Seeking Input on Your Experience
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Oregon
Posts: 2
Seeking Input on Your Experience
I'm 43/M. I've been a daily drinker for approximately 20 years. I'm a functional alcoholic and those that I've told I have an issue were shocked.
I have gone through a few short periods over the last year (all 10 days or less) where I haven't had a drink. I've had no withdrawal symptons, but I did have medication from my doctor in case I did experience them.
The last period I didn't drink was about a month ago. I was five days sober and had attended several AA meetings. I was talking to someone about being my sponsor and we agreed to meet to discuss. He is a long-term supporter of AA (25+ years). Our talk was very good. But at the end of it, he pushed the 90 meetings in 90 days and wanted me to get 2-3 service commitments. I walked away from it seeming so overwhelmed by it all. Here's why.
Besides dealing with my alcohol issue, I also know I need to get into a regular workout routine. Not only for all the health benefits, but also to help with stress. The AA meetings I've found to be helpful are in the evening after work. For me to get there, I need to leave shortly after 5 PM in order to ensure I get there for the 7 PM start. The meetings go until at least 8:15 PM and then I don't get home until about 9:15-9:30. To me, this leaves no time for life stuff - besides household chores, I do want to have a life outside of work and AA.
I do want to be rid of the pain the alcohol is causing. And, with there being multiple aspects of my life that need attention, I feel overwhelmed as to how to make them all happen.
Also, my doctor has prescribed Campral. Has anyone taken it? What was your experience?
Thank you in advance for your input.
I have gone through a few short periods over the last year (all 10 days or less) where I haven't had a drink. I've had no withdrawal symptons, but I did have medication from my doctor in case I did experience them.
The last period I didn't drink was about a month ago. I was five days sober and had attended several AA meetings. I was talking to someone about being my sponsor and we agreed to meet to discuss. He is a long-term supporter of AA (25+ years). Our talk was very good. But at the end of it, he pushed the 90 meetings in 90 days and wanted me to get 2-3 service commitments. I walked away from it seeming so overwhelmed by it all. Here's why.
Besides dealing with my alcohol issue, I also know I need to get into a regular workout routine. Not only for all the health benefits, but also to help with stress. The AA meetings I've found to be helpful are in the evening after work. For me to get there, I need to leave shortly after 5 PM in order to ensure I get there for the 7 PM start. The meetings go until at least 8:15 PM and then I don't get home until about 9:15-9:30. To me, this leaves no time for life stuff - besides household chores, I do want to have a life outside of work and AA.
I do want to be rid of the pain the alcohol is causing. And, with there being multiple aspects of my life that need attention, I feel overwhelmed as to how to make them all happen.
Also, my doctor has prescribed Campral. Has anyone taken it? What was your experience?
Thank you in advance for your input.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it-then you are ready to take certain steps.
pg 58 Big Book
When I went to my first meeting and decided I wanted what these people had....I was willing to go to any length to get it. My sponsor suggested I do 90 meetings in 90 days...I didn't question it.....I knew what the results of doing things my way would be. I needed to change....And the first change I had to make was to learn to listen and take suggestions....The gentleman with 25 years....Probably had a reason when he asked you to do those things. I wish you well.
pg 58 Big Book
When I went to my first meeting and decided I wanted what these people had....I was willing to go to any length to get it. My sponsor suggested I do 90 meetings in 90 days...I didn't question it.....I knew what the results of doing things my way would be. I needed to change....And the first change I had to make was to learn to listen and take suggestions....The gentleman with 25 years....Probably had a reason when he asked you to do those things. I wish you well.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
Originally Posted by RM8675309 
The last period I didn't drink was about a month ago. I was five days sober and had attended several AA meetings. I was talking to someone about being my sponsor and we agreed to meet to discuss. He is a long-term supporter of AA (25+ years). Our talk was very good. But at the end of it, he pushed the 90 meetings in 90 days and wanted me to get 2-3 service commitments. I walked away from it seeming so overwhelmed by it all.
He said people that don't want to, don't think they need to.
We feel we don't need to do what other people do. It's not that bad.
We gamble with our life.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi and welcome RM8675309 
I'm not in AA but I have learned my recovery needs to come first before anything - because without my recovery, everything else is in danger anyway.
Get the recovery right first - then you'll be better able to get the balance between the other parts of your life right
D
I'm not in AA but I have learned my recovery needs to come first before anything - because without my recovery, everything else is in danger anyway.
Get the recovery right first - then you'll be better able to get the balance between the other parts of your life right
D
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
For what it's worth, AA questions are usually best answered by the ppl with the most AA experience......and they're in the "12-Step" section of this site.
