laurie6781

You know James my first 2 years into sobriety I wasted a lot of time trying to
figure out "WHY" I was an alcoholic. Was it the sexual abuse as a child, ages
5 to 10 years old by my uncle, was it that alcoholism was in both sides of my
family, was it having to change schools 7 times in my first 8 years of school,
etc

And one day it dawned on me. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHY, you are an alcoholic
now deal with it, and live your life to the fullest sober. It was quite a revelation
to me, but it was oh so true.

So to this day, so many years later, I DON'T KNOW why I am an alcoholic. I
just know that I am sober today, have been for many years, and have had a
life so far that I could never have dreamed was possible!

So, when it is time for you, you will put aside the search for 'why' and spend
that energy on making your sobriety and your life the most enjoyable it can
ever by for you.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

James007

Yes, I have to change "victim" to survivor it has a better ring to it. I found alot of web pages made by survivors of the teenage behavoir modification industry.

I learned to call it the the TBMI from websites like THE COALITION AGAINST INSTITUTIONALIZED CHILD ABUSE NATIONAL CRISIS - INSTITUTIONALIZED CHILD ABUSE

These people put resentments to good use !

sugarbear1

I stopped blaming others. I started taking responsibility for my perceptions and actions.

It doesn't matter why. If you want to see what happens to children who were abused, come to the school I work in....you definitely aren't like these children.

What are you doing to stay stopped today?

Pigtails

I do believe that people who have had abusive or traumatic childhoods often turn to drink or drugs as a coping mechanism, an escape from reality, or maybe because they have never been shown love or taught how to deal with their problems in life.

Yes, many people here have made a choice to stop living in the past and blaming other people, and become solely responsible for our own lives. However I do not think we can or should say that everyone is capable of doing the same. Some people never escape the pain that is their childhood or a traumatic event happening to them-- they were innocent children and are innocent people who had no control over the things that happened to them. I do not blame them for drinking or doing drugs. I do hope they can find a better life but I also think it must be very very hard. Sadly I do not believe everyone is capable of this-- some people are just too broken.

Pigtails

As an example, my father came from a very bad home full of abuse and neglect. There were a lot of children in the home and he is one of the few who "made it out"-- as in, is not on welfare and/or on drugs, who has what looks like a successful life and a happy family etc. I am not saying he is not without his problems or coping mechanisms. But he is someone that other people would point to and say "now there's a man who made his own decisions despite his past." Some of his other siblings are the exact opposite. They are in bad physical and mental health. In my humble opinion I believe my dad was blessed by fate with a very intelligent brain, a strong will, an optimistic and "fighter/survivor" nature and an ambitious and driven nature. To say that just because he could, or seemingly could, escape his past means that his other siblings who were raised in the same circumstances (honestly, the younger ones had it much worse than he did) is a fallacy in my opinion because people have different ways of reacting to what happens to them that I do not believe we have much control over. People have different intellectual and emotional abilities, it's just like how two puppies can be born from the same dog and one of them is mean and one of them is nice. I am not saying people cannot change their nature or personality but I believe psychology and science have shown that most of the time they cannot-- we are who we are.

Zencat

The child abuse I experienced did make me rebellious. I was more disposed to unruly behavior and alcohol fit well with that. Abusing alcohol eventual led to my alcoholism.

I know my childhood abuse and mental illness did predispose me to self-medication with alcohol/dry goods. But once I'm addicted to drugs (alcohol) the illness stands alone with treatment specific to alcoholism and then the underlying illness can be better managed.

sugarbear1

Maybe some therapy can help, they know so much today!

I wish you well!

candi7

Alcohol is an evil for sure! So sorry to hear you had such a bad experience.. Alcoholics Anonymous helped me tremendously- but what I found is that I had to get "Professional Help" outside the halls of AA and my life is getting so much better.. Now that I'm on the 4th step I seen how my life has gone and the patterns and paths I've chosen-I believe these 12 steps I'm taken (In AA) will get me past all those hurts and pains... And I know that it can work for everyone as long as they have the desire... And the blessing behind it all James, is that all our suffering is not in vain.. at least we will be able to one day help another person who went through what you did (that someone else was unable to reach-in AA or even here)... So just know your life has a meaning and purpose! And I'm so happy you are on the road to recovery..