Arpeggioh

This can't go on...I know you've heard this story a million times here, that's why I'm posting...

I Can't Do This Anymore!! I can feel my muscles atrophying, can feel my internal organs hardening, can see my life spiraling down the toilet...and see no end in sight.

A fifth of vodka + every night, for many months, at 51 years of age, is simply suicidal...and I'm not ready to die! I need some hope...

Fought AA for thirty years, just not for me, sober on and off...starting to think it might be the only thing that can save my life...and "you people" seem to be the only ones that understand the pain, and can save me because I'm incapable of saving myself at this point...

I'm finally desperate enough to reach out to Anyone who might be able to help....sorry for the drama! But I'm sore afraid!!!

BackToSquareOne

You're going to need detox, how are you planning to get through the initial withdrawal period?

CarolD

I can relate....because I too was stuck in daily drinking and
at 53 my brain and body were totally saturated.

I've found AA to be a great way to be sober for 23+ years
There are other concepts and methods to explore too..

I agree..you most likely will need professional/medical assistance
for a few days of withdrawal.

Please read this link....

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

Welcome back to our recovery community ..

FredG

So maybe it's time to quit fighting AA and give in. What can you lose? Except maybe your drinking. What can you gain? Except maybe your new life

Worked for me

Liverbreath

What you are going through is agonizing and what keeps people drinking. The thought of Detox is so painful some would rather die.

I havent posted in years as I have been drinking and just recently weened myself down to be able to quit without detoxing. I am a male and my breasts are enlarged and I have red palms that come and go. Both signs of serious liver issues.

I have quit for the 2456th time, taking milk thistle and sAME to get my liver back up and healing. There are alot of people who have quit only to find out that they have cirrhosis and its too late. I hope you can ween yourself down or get into a detox center as you can die from the shakes. Dt's.

I hope you can keep me posted, I will watch this thread and hope to hear from you.

Arpeggioh

I've detoxed many times over the years, always with very few symptoms...and have a prescription for Xanax that I use mostly for hangovers, but they also help with withdrawal...honestly, I'm looking for....I don't know....a kick in the ass? A reason to live? A promise of happiness from AA? Sorry, I'm just searching...

sugarbear1

I'm 51. I fought AA for 25 years. Today I have 15 months of continuous sobriety because those steps of AA saved my life.

xa-speakers.org Take a listen. Private message me if you want to.

I wish you a fabulous sober journey!

awuh1

BTSO is correct about detox. See a doc for a consultation. I suggest something long term to keep yourself from needing to do detox again. That’s going to be essential. There is the secular recovery section here at SR if AA is not to your liking.

I fought AA for a long time also. But I found I could not beat um, so I joined um.

CarolD

Liverbreath... Welcome back..

2granddaughters

Go back to AA and get yourself a good sponsor.

The "promise" I got from an oldtimer was if I kept coming to the meetings that I wouldn't have to drink and I wouldn't be miserable all the time.
That good enough for you ??

I was 45 when I came and haven't had a drink for almost 24 yrs... and I'm not miserable all the time.

I wish you the best..

Bob R

awuh1

45 parrellel.... It must j u s t be starting to get a little cooler there. OH ya. Go to an AA meeting and see if there are happy people there. If so I'd stick around.
If depression is a major issue for you, get a mental health consult if you can. All the best to you.

tomsteve

more than a promise of happiness.

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.



you may want to google "big book online" and read. the 1st 164 pgs are the program that gives us life. the rest is personal stories and i will guarantee you will find yourself described in the book.
its been an awesome life for me. 2 days before gettin into AA, the pain of getting drunk had finally exceeded the pain of reality and i was desperate. it was go to AA and do wht they say or take another drink and kill myself. i am still here 7+ years later and sober. it has been a blessing and so greatful i have a life today.

Mark75

See if those people at AA have what you want... If so, do what they did.

Welcome to SR... I am in my 50's, I got recovery at age 51... It's a great age to really start living again!!

Keep posting!

sugarbear1

silkworth.net the big book is on there and in audio version

xa-speakers.org for recorded speaker meetings.

Try a meeting!! Stick around here, too!

Arpeggioh

The hope and encouragement I read here just....I dunno, just gives me encouragement and hope. I truly want what you have (he said, weeping uncontrollably)....

tomsteve

check yer inbox. hadda question for ya i sent.

Arpeggioh

Please send again, never got it...

Liverbreath

Thanks! Reading these posts helps to keep me somber. Liver failure from drinking is one of the worst ways there is to die. This is keeping me motivated to stay off the booze.

My problem is that I go 5 or 6 months and then I get that little man that tells me I deserve to go on a bender for all the pain I have gone through for not drinking.

Alcohol becomes your best friend and helps you through life at first and then it turns on you over time and becomes your worst enemy and then tries to kill you.

lkc2010

Hi Arpeggioh. You'll need detox to safely get well. You can't detox on your own. Look into a detox center in your area. Many hospitals have them and insurance may cover it. It's not scary, and totally necessary. MANY people have been thru detox and MANY people go to AA. You can stop the madness.

Alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful. And it is super scary. It could kill you if you don't get help.

I hated AA at first but found that the people in it were no different than I was. I totally thought I was unique, I'm not! I'm a garden variety alcoholic. You'll find that so many people suffer from addiction, this was comforting to me. AA worked for me. I was totally done too. Now I have one year sober.

It sounds like your ready to get sober! You can't do it alone. Take care of yourself.

tomsteve

beings how yer at or near the 45th paralle, you have a choice of TC or go to alpena. either way, there are very good detox/ rehab programs at the hospitals in each city. i know a few sober folks who have been to one or the other, and thats just from the little-ish town i live in.