Half way through day four and...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Utah
Posts: 21
Half way through day four and...
I am finding it sooooo darn hard to fight these cravings for a head change. I just want to step outside of myself and "not be me" for the rest of the night. Does that make sense to any of you out there?
I stopped drinking last Saturday, Friday night at 9pm I finished my last bit of whiskey, so I have been sober Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and now Tuesday, but the cravings are getting to me. It is almost as if I hear voices, but the voices are my own. I tried to explain it once to my wife and my mother, but they didn't get it, or at least the expressions on their faces seemed to indicate such.
I just keep hearing my voice over-and-over again inside my head saying, "you need a drink. How about a drink? Go get a drink. Come on the liquor store is just down the street. Go get a drink. You know you want a drink. Sure would be nice to have a drink...", and that goes on and on all night long until I go to bed, and God help me if I can't fall asleep because that is all I will be thinking about.
The whole time I am sitting here on the couch staring at the TV, legs twitching from the DTs, every bone in my body feeling all arthritic, muscles week and lethargic, pains in places that I didn't even know could hurt, and the waves of nausea and hot flashes, forget about it.
So tired too. I think I am going to go take a nap. I need to quit drinking. I need to feel normal again, and I pray that I don't end up replacing the alcohol with something even more unhealthy.
You see my problem is not that I am an alcoholic, because I really can't stand alcohol. I hate the taste; in fact, I can barely stomach the taste at all. I have to chase each shot with a drink of diet pepsi in order to keep it down, at least until I get good and drunk and then it is no longer an issue. I only turn to alcohol for a head change because it is legal and easy to get a hold of. I am a 38 year old professional, functional alcoholic if you want to call me that, so I don't fit in with the drug scene like I did when I was in my 20's. Back then I rarely drank at all, but then again I was hitting the pipe smoking crack, meth, heroine...not shooting, smoking. Snorting just about anything I could put up my nose. Needless to say, a lot of pot. If I drank, it was a beer or two, nothing major.
Then I ended up hitting rock bottom with the drugs at age 23 and ended up in an inpatient rehab facility, haven't done an illegal drug since other than pot, and I haven't had pot in over 5 years, but only because even if I did know where to get it I can't stand the whole drug scene anymore. I tell you what though, I know for a fact that if pot were legal and available at the corner smoke shop, I would be high every day, which would be a very, very bad thing. I remember myself on pot and those commercials with the deflated teenagers...not to far from the truth when it comes to me and pot. I would just sit there and veg out.
Ok..time to take a little nap. It has been therapeutic to write this all down. One day at a time, right?
God bless...
I stopped drinking last Saturday, Friday night at 9pm I finished my last bit of whiskey, so I have been sober Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and now Tuesday, but the cravings are getting to me. It is almost as if I hear voices, but the voices are my own. I tried to explain it once to my wife and my mother, but they didn't get it, or at least the expressions on their faces seemed to indicate such.
I just keep hearing my voice over-and-over again inside my head saying, "you need a drink. How about a drink? Go get a drink. Come on the liquor store is just down the street. Go get a drink. You know you want a drink. Sure would be nice to have a drink...", and that goes on and on all night long until I go to bed, and God help me if I can't fall asleep because that is all I will be thinking about.
The whole time I am sitting here on the couch staring at the TV, legs twitching from the DTs, every bone in my body feeling all arthritic, muscles week and lethargic, pains in places that I didn't even know could hurt, and the waves of nausea and hot flashes, forget about it.
So tired too. I think I am going to go take a nap. I need to quit drinking. I need to feel normal again, and I pray that I don't end up replacing the alcohol with something even more unhealthy.
You see my problem is not that I am an alcoholic, because I really can't stand alcohol. I hate the taste; in fact, I can barely stomach the taste at all. I have to chase each shot with a drink of diet pepsi in order to keep it down, at least until I get good and drunk and then it is no longer an issue. I only turn to alcohol for a head change because it is legal and easy to get a hold of. I am a 38 year old professional, functional alcoholic if you want to call me that, so I don't fit in with the drug scene like I did when I was in my 20's. Back then I rarely drank at all, but then again I was hitting the pipe smoking crack, meth, heroine...not shooting, smoking. Snorting just about anything I could put up my nose. Needless to say, a lot of pot. If I drank, it was a beer or two, nothing major.