As for the meetings and the service commitments, I get that you don't want to do that. Nobody does........at first. Most of the ppl who do it have learned the value in serving others first and their own wants second (nobody does this ALL the time...but you catch my drift).
The whole AA program centers around doing things for others..... As you explained, you're new so, of course you don't want to do that. It seems intrusive and cuts into the time where you do what you feel like doing - things for yourself.
One of these days that will change.....and it'll change because you want it to change. I think we all try to do as little as we can at first. Eventually we figure out though, that if you show up to the ocean with a thimble, you only get a thimble-full of water. Sooner or later, you'll want to bring a bucket, then a barrel, then a big 'ol water truck, and so on.
My great grand sponsor's more (in-?)famous line is: "If you want to get and stay.....sober AND happy...... you're going to have to do a lot of things you don't want to do." Hmmm......doing things I don't want to do to get happy. That sure was a new one on me. Give it a try though.....you'll see why that line has been proved over and over to him for the past 53 years in AA.
Finally.....it sounds like you like and respect your sponsor. It also sounds like he knows a thing or two about quality long-term sobriety. If he's giving you some suggestions, I'd suggest you follow what he say.........or you can just do it your-way and see if that works. If you choose the latter and it doesn't work.......just recognize that you were working your program, not the AA program.
As for the meetings and the service commitments, I get that you don't want to do that. Nobody does........at first. Most of the ppl who do it have learned the value in serving others first and their own wants second (nobody does this ALL the time...but you catch my drift).
The whole AA program centers around doing things for others..... As you explained, you're new so, of course you don't want to do that. It seems intrusive and cuts into the time where you do what you feel like doing - things for yourself.
One of these days that will change.....and it'll change because you want it to change. I think we all try to do as little as we can at first. Eventually we figure out though, that if you show up to the ocean with a thimble, you only get a thimble-full of water. Sooner or later, you'll want to bring a bucket, then a barrel, then a big 'ol water truck, and so on.
My great grand sponsor's more (in-?)famous line is: "If you want to get and stay.....sober AND happy...... you're going to have to do a lot of things you don't want to do." Hmmm......doing things I don't want to do to get happy. That sure was a new one on me. Give it a try though.....you'll see why that line has been proved over and over to him for the past 53 years in AA.
Finally.....it sounds like you like and respect your sponsor. It also sounds like he knows a thing or two about quality long-term sobriety. If he's giving you some suggestions, I'd suggest you follow what he say.........or you can just do it your-way and see if that works. If you choose the latter and it doesn't work.......just recognize that you were working your program, not the AA program.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
I quit with the help of AA,but I didn't exactly follow the program. I went twice a week for the first 6 months. There were times I went more,like if I had a really bad day. I couldn't have stopped without AA.
I had quit enough times in the past and failed,that I saw things coming I knew needed attention. When that happened it was time to get to a meeting. Sobriety has TOP priority. Nothing else matters. When I saw failure coming,a meeting reminded me of the reasons I needed to quit. It's amazing how our minds block out those reasons when we want to drink.
We all have to test the water. So if going to a meeting every day is really what is stopping you,then don't go every day. But it is most important to go and stick with it. You have to make sobriety the number one priority. Hanging around sober people,and people trying to get sober is what is needed at first. You know the saying."Misery loves company".
Being around people with the same goal will help keep you from feeling so overwhelmed.
Fred
I had quit enough times in the past and failed,that I saw things coming I knew needed attention. When that happened it was time to get to a meeting. Sobriety has TOP priority. Nothing else matters. When I saw failure coming,a meeting reminded me of the reasons I needed to quit. It's amazing how our minds block out those reasons when we want to drink.
We all have to test the water. So if going to a meeting every day is really what is stopping you,then don't go every day. But it is most important to go and stick with it. You have to make sobriety the number one priority. Hanging around sober people,and people trying to get sober is what is needed at first. You know the saying."Misery loves company".
Being around people with the same goal will help keep you from feeling so overwhelmed.
Fred
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by RM8675309
I'm 43/M. I've been a daily drinker for approximately 20 years. I'm a functional alcoholic and those that I've told I have an issue were shocked.
I have gone through a few short periods over the last year (all 10 days or less) where I haven't had a drink. I've had no withdrawal symptons, but I did have medication from my doctor in case I did experience them.
The last period I didn't drink was about a month ago. I was five days sober and had attended several AA meetings. I was talking to someone about being my sponsor and we agreed to meet to discuss. He is a long-term supporter of AA (25+ years). Our talk was very good. But at the end of it, he pushed the 90 meetings in 90 days and wanted me to get 2-3 service commitments. I walked away from it seeming so overwhelmed by it all. Here's why.
