get some support whether its SMART, AA, AVRT ect. hugs and blessings to you.

CarolD

Welcome back....


By the end of my drinking...I had become a depressed woman I detested.
The daily depression is why I quit and committed to AA recovery.

Not all of my problems were solved immeidately but it certainly
helped when I could confront them with a clear mind...

Please do have an honest talk with your doctor about how
best to de tox.
Your drinking has been going on for years...be both sober and safe.

Sapling

I think when you are ready to go...You'll go.

violetflame

Thanks Everyone for your support. I know what I have to do, I just have to do it !

Dee74

Some great advice here VF - good to see you back

D

TallGuyUK

I don't have any children so I can't comment on that. But I picked up on your comment about not caring if you lost your job. I felt exactly the same. I have a great job - one most people envy - but after drinking a bottle of wine every day and more I became detached and demotivated, then depressed and certainly didn't care about my job. Now almost 2 weeks dry my life has completely changed. I hope to keep up the non-drinking as so far it's a lot better than life before. Good luck!

jennikate

Welcome back, Violet! I have been wondering how you were doing after our discussions. PM me if you need any support. I'm on SR daily.
Think we talked about AA before. Other times I attended the meetings. Now I'm working the program. Big difference in my recovery.
Keep coming-Jen

Sapling

Amen Jenni...That's so nice to hear that!