My Story and in need of support.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: British But live in CA, USA
Posts: 30
My Story and in need of support.
Good Morning All my name is Melanie 
Well, i have been an alcoholic since 2005, I am 35 and live in San Diego, I moved out to the US in 2005 when i met my husband who is American. We have 2 children together. I am British.
Before i came to the US my nana died, she had brought me up and it was a huge loss for me, not being able to attend the funeral was horrid, this is when i started drinking, a move to the US with a 2 year old child and the new culture and home sickness really made life hard.
There is to much to tell but i have been sectioned for mental illness brought on by my drinking, my 10 year old found me nearly dead on the floor with a alcohol level of .4 . CPS were called but they found no reason to visit and the case was dropped. I am a good mom but could be a lot better. I must do this now before this kills me!
My marriage is suffering, my weight is down to 120 at 5.9 and i can not eat or drink without vomiting, my liver also hurts. I was drinking two bottles of wine a day. Yesterday I was so ill that i have decided to come back here and become sober. I have campril which helps with the cravings, so that's a good thing
I am a shell of my former self, my Degree in Mortuary Sciences has just fallen by the wayside, i am not the mom, friend or wife i want to be and i would rather be dead than live like this any longer, so please join me on my journey as i will be posting daily, thank you for listening, knowing i am not alone is a massive benefit to me.
Well, i have been an alcoholic since 2005, I am 35 and live in San Diego, I moved out to the US in 2005 when i met my husband who is American. We have 2 children together. I am British.
Before i came to the US my nana died, she had brought me up and it was a huge loss for me, not being able to attend the funeral was horrid, this is when i started drinking, a move to the US with a 2 year old child and the new culture and home sickness really made life hard.
There is to much to tell but i have been sectioned for mental illness brought on by my drinking, my 10 year old found me nearly dead on the floor with a alcohol level of .4 . CPS were called but they found no reason to visit and the case was dropped. I am a good mom but could be a lot better. I must do this now before this kills me!
My marriage is suffering, my weight is down to 120 at 5.9 and i can not eat or drink without vomiting, my liver also hurts. I was drinking two bottles of wine a day. Yesterday I was so ill that i have decided to come back here and become sober. I have campril which helps with the cravings, so that's a good thing
I am a shell of my former self, my Degree in Mortuary Sciences has just fallen by the wayside, i am not the mom, friend or wife i want to be and i would rather be dead than live like this any longer, so please join me on my journey as i will be posting daily, thank you for listening, knowing i am not alone is a massive benefit to me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: British But live in CA, USA
Posts: 30
Thanks for your reply!
I have done years of alcohol counselling, on a one to one basis, it did not help but i will think about that some more. How are you today? I am seriously sweating and shaking but i know its poison leaving my body.
Could i ask one question? Do you have want to get sober or can you make yourself do it, i still want to drink but i am saying NO more.
Thanks
I have done years of alcohol counselling, on a one to one basis, it did not help but i will think about that some more. How are you today? I am seriously sweating and shaking but i know its poison leaving my body.
Could i ask one question? Do you have want to get sober or can you make yourself do it, i still want to drink but i am saying NO more.
Thanks
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
I did lots of counseling, among other things, before I finally quit drinking. I think it didn't work for me because I really didn't want it too. I spent years trying to figure out what I needed to fix to make me happy. I refused to believe what I needed to fix was my drinking. And by fix, I mean stop completely.
The sweating and shaking are withdrawal symptoms. If you start to feel much worse you should contact a doctor or go to ER. Alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous. Fatal even.
I do believe you have to want it .... here's what helped me. I had to completely accept that fact that my drinking was causing major problems with me, my job, my family. When my mind started to wonder, forgetting those facts, I had to remember it. To be honest, the face to face support helped me with that. I use AA as my support group. I am reminded why I'm not a drinker anymore at each meeting.
Are you willing to look into AA or other support groups in your area?
Is your husband military? I ask because the base probably has some great resources that you could use.