Besides dealing with my alcohol issue, I also know I need to get into a regular workout routine. Not only for all the health benefits, but also to help with stress. The AA meetings I've found to be helpful are in the evening after work. For me to get there, I need to leave shortly after 5 PM in order to ensure I get there for the 7 PM start. The meetings go until at least 8:15 PM and then I don't get home until about 9:15-9:30. To me, this leaves no time for life stuff - besides household chores, I do want to have a life outside of work and AA.
I do want to be rid of the pain the alcohol is causing. And, with there being multiple aspects of my life that need attention, I feel overwhelmed as to how to make them all happen.
Also, my doctor has prescribed Campral. Has anyone taken it? What was your experience?
Thank you in advance for your input.
I have gone through a few short periods over the last year (all 10 days or less) where I haven't had a drink. I've had no withdrawal symptons, but I did have medication from my doctor in case I did experience them.
The last period I didn't drink was about a month ago. I was five days sober and had attended several AA meetings. I was talking to someone about being my sponsor and we agreed to meet to discuss. He is a long-term supporter of AA (25+ years). Our talk was very good. But at the end of it, he pushed the 90 meetings in 90 days and wanted me to get 2-3 service commitments. I walked away from it seeming so overwhelmed by it all. Here's why.
Besides dealing with my alcohol issue, I also know I need to get into a regular workout routine. Not only for all the health benefits, but also to help with stress. The AA meetings I've found to be helpful are in the evening after work. For me to get there, I need to leave shortly after 5 PM in order to ensure I get there for the 7 PM start. The meetings go until at least 8:15 PM and then I don't get home until about 9:15-9:30. To me, this leaves no time for life stuff - besides household chores, I do want to have a life outside of work and AA.
I do want to be rid of the pain the alcohol is causing. And, with there being multiple aspects of my life that need attention, I feel overwhelmed as to how to make them all happen.
Also, my doctor has prescribed Campral. Has anyone taken it? What was your experience?
Thank you in advance for your input.
do you have a life now?
90 in 90 is only a suggestion, but if ya dont commit to sobriety and make getting sober the #1 priority on you life, you may not stop drinking.
the only way i could stop drinking, get sober and have a life outside ofAA was to make as many meetings as possible, which for me was more that 90 in 90. i was a wreck and the only thing i knew how to do was exist. AA taught me how to live, handle stresses of everyday life and be a productive member of society.
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
My experience is that different people need different things. Some need to throw themselves fully into a recovery program for a while and do nothing else; others don't use a program at all. So unfortunately, no one can really say what is right for you, only what worked for them. That's what I will do.
In my early days I did go to a recovery program but not every day, and I found exercise to be extremely helpful. My gym friends were, by and large, healthy people who didn't have addiction problems, and the exercise itself was fabulous for my mood and sense of well being. I do recall getting a lot of flak for that at the time; some folks insisted that I "had to" go to more meetings even though I was doing well.
So I guess the moral of the story is: each of us has to figure out how to walk this path. Others can give us their experience, but that's it...and I encourage you to take my own experience with that in mind as well as what anyone else tells you. You may find that you do need a meeting every day, and if you do, then do it. That is YOUR answer.
One more thing: you seem at this point to be limiting yourself to AA, but you might be interested to know that that particular recovery group is not your only option. I'm a member of SMART Recovery. There may be SMART meetings in your area, but even if there aren't there are at least two online SMART meetings each day. You may find that these fit your schedule better, and many people do both SMART and AA. Again, it's all about what works FOR YOU.
In my early days I did go to a recovery program but not every day, and I found exercise to be extremely helpful. My gym friends were, by and large, healthy people who didn't have addiction problems, and the exercise itself was fabulous for my mood and sense of well being. I do recall getting a lot of flak for that at the time; some folks insisted that I "had to" go to more meetings even though I was doing well.
So I guess the moral of the story is: each of us has to figure out how to walk this path. Others can give us their experience, but that's it...and I encourage you to take my own experience with that in mind as well as what anyone else tells you. You may find that you do need a meeting every day, and if you do, then do it. That is YOUR answer.
One more thing: you seem at this point to be limiting yourself to AA, but you might be interested to know that that particular recovery group is not your only option. I'm a member of SMART Recovery. There may be SMART meetings in your area, but even if there aren't there are at least two online SMART meetings each day. You may find that these fit your schedule better, and many people do both SMART and AA. Again, it's all about what works FOR YOU.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
90 meetings in 90 days came from the treatment centers who
think it takes that long to replace bad habits with good.
While many AA members agree that is a good plan...and follow
it...it really is not AA based...