Then I ended up hitting rock bottom with the drugs at age 23 and ended up in an inpatient rehab facility, haven't done an illegal drug since other than pot, and I haven't had pot in over 5 years, but only because even if I did know where to get it I can't stand the whole drug scene anymore. I tell you what though, I know for a fact that if pot were legal and available at the corner smoke shop, I would be high every day, which would be a very, very bad thing. I remember myself on pot and those commercials with the deflated teenagers...not to far from the truth when it comes to me and pot. I would just sit there and veg out.
Ok..time to take a little nap. It has been therapeutic to write this all down. One day at a time, right?
God bless...
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Early sobreity is full of all sorts of crappy things...but when you
finish this de tox ....you never have to do another one...
Once was plenty for me...
All my best to the 3 of you as you move forward..
finish this de tox ....you never have to do another one...
Once was plenty for me...
All my best to the 3 of you as you move forward..
Last edited by CarolD; 09-04-2012 at 04:28 PM.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Sounds like you may be nearing the turning point in the withdrawls but please seek medical attention if you need to. If in fact you are starting to turn the corner, things will (somewhat slowly at first) get better. I strongly encourage a long term plan following detox. I have seen people detox over and over for lack of a long term plan. They feel better and then that little voice comes back and says (______please fill in the blank).
All the best to you. I know its very difficult now. I've been there... more times than I can count.
All the best to you. I know its very difficult now. I've been there... more times than I can count.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by KTurner0524 
I am finding it sooooo darn hard to fight these cravings for a head change. I just want to step outside of myself and "not be me" for the rest of the night. Does that make sense to any of you out there?
I stopped drinking last Saturday, Friday night at 9pm I finished my last bit of whiskey, so I have been sober Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and now Tuesday, but the cravings are getting to me. It is almost as if I hear voices, but the voices are my own. I tried to explain it once to my wife and my mother, but they didn't get it, or at least the expressions on their faces seemed to indicate such.
I just keep hearing my voice over-and-over again inside my head saying, "you need a drink. How about a drink? Go get a drink. Come on the liquor store is just down the street. Go get a drink. You know you want a drink. Sure would be nice to have a drink...", and that goes on and on all night long until I go to bed, and God help me if I can't fall asleep because that is all I will be thinking about.
The whole time I am sitting here on the couch staring at the TV, legs twitching from the DTs, every bone in my body feeling all arthritic, muscles week and lethargic, pains in places that I didn't even know could hurt, and the waves of nausea and hot flashes, forget about it.
So tired too. I think I am going to go take a nap. I need to quit drinking. I need to feel normal again, and I pray that I don't end up replacing the alcohol with something even more unhealthy.
You see my problem is not that I am an alcoholic, because I really can't stand alcohol. I hate the taste; in fact, I can barely stomach the taste at all. I have to chase each shot with a drink of diet pepsi in order to keep it down, at least until I get good and drunk and then it is no longer an issue. I only turn to alcohol for a head change because it is legal and easy to get a hold of. I am a 38 year old professional, functional alcoholic if you want to call me that, so I don't fit in with the drug scene like I did when I was in my 20's. Back then I rarely drank at all, but then again I was hitting the pipe smoking crack, meth, heroine...not shooting, smoking. Snorting just about anything I could put up my nose. Needless to say, a lot of pot. If I drank, it was a beer or two, nothing major.
Then I ended up hitting rock bottom with the drugs at age 23 and ended up in an inpatient rehab facility, haven't done an illegal drug since other than pot, and I haven't had pot in over 5 years, but only because even if I did know where to get it I can't stand the whole drug scene anymore. I tell you what though, I know for a fact that if pot were legal and available at the corner smoke shop, I would be high every day, which would be a very, very bad thing. I remember myself on pot and those commercials with the deflated teenagers...not to far from the truth when it comes to me and pot. I would just sit there and veg out.