The sweating and shaking are withdrawal symptoms. If you start to feel much worse you should contact a doctor or go to ER. Alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous. Fatal even.
I do believe you have to want it .... here's what helped me. I had to completely accept that fact that my drinking was causing major problems with me, my job, my family. When my mind started to wonder, forgetting those facts, I had to remember it. To be honest, the face to face support helped me with that. I use AA as my support group. I am reminded why I'm not a drinker anymore at each meeting.
Are you willing to look into AA or other support groups in your area?
Is your husband military? I ask because the base probably has some great resources that you could use.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 328
Originally Posted by Dreamygal
weight is down to 120 at 5.9 and i can not eat or drink without vomiting, my liver also hurts
If your organism is that weakened, it might be a good idea for your detox to be medically supervised.
Good luck!
Originally Posted by Dreamygal
Before i came to the US my nana died, she had brought me up and it was a huge loss for me, not being able to attend the funeral was horrid
I was raised by my grandparents before moving to North America. My favorite relative was my grandfather, we were extremely close. When he died, I couldn't go to the funeral because I was in the middle of exams. I had a depression for a month afterwards.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Bellingham
Posts: 513
I'm in your age area, 34. I don't have kids and a wife, but like you, I do feel like I am coping with a state of shambles. Failure to launch is the right phrase. I mean, I went out there, did things, but my ego issues kept me from really succeeding, really listening, really enjoying anything. Of course in a state of despair, drinking was my favorite escape. I could achieve this parody of happiness for 15 minutes, 20 minutes, as long as the glow lasted.
I couldn't stop without support of some kind. The best I could manage was two weeks, three weeks. But then I did 4 months with SR. Now I'm on 5 months with AA. But I think key for me throughout was just trying different things, be they SR, AA, a doctor, a book, or something else entirely. The pattern was that before, when I was drinking and absolutely not coping with my emotions, I disdained the concept of trying anything. I was in a 10 year rut. I affirmed my depression as a necessary part of being human, and I didn't listen to anyone.
Good luck! Mortuary Science! Sounds like a really helpful profession! The States are a lot different than Europe. I've lived in both societies. I always feel like here it's a little easier to be lonely. People don't connect as readily, or something. I always chalk it up to a lingering puritanism.
I couldn't stop without support of some kind. The best I could manage was two weeks, three weeks. But then I did 4 months with SR. Now I'm on 5 months with AA. But I think key for me throughout was just trying different things, be they SR, AA, a doctor, a book, or something else entirely. The pattern was that before, when I was drinking and absolutely not coping with my emotions, I disdained the concept of trying anything. I was in a 10 year rut. I affirmed my depression as a necessary part of being human, and I didn't listen to anyone.
Good luck! Mortuary Science! Sounds like a really helpful profession! The States are a lot different than Europe. I've lived in both societies. I always feel like here it's a little easier to be lonely. People don't connect as readily, or something. I always chalk it up to a lingering puritanism.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome back...
I do think seeing a doctor is a wise move at this point
and be honest about your current drinking history.
It's really dangerous to try to de tox on your own.
Blessings to you and your family
I do think seeing a doctor is a wise move at this point
and be honest about your current drinking history.
It's really dangerous to try to de tox on your own.
Blessings to you and your family
Last edited by CarolD; 08-29-2012 at 10:59 AM.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: British But live in CA, USA
Posts: 30
PaperDolls, thanks again for your replay, I have tried AA and am thinking about going back again. No i am not on a base We live in Del Mar I see what you mean when you say that i have to look back on all the things this poison has made me do, i know that will keep me strong, thanks so much for your help and advice
We live in Del Mar I see what you mean when you say that i have to look back on all the things this poison has made me do, i know that will keep me strong, thanks so much for your help and advice Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: British But live in CA, USA
Posts: 30
Seanie, its good to know i am not alone, good luck to you, we can do this, there is no going back for me, i think my body is on the edge of giving up, that and other things are keeping me strong today
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: British But live in CA, USA
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by Someguy23 
All of that sounds rather serious.
If your organism is that weakened, it might be a good idea for your detox to be medically supervised.
