LoftyIdeals

Your story, Arpeggio, is just like mine. I sobered up with detox and rehab in 1983, and it stuck for 18 months. Was in college, and pot started my slippery slope back to drinking. I've had numerous 1-3 month sober periods since, many around Lent. 6 yrs ago, I started my own business, and the freedom meant freedom to drink when I wanted and as much as I wanted. It didn't take me long to be up to a 5th of vodka, or the equivalent in a mixture of any booze I had. I spent over 3 yrs at that pace, and abused xanax and ritalin in an attempt to keep me chemically "balanced". I was starting to lose my mind, when I stopped, and my body was riddled and saturated in booze. I quit in March 2011, made it a month, drank the summer and started again in August. I now have over a year, and the need for a drink has been removed from me. When I see others drink, all the negatives pour through my mind, the upset stomachs, the thick tongue, the lightheadedness when I'd stand up, all that stuff and more. It repulses me on my behalf, without prejudicing those who can drink normally and enjoy it. This is nothing short of a miracle.

I use AA weekly and SR daily as my recovery methods. Personally, if I didn't have SR at my fingertips to read and post at will, I wouldn't be sober. It's been a lifesaver. AA has been an outstanding source of instruction for staying sober, and a good source for face to face recovery.

It sounds like you are ready. You've received some great advice and support above. I hope you'll grab it, and use it for all its worth to get and stay sober. You have my prayers to that end.

The same applies for you, Liverbreath! Get sober and embrace your new life!

Sally1009

So sorry you are going through this pain. I dont know what a fith of vodka is in UK measurements : a pint? Obviously a lot though. Well done for having the courage to reach out. It sounds like you are ready to stop. It's just a question of how, as you need to do it safely. Can you talk to your doctor? If AA doesnt appeal, rehab may be a good idea.
Out of interest, what didnt you like about AA? I have some problems with it too, but I do find it invaluable talking to other alcoholics, and listening to their stories.
Dont give up - this is a great site.
All the best,
Sally

BackToSquareOne

25 ounces Sally. That would be about 26 UK Fluid Ounces.
A fifth is actually 4/5 of a US Quart. We call it a Fifth Though.

Zee

Hi Liver
What a nice name! It reminds me of the reason for my sobriety... liver disease... oh yes. This time last year I was knocked sideways with a plethora of symptoms... it happens pretty quickly. I was hospitalized for a month. If you are worried, see your doctor and have a liver function test. Once you take a trip to Liverland it is not easily forgotten. I come here to SR every day without fail to keep me grounded. I was drinking 750ml a day (a fifth) at the end of my drinking career. I'm 41. I haven't gone down the AA route and found SR when I was six months sober (I could only walk a few yards by 6 months so logisticly AA was impossible) I hope you can get detoxed, the freedom is just amazing as you already know. For continued sobriety is up to you. I can't recommend anywhere except SR. Thats one thing I will say... stay on SR! It has helped me in my weaker moments x

freshstart57

If you have tried AA for thirty years, and can't see how to do anything differently, I think you can expect the same result.
There are alternatives to AA that do not require you to claim that you are powerless, to turn your will over to a higher power or to make a fearless inventory of your moral failings. The 12 Steps are not enough for everyone to achieve sobriety, nor are they necessary for everyone either. People have become alcoholics and recovered in other ways for 4000 years since grapes were grown for wine.

You can learn about alternatives to 12 Step sobriety at SR's Secular Connections forum. Just like the other SR forums, you will find support and generosity of spirit.

But get to a Dr. first. Most important.

Taking5

Its actually called a fifth because it is one fifth of a gallon.

BackToSquareOne

Yes you're right, I could swear I remember the bottles having 4/5 US Quart stamped on them. Wait 4/5 of a quart would be 1/5 of a gallon wouldn't it. Anyhow they use the metric system in the UK, I didn't even think of that. They also drive on the wrong side of the road.

john44

I'm 50 and was in your shoes not too long ago. I wanted to quit drinking so badly. I kept relapsing and detoxing...over and over. I too fought AA. There are still things about AA I dislike but there are many things about AA that I love. I try now to focus on those things. At over two months sober I feel much better, not great, but better. I like how I don't have that horrible feeling of remorse now when I wake up. Heck, for that matter I like how I get a decent nights sleep now. If you need to talk, please pm me. I'd be more than happy to talk.

sugarbear1

UK is older than the USA, so I think WE are on the wrong side of the road....

then the chicken decided to cross the street, but WHY? Doesn't matter, he made it in one piece!

Arpeggioh

Oh, God...the waking up feeling...I remember when I used to not feel that overwhelming fear and anxiety...it's been a long time...