SSIL75

No. I am beyond done w alcohol

thisisme

I would sooner open the gates of hell.

BruceJ

Nope...not me.

Its easy to forget the sure path of hopelessness that would accompany me drinking again.....I don't want that anxiety, depression, guilt, and ugliness anymore.

foodie1

In my first few months of sobriety I used to fantasize about drinking when I was older, maybe when I retired. I still wasn't at peace with sobriety and thought drinking would make my golden years better. I'd give AA and sobriety a shot for now.

But as the months went on and I got happier, more even-keeled, well-adjusted, slept better, ate better, wanted to exercise, took up new hobbies, began to love myself and appreciate those around me, grew my spiritual connection, got a raise at work for a job well done, improved my marriage, got closer to my family and realized that for the first time ever I was glad to be alive...the idea of drinking again sounded pretty awful.

catdaddy

You're exactly right!

773niki

I hear what you are saying for sure - the whole, "maybe one day" fiasco. When I first got sober in August 2010 (after a stint in rehab) I was sure I wouldn't drink again. That feeling soon wore off. That was the first time I even tried to stop drinking and I got through 121 days. Then I drank, just bought a half pint, thought it would be a one time deal.

Low and behold, the past 2 years have been an "on/off the wagon charade."

I've tried and failed to drink normally PLENTY of times over the past 2 years. It gets depressing always letting yourself down. For some reason, I cannot drink like a normal person. I will drink again in the morning because I hate hangovers...so I will extend everything until I can't not drink without withdrawal symptoms. It's a sick cycle.

So, to answer your question - i think it's normal to think like you are thinking and I also think it is normal to try it, especially if this is your first time trying to stay sober. But, I'll tell you one thing, if you are anything like me, it just does not work.

NYCDoglvr

I only focus on not drinking today! We're powerless over the past and future, our only power is in today.

onlythetruth

My commitment is to never drink again, and I have no desire to break that commitment. And why would I want to? Life is much better without alcohol to mess it up.

Kellye C

Short answer: NO!!

Long answer: I made a promise to myself in August of 2004 as I was going through very intense withdrawals that this was the last time I ever had to go through this unless I CHOSE TO. When I got sober I was so physically addicted that I couldn't go more than a couple of hours without a drink before I started to get desperate for a drink, obsess about where my next drink would come from, shake all over, throw up and start having MAJOR anxiety. I was in a hell of my own making and was terrified that I wouldn't be able to stop.

It was that thought that I held onto while my body was in agony and my brain kept screaming that all I had to do was take a drink and I would feel instantly better. I can recall those thoughts and feelings even today and NEVER want to live through them again.

To me it is pretty simple, if I drink then I pick up where I left off. Where I left off was a constant merry go round featuring withdrawals / blackouts / fear and desperation / hiding my drinking from my family (ha, that was a joke, there was no hiding it) / constant liver pain and evidence of kidney damage. At the rate I was going I wasn't going to be alive much longer or with so much organ damage that I would wish for an end.

So today I can easily say that NO, I hope I never take a drink again.

Pondlady

No......I feel like I've dodged a bullet by quitting.

RobbyRobot

I felt that way many times, and those feelings, left unchecked, always led me back to drinking. Early days without alcohol is a good beginning, and perhaps you can see that your ideas about future drinking are really ideas about having some more present drinking. Why would any one go ten years sans-alcohol, then drink, then just quit again sometime after, as a plan to live a sober life? Where really does that strong peace come from if you can give up what you have, to just want it back again?

Worried about never drinking again is a self-created distraction which will only get you back to drinking well before any ten years is up, imo.

Have you already been sober a length of time, and you already know you'll drink again based on your past experiences?

You're thinking with an alcoholic mind, imo.

Matterhorn

I have been good for a year, except I did test the water 2 months ago. I bought a six of 16oz Bud and drank it...now I know why I stopped drinking. In the old days, this would be nothing. I woke up hungover and disoriented with my surroundings. I was partially blind in my left eye for about 30 minutes...I never experienced this before. Towards the end of the day I threw up. All in all it wasn't worth going back to the well. The beer didn't taste good...it made me wonder how I ever drank the stuff in the first place. For those thinking of the good times and wanting to go back for a short visit...don't do it. Being sober is so much better. The memories of all the fun is very misleading...we forget about all the hell that came with that fun.

freshstart57

There are a couple of ways of looking at this idea that we can someday drink again. I think we all of us either get these flashes or images in our minds, or can remember having them.I hear our shared 'monkey', our beast, the noise we know too well as our Alcoholic Voice