Good luck!
I'm so sorry to hear that. I know what it's like.
I was raised by my grandparents before moving to North America. My favorite relative was my grandfather, we were extremely close. When he died, I couldn't go to the funeral because I was in the middle of exams. I had a depression for a month afterwards.
If your organism is that weakened, it might be a good idea for your detox to be medically supervised.
Good luck!
I'm so sorry to hear that. I know what it's like.
I was raised by my grandparents before moving to North America. My favorite relative was my grandfather, we were extremely close. When he died, I couldn't go to the funeral because I was in the middle of exams. I had a depression for a month afterwards.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: British But live in CA, USA
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by davaidavai
I'm in your age area, 34. I don't have kids and a wife, but like you, I do feel like I am coping with a state of shambles. Failure to launch is the right phrase. I mean, I went out there, did things, but my ego issues kept me from really succeeding, really listening, really enjoying anything. Of course in a state of despair, drinking was my favorite escape. I could achieve this parody of happiness for 15 minutes, 20 minutes, as long as the glow lasted.
I couldn't stop without support of some kind. The best I could manage was two weeks, three weeks. But then I did 4 months with SR. Now I'm on 5 months with AA. But I think key for me throughout was just trying different things, be they SR, AA, a doctor, a book, or something else entirely. The pattern was that before, when I was drinking and absolutely not coping with my emotions, I disdained the concept of trying anything. I was in a 10 year rut. I affirmed my depression as a necessary part of being human, and I didn't listen to anyone.
Good luck! Mortuary Science! Sounds like a really helpful profession! The States are a lot different than Europe. I've lived in both societies. I always feel like here it's a little easier to be lonely. People don't connect as readily, or something. I always chalk it up to a lingering puritanism.
I couldn't stop without support of some kind. The best I could manage was two weeks, three weeks. But then I did 4 months with SR. Now I'm on 5 months with AA. But I think key for me throughout was just trying different things, be they SR, AA, a doctor, a book, or something else entirely. The pattern was that before, when I was drinking and absolutely not coping with my emotions, I disdained the concept of trying anything. I was in a 10 year rut. I affirmed my depression as a necessary part of being human, and I didn't listen to anyone.
Good luck! Mortuary Science! Sounds like a really helpful profession! The States are a lot different than Europe. I've lived in both societies. I always feel like here it's a little easier to be lonely. People don't connect as readily, or something. I always chalk it up to a lingering puritanism.
I looked like that holdin beer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 627
Wow, I can relate to the weight loss. I am 5'10" and was down to a size one, and I am German and large boned. Looking back, I can't believe what I put my loved ones and myself through with my drinking and still continued to drink. I had many moments that most people would consider "rock bottom", but I still didn't stop for a long time. I can see that you had a near tragic experience for you and your family. I am so glad you are OK. Hopefully that was your final straw.
"Could i ask one question? Do you have want to get sober or can you make yourself do it, i still want to drink but i am saying NO more."
I can only speak for myself, and in my case, yes, I had to really want to stop and get sober. Of course there is always a part of me that wants to drink, but the part of me that does not is stronger, and the longer I stay stopped the stronger I get and the more those nightmare times are a distant memory and my urges to drink fade away.
Welcome back Melanie, I know you can do this because millions of people in your situation or even worse have done it. You will be the woman, wife, and mother that you were meant to be.
Hugs, MC
"Could i ask one question? Do you have want to get sober or can you make yourself do it, i still want to drink but i am saying NO more."
I can only speak for myself, and in my case, yes, I had to really want to stop and get sober. Of course there is always a part of me that wants to drink, but the part of me that does not is stronger, and the longer I stay stopped the stronger I get and the more those nightmare times are a distant memory and my urges to drink fade away.
Welcome back Melanie, I know you can do this because millions of people in your situation or even worse have done it. You will be the woman, wife, and mother that you were meant to be.