Ok..time to take a little nap. It has been therapeutic to write this all down. One day at a time, right?
God bless...
I stopped drinking last Saturday, Friday night at 9pm I finished my last bit of whiskey, so I have been sober Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and now Tuesday, but the cravings are getting to me. It is almost as if I hear voices, but the voices are my own. I tried to explain it once to my wife and my mother, but they didn't get it, or at least the expressions on their faces seemed to indicate such.
I just keep hearing my voice over-and-over again inside my head saying, "you need a drink. How about a drink? Go get a drink. Come on the liquor store is just down the street. Go get a drink. You know you want a drink. Sure would be nice to have a drink...", and that goes on and on all night long until I go to bed, and God help me if I can't fall asleep because that is all I will be thinking about.
The whole time I am sitting here on the couch staring at the TV, legs twitching from the DTs, every bone in my body feeling all arthritic, muscles week and lethargic, pains in places that I didn't even know could hurt, and the waves of nausea and hot flashes, forget about it.
So tired too. I think I am going to go take a nap. I need to quit drinking. I need to feel normal again, and I pray that I don't end up replacing the alcohol with something even more unhealthy.
You see my problem is not that I am an alcoholic, because I really can't stand alcohol. I hate the taste; in fact, I can barely stomach the taste at all. I have to chase each shot with a drink of diet pepsi in order to keep it down, at least until I get good and drunk and then it is no longer an issue. I only turn to alcohol for a head change because it is legal and easy to get a hold of. I am a 38 year old professional, functional alcoholic if you want to call me that, so I don't fit in with the drug scene like I did when I was in my 20's. Back then I rarely drank at all, but then again I was hitting the pipe smoking crack, meth, heroine...not shooting, smoking. Snorting just about anything I could put up my nose. Needless to say, a lot of pot. If I drank, it was a beer or two, nothing major.
Then I ended up hitting rock bottom with the drugs at age 23 and ended up in an inpatient rehab facility, haven't done an illegal drug since other than pot, and I haven't had pot in over 5 years, but only because even if I did know where to get it I can't stand the whole drug scene anymore. I tell you what though, I know for a fact that if pot were legal and available at the corner smoke shop, I would be high every day, which would be a very, very bad thing. I remember myself on pot and those commercials with the deflated teenagers...not to far from the truth when it comes to me and pot. I would just sit there and veg out.
Ok..time to take a little nap. It has been therapeutic to write this all down. One day at a time, right?
God bless...
Alcoholics Anonymous saved my life. I wish you the best.
Bob R
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
KTurner, this is amazing that you have reached arrived at this place in your journey: Please, please, make your next mouse click to find information about AVRT, or Addictive Voice Recognition Technique. You can find it on the Rational Recovery website. It speaks exactly and precisely to what you have just said.
There is an SR forum dedicated to AVRT and other alternatives to 12 Step sobriety called Secular Connections. Just like the rest of SR, there is a ton of support there for you. Best to you.
I just keep hearing my voice over-and-over again inside my head saying, "you need a drink. How about a drink? Go get a drink. Come on the liquor store is just down the street. Go get a drink. You know you want a drink. Sure would be nice to have a drink...", and that goes on and on all night long until I go to bed, and God help me if I can't fall asleep because that is all I will be thinking about.
There is an SR forum dedicated to AVRT and other alternatives to 12 Step sobriety called Secular Connections. Just like the rest of SR, there is a ton of support there for you. Best to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Utah
Posts: 21
Thank you Freshstart57 for the tip on AVRT. I have not looked into this yet, as it is currently 1:57am...Couldn't sleep so I thought I would check in. I am very intrigued though and will look into this later this morning when I wake for the day.
Thank you to everyone else for the kind and encouraging words. I am happy to report I did not drink tonight, but that is in large part because I am just now waking up from that "nap" I took. I guess my body needed it though. I am actually feeling pretty good right now. First time in a while....it is very....nice.
God bless, take care, and good night. =)
Thank you to everyone else for the kind and encouraging words. I am happy to report I did not drink tonight, but that is in large part because I am just now waking up from that "nap" I took. I guess my body needed it though. I am actually feeling pretty good right now. First time in a while....it is very....nice.