Yes I do think meetings were vital early on I went to one daily
before I had to be at work. You might also look for noon meetings.
Never took the drug you mentioned...no expereince to share about it.
Welcome to our recovery community...
think it takes that long to replace bad habits with good.
While many AA members agree that is a good plan...and follow
it...it really is not AA based...
Yes I do think meetings were vital early on I went to one daily
before I had to be at work. You might also look for noon meetings.
Never took the drug you mentioned...no expereince to share about it.
Welcome to our recovery community...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
Originally Posted by onlythetruth
My experience is that different people need different things. Some need to throw themselves fully into a recovery program for a while and do nothing else; others don't use a program at all. So unfortunately, no one can really say what is right for you, only what worked for them.
I think OTT hit the ball out of the park, everyone does not have the same experience with any program. When someone tells you what worked for them that's all their really telling you, it doesn't mean that it's what you need. I used mostly mindfulness and this forum, would that work for everyone, of course it wouldn't.
Spirituality in my mind is a very individual thing. I doubt that there will ever be a one size fits all spiritual path, people and belief systems are all different. The path with heart is the one that works for you, nothing really that complicated about it. AA is a spiritual program, if you're looking for a spiritual path then it's a great choice. How far you wish to carry the spiritual side of the equation is also a very individual thing. Nothing is written in stone.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
There is no AA requirement for doing meetings as much as possible every single day. Meetings are there to enhance your recovery, be with a like-minded fellowship, and be of service to others in need. Put out of your mind that a certain number of meetings done as soon as possible makes any difference to the quality of your recovery. I'm speaking from decades of AA experience. AA sobriety is discovered in the 12 step program. That is where the wealth of happiness in sobriety is found.
You've already been to some AA meetings and met up with a guy who has offered to be your sponsor. Awesome. Feel free to not take him up on the 90 in 90. He may insist, and no matter, look for a different sponsor. He has a right to help you as he see's fit, and you have a right to get help as you see fit. Don't worry, not all AA sponsors require 90 in 90.
I agree your recovery must be first and foremost in your life as you get it all together. Still though, I've never agreed with becoming a slave to recovery, same as I was a slave to my addictions. Freedom is what we make it to be, is my experience. You've been given some awesome suggestions throughout the thread, and I hope you find your way thru for your own recovery.
You've already been to some AA meetings and met up with a guy who has offered to be your sponsor. Awesome. Feel free to not take him up on the 90 in 90. He may insist, and no matter, look for a different sponsor. He has a right to help you as he see's fit, and you have a right to get help as you see fit. Don't worry, not all AA sponsors require 90 in 90.
I agree your recovery must be first and foremost in your life as you get it all together. Still though, I've never agreed with becoming a slave to recovery, same as I was a slave to my addictions. Freedom is what we make it to be, is my experience. You've been given some awesome suggestions throughout the thread, and I hope you find your way thru for your own recovery.
Let go and Let God!
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 352
All you need to ask yourself is if you are willing to go to any lengths to get it? By working the steps you will learn to deal with life on life's terms. I wish you the best of luck in your recovery process.
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
I didn't do 90 meetings in 90 days and to be honest I don't remember if it was directly suggested to me or not.
The first time I met with my sponsor so that we could get to know each other I told her how overwhelmed I was. It was one of the things that kept me in the bottle. I had failed at so many things, especially when it came to stopping, that I was afraid how I would feel about myself when, not if, I failed at the 90 in 90. I felt like I would be setting myself up for failure. My sponsor didn't press it, I learned later that she did do 90 in 90, twice actually, because she missed one day. She shared her experience with me and told me it helped her. Then it was up to me to find what worked best for me. That's the way she works and that's what I needed. I am responsible for my recovery and my actions. Something I had to learn the hard way.
I did end up going to tons of meetings in the first 2 years. Usually two each day. It was because I just didn't know what else to do with myself. I had more free time than I realized I would. Taking care of my body was the least of my worries. It shows by the way. That's just what I needed at the time and it worked for me.
Today, I don't go to nearly as many meetings. Not because I don't want to but because I'm actually a productive member of society and I'm busy working and paying bills and trying to get a little rest in when I can. Since I got sober I started a family. My sobriety is a priority but I have others in my life as well. It's not all about me really applies to my life today.
The program of AA asks you to work the 12 steps, preferably with a sponsor. Meetings are not a requirement but they sure do help. AA does not require you to put the rest of your life on hold.
The fact is, some people that I see at meetings all the time, just don't have a life yet. I do not mean that in an offensive way. Just that they are still trying to get the fog cleared and become employable and stay employable. My bottom wasn't like that and I know I'm lucky.