Hugs, MC
I looked like that holdin beer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 627
PaperDolls,
Awesome post! I can totally relate. It took me a long time to face the fact that most of my problems were a direct result of drinking. I blamed everything else. Of course I admitted that I might have had a "slight" drinking problem that cutting back would fix.... ha! If I admitted drinking was the main, main problem I would have to quit. What a knucklehead!
Anyhow, Dreamygal, You are already ahead of the game, because you know drinking is the culprit.
and....
Sorry to double post, but I just thought your post was so good I had to comment on it
Awesome post! I can totally relate. It took me a long time to face the fact that most of my problems were a direct result of drinking. I blamed everything else. Of course I admitted that I might have had a "slight" drinking problem that cutting back would fix.... ha! If I admitted drinking was the main, main problem I would have to quit. What a knucklehead!
Anyhow, Dreamygal, You are already ahead of the game, because you know drinking is the culprit.
and....
Sorry to double post, but I just thought your post was so good I had to comment on it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: British But live in CA, USA
Posts: 30
You quys are awesome! well its 135pm here, still shaking, sweating and have a bad tummy but, i have not drank and the detox is getting no worse.
The urge to drink pops into my head every 5 minutes it seems and when it does, i say out load, NO! i probably sound like a loon lol
Thanks again and for today i am sober
The urge to drink pops into my head every 5 minutes it seems and when it does, i say out load, NO! i probably sound like a loon lol
Thanks again and for today i am sober
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Happy Valley, OR
Posts: 28
Hi DreamyGal~
I am up here in Oregon so we are on the same time zone at least
I never had the bad withdrawls from alcohol but I can only imagine. I am so sorry you are in so much pain
Just know that you are NOT alone and you can do this!!! Even if it's just for the next 5 minutes!!! If you have alcohol in the house I would suggest getting rid of it or if you can't, have someone else get rid of it for you. Also, get to an AA meeting as soon as you can, if that's that route you want to take
We are here for you Be strong
Big Hugs!!!!
I am up here in Oregon so we are on the same time zone at least
I never had the bad withdrawls from alcohol but I can only imagine. I am so sorry you are in so much pain
Just know that you are NOT alone and you can do this!!! Even if it's just for the next 5 minutes!!! If you have alcohol in the house I would suggest getting rid of it or if you can't, have someone else get rid of it for you. Also, get to an AA meeting as soon as you can, if that's that route you want to take We are here for you
Be strong Big Hugs!!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Kent
Posts: 6
Melanie..
I read your post and its so sad that you are suffering like this.
I am a child of an alcoholic mother and unfortantly she died due to her drinking.... It broke my heart!
I know you can do this! It will be tough but you will get there! Keep smiling and stand strong! You are depressed and need help with your depression and help with the drinking! Dont let your children end up like me!
Take care!
Hugs!!
Sammy xx
I read your post and its so sad that you are suffering like this.
I am a child of an alcoholic mother and unfortantly she died due to her drinking.... It broke my heart!
I know you can do this! It will be tough but you will get there! Keep smiling and stand strong! You are depressed and need help with your depression and help with the drinking! Dont let your children end up like me!
Take care!
Hugs!!
Sammy xx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Dreamy,
I didn’t want to quit drinking in 1989 ... I just didn't want to die a little bit more.
I surrendered as best I could to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and my "little bit" of desire was all I needed.
I wish you the best.
Bob R
I didn’t want to quit drinking in 1989 ... I just didn't want to die a little bit more.
I surrendered as best I could to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and my "little bit" of desire was all I needed.
I wish you the best.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
Welcome back Melanie.
You're doing really well. Congratulations.
For me it is a bit of both. I don't want to drink, at all. It's not an option for me any more and I am happy to say I will never drink again and that I'm completely at peace with this decision. HOWEVER, making yourself do it is a part of that, I think.
I'd say it's more about wanting to make yourself do it... a mixture of both. If that makes sense?
You're doing really well. Congratulations.
Could i ask one question? Do you have want to get sober or can you make yourself do it, i still want to drink but i am saying NO more.
I'd say it's more about wanting to make yourself do it... a mixture of both. If that makes sense?
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