jimihendrix

First off, thank you to everyone on this forum. Especially Dee and Carol for running the show. Reading the threads daily has been part of my plan, and has been very helpful.

I haven’t had a drink in a year.

Was it hard to not drink? The act of “not drinking” was easier than I thought. I never came close to breaking and actually having a drink. But everything else involved in being someone who “quit drinking” was much harder than expected. I’ve been forced to face things I’ve avoided, and I’ve had to relearn how to have fun without drinking.

Will I drink again? Forever is a long time and it’s hard to get my head around it. What I can say with certainty is that I won’t drink today, I won’t drink this week, and I won’t drink this month. The old drinking devil does pop up and says “you’ll be back”. I don’t think that devil will ever go away, but I've learned how to keep him in his cage.

I know for a fact that with my biology, I’m either a non-drinker or a heavy drinker. There is no in between. An absolute truth for me is that it was no fun to try and control my drinking, and if I had fun drinking, I was out of control. If I only had 2 or 3 drinks, I could stop – but I wanted more. If I drank all I wanted, I would end up out of control. Both of those outcomes were bad, and I’m glad I haven’t had to endure the torture of the first and the terrible consequences of the second.

I’ve become much more genuine over the last year. I’m a better husband, friend, and employee. I don’t have to deceive people about my drinking or deal with all the hassles of getting a drink, making sure I have enough to drink, sneaking drinks, or lying about being drunk.

There are many many things that are better in my life since I quit.

 I’m authentic. I act, talk, and think in a way that is real.
 I’m a better husband and partner for my wife.
 When we talk, we have better conversations and I remember all of them.
 She knows I’m sober, so she knows she’s talking to the real me and not the drunk me.
 I don’t run the risk of embarrassing her, which makes both of us relax.
 I don’t make her feel alone, even when I’m there.
 I don’t have to lie to my wife about how much I’ve had to drink or conceal my drinking.
 I don’t drive drunk (or near drunk) and put us at risk or make us feel uncomfortable.
 Other people don't drink very much. It's remarkable how little normal people actually drink.
 Other people really don't care that you quit. They are doing their own thing, and could mostly care less if you're having a drink at the party or dinner.
 I am much sharper and quicker
 I am way funnier. It’s not even close. I can think of jokes quickly, deliver them well, and can go close to the line without going over it.
 I don’t get tired or hung over after a night of drinking. Sunday’s are more active.
 I feel great on Monday and Tuesday instead of just getting by and regaining energy
 Mornings are now the best time of day. I’m alert and in a great mood.
 My patience is 10X better. This may be the best thing of all. Things just don’t bother me and I’m much calmer.
 At work, I’m a better manager and employee because I’m sharper, more energetic, and more patient.
 Socially, I am more willing to speak my mind and take risks in conversation or jokes because I don’t have my “you’re drunk. Don’t say something dumb” governor on.
 I’m becoming less selfish and self absorbed.
 I’ve lost 30 pounds. I eat whatever I want and I don’t exercise.
 My skin, eyes, and face look better.
 I don’t get blurry vision
 My body functions better – it just feels less creaky
 No more debilitating stomach aches.
 Brain fog is gone. I’m always clear.
 Recall is better – not 100%, but definitely improved.
 I always tell the truth because I have nothing to hide. I used to have little meaningless deceptions. Those eroded my soul and hindered my relationships.
 I see the rest of the drinkers in my family and I don’t want to be them.
 I’m proud of my discipline and growth which make me feel better about myself and more hopeful.
 I’m a better friend because I’m more real, attentive, and they know I’m not drunk.
 I don’t have to hide my drinking, or hide the purchase/disposal of bottles.
 I’m not itching for more or monitoring how much is left or how I get my next one.
 Dinner is waaay less expensive.
 I’m learning to focus on and enjoy the present, rather than ruminating on the past or worrying about all the scenarios that could occur in the future.
 I don’t have to sober up at the end of the night. The last 3 hours felt like a waste because I wanted to drink but couldn’t. It was a little depressing and tiring, and I’m glad that’s gone.
 My wife doesn’t have to ask “are you okay to drive”. And I don’t have to lie to her and have her know it and resent me for the risk and the lie.
 Emotions are real rather than being initiated by being too drunk.
 I’m not overenthusiastic in conversation which I think is real, but the person I’m talking to knows is not genuine.
 My family and close friends are proud of me. They don’t have to say it, but they all knew I was drinking too much and they notice that it’s good that I stopped.
 It doesn’t take 2 drinks for me to feel “normal”.
 I don’t fall asleep in movies because I had too much to drink.
 I don’t dominate dinner parties with loud conversation. I have the right balance now.
 I know that my brain is healing itself. I can feel it and see it in my thoughts and actions.
 I have more energy and enthusiasm for the little chores. This makes me more responsible, more on top of things, and helps my wife relax because things are getting done on time.
 I maintain my position in arguments with my wife because she can no longer “play the ace” against me. I do it nicely, but am not a push over because I don’t have fear of her somehow relating the disagreement to my drinking.
 I look people in the eye and hold my gaze longer. I’m not sure why I do this now, but I find myself doing it. This definitely displays more confidence.

Everyone is different, but these are my experiences and observations. These positives are the benefits of change and motivators to maintain the change and not drink.

CarolD

Excellent progress...

LoftyIdeals

Man, Jimi, what a list. I'm printing and saving it. You've captured so much that I overlooked. I made a year earlier this month. The rest of the August 2011 class have joined the "one yr and over" thread on Newcomers. Why don't you join us?

Congrats!

bryangt

Jimi--first of congratulations! And secondly, that is one heck of a gratitude list! You should print that out & look at it from time to time...

mdh0723

Congratulations and Happy Birthday. Thank you so much for sharing this. Sobriety is a beautiful thing.

MetalChick

"Socially, I am more willing to speak my mind and take risks in conversation or jokes because I don’t have my “you’re drunk. Don’t say something dumb” governor on."

I love that one

Dee74

hearty congratulations on your year Jimi

D

hypochondriac

Wow, that's a great list Jimi. I get this one.. and it's definitely the best

Well done on one whole year! 7

zanzibar

Nice going jimi, good for you.

katrinka

Congratulations to you!! Great post, too. I can relate with lots of things on that list, it's just wonderful, isn't it!

vivjourney

Thank you! What a great post!

Congratulations!

Nuway2fly

A very profound post, jimi. And it's a great inspiration for one like me, for I am just starting my journey to where you are now. You've made it clear that where you are is way better than where I just left from.