God bless, take care, and good night. =)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 74
Originally Posted by KTurner0524
I just keep hearing my voice over-and-over again inside my head saying, "you need a drink. How about a drink? Go get a drink. Come on the liquor store is just down the street. Go get a drink. You know you want a drink. Sure would be nice to have a drink...", and that goes on and on all night long until I go to bed, and God help me if I can't fall asleep because that is all I will be thinking about..
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 896
Oh yes, big time the voice is in my head now keeping on and on.
Had a bad day at work with crazy management bullies and now want to get smashed so it eases the fact i'm in a dead end job which i hate with dead end people. But then tomorrow it would be worse dealing with idiots with a hangover if i even bothered going to work.
So i'm having a cup of tea then food , hopefully it will pass, although i have bathed and shaved ready to go out.
Just going through the motions that the AV wants me to and why, because of some jumped up unskilled management - ruin my life anymore for them. No way, its my ride and i'm the only one on it.
Not tonight Jim lad. I'm safe here with my tea, GF and son where i belong.
Glad you're feeling better KT0524 I also hope this gets easeir quickly.
Day 4 for me
Thanks Jim
Had a bad day at work with crazy management bullies and now want to get smashed so it eases the fact i'm in a dead end job which i hate with dead end people. But then tomorrow it would be worse dealing with idiots with a hangover if i even bothered going to work.
So i'm having a cup of tea then food , hopefully it will pass, although i have bathed and shaved ready to go out.
Just going through the motions that the AV wants me to and why, because of some jumped up unskilled management - ruin my life anymore for them. No way, its my ride and i'm the only one on it.
Not tonight Jim lad. I'm safe here with my tea, GF and son where i belong.
Glad you're feeling better KT0524 I also hope this gets easeir quickly.
Day 4 for me
Thanks Jim
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Utah
Posts: 21
Username1 and Jimuk, it amazes me how much alcoholics have in common. For instance, Jimuk, you pretty much described my...well, everyday that I work. Those blood sucking leaches in corporate would have me work until I dropped dead if I let them, and then they would callously push my corpse out of the way so it didn't get in the way of the new "resource" they hired to replace me.
Which brings me to my next vent. I went to college for 2 years, followed that up with 3 years at the university, I didn't do all that so I could literally be labeled as a "resource". WTH are people thinking? Don't the know how belittling that is? Do they care? I know the answer to that already.
It truly sickens me and has been at the root of my alcoholism, or at least the root of my excuses to drink for years. I need to learn how to let it go. Let them go on and be the cold, calculated, automatons that the seem to like being, while I go off and live life as a human being.
Sorry but that sure felt good to write.. Hang in there it is too easy to back slide....God know I am feeling the stresses again today. How long before these cravings ease up....they probably never really go away, but they have to ease up, right?
Which brings me to my next vent. I went to college for 2 years, followed that up with 3 years at the university, I didn't do all that so I could literally be labeled as a "resource". WTH are people thinking? Don't the know how belittling that is? Do they care? I know the answer to that already.
It truly sickens me and has been at the root of my alcoholism, or at least the root of my excuses to drink for years. I need to learn how to let it go. Let them go on and be the cold, calculated, automatons that the seem to like being, while I go off and live life as a human being.
Sorry but that sure felt good to write.
. Hang in there it is too easy to back slide....God know I am feeling the stresses again today. How long before these cravings ease up....they probably never really go away, but they have to ease up, right?
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
The facts of my life didn't change all that much when I stopped drinking, but the problems and conflicts became waay more manageable and just like 'normal' people, I should think. I am sure that I affected the people around me when I was drinking, and since they are happier around me, I am happier too, which makes them happier around me so that I am... well you get the idea.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 3,360
[QUOTE=sugarbear1;3563334]alcoholism has little to do with alcohol, it has to do with living life without the need to get out of one's own head
I totally agree!
Glad you are here, keep posting and reaching out!
I totally agree!
Glad you are here, keep posting and reaching out!
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