Bottom line, because I'm rambling at this point and I apologize, I try to do what feels right for me and when I'm wrong, make adjustments.
With that said, I did plenty of things I didn't want to do to help my recovery. That includes getting a sponsor and working the steps. Who wants to have to do that crap? I did it because I had great examples in front of me showing what can happen if you take those steps. It's payed off 10 fold. I've never been happier.
Good luck to you RM8675309. I wish you all the best in your recovery!
The first time I met with my sponsor so that we could get to know each other I told her how overwhelmed I was. It was one of the things that kept me in the bottle. I had failed at so many things, especially when it came to stopping, that I was afraid how I would feel about myself when, not if, I failed at the 90 in 90. I felt like I would be setting myself up for failure. My sponsor didn't press it, I learned later that she did do 90 in 90, twice actually, because she missed one day. She shared her experience with me and told me it helped her. Then it was up to me to find what worked best for me. That's the way she works and that's what I needed. I am responsible for my recovery and my actions. Something I had to learn the hard way.
I did end up going to tons of meetings in the first 2 years. Usually two each day. It was because I just didn't know what else to do with myself. I had more free time than I realized I would. Taking care of my body was the least of my worries. It shows by the way.
That's just what I needed at the time and it worked for me.Today, I don't go to nearly as many meetings. Not because I don't want to but because I'm actually a productive member of society and I'm busy working and paying bills and trying to get a little rest in when I can. Since I got sober I started a family. My sobriety is a priority but I have others in my life as well. It's not all about me really applies to my life today.
The program of AA asks you to work the 12 steps, preferably with a sponsor. Meetings are not a requirement but they sure do help. AA does not require you to put the rest of your life on hold.
The fact is, some people that I see at meetings all the time, just don't have a life yet. I do not mean that in an offensive way. Just that they are still trying to get the fog cleared and become employable and stay employable. My bottom wasn't like that and I know I'm lucky.
Bottom line, because I'm rambling at this point and I apologize, I try to do what feels right for me and when I'm wrong, make adjustments.
With that said, I did plenty of things I didn't want to do to help my recovery. That includes getting a sponsor and working the steps. Who wants to have to do that crap? I did it because I had great examples in front of me showing what can happen if you take those steps. It's payed off 10 fold. I've never been happier.
Good luck to you RM8675309. I wish you all the best in your recovery!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by RM8675309
Besides dealing with my alcohol issue, I also know I need to get into a regular workout routine. Not only for all the health benefits, but also to help with stress. The AA meetings I've found to be helpful are in the evening after work. For me to get there, I need to leave shortly after 5 PM in order to ensure I get there for the 7 PM start. The meetings go until at least 8:15 PM and then I don't get home until about 9:15-9:30. To me, this leaves no time for life stuff - besides household chores, I do want to have a life outside of work and AA.
Been there friend, I get it...
I am here to tell you that it all worked out for me, I found balance...
I go to two-three meetings a week, I will take a coffee commitment, I will chair meetings when asked, I do some, not a lot, but some, 12 step work outside meetings, I post a lot on SR...
I go to work everyday, I am a boy scout leader and I try to ride my bike at least an hour 5 days out of 7... I also like to go fishing. Skiing in the winter
Now that I am not busy drinking, taking pills, sleeping off the last bender, making excuses, all that.... I have plenty of time to do the things I love AND go to AA meetings and work the program... I am incredibly blessed and fortunate to have the life I do. I am happy.
Would I be able to say that if I didn't do all that I did, I don't know, but I did do all that... and... It worked.
Try it!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 209
I found Campral totally ineffective.
Also, I am not an AA person. You do need to set your priorities regarding your sobriety. You need to stop drinking and figure out how to support that decision. The rest of life, like regular work outs, will fall into place. Sobriety is the starting point.
Also, I am not an AA person. You do need to set your priorities regarding your sobriety. You need to stop drinking and figure out how to support that decision. The rest of life, like regular work outs, will fall into place. Sobriety is the starting point.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Oregon
Posts: 2
Thank you to everyone who has responded. I really appreciate it. I have since found a new counselor and have set weekly meetings with him. Tuesday will be our first full session and we'll begin working on a plan. I need structure and from our initial "get to know eachother" session, his approach sounds like one that will work for me.
Thank you all again.
Thank you all again.
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Originally Posted by RM8675309
Thank you to everyone who has responded. I really appreciate it. I have since found a new counselor and have set weekly meetings with him. Tuesday will be our first full session and we'll begin working on a plan. I need structure and from our initial "get to know eachother" session, his approach sounds like one that will work for me.
Thank you all again.
Thank you all again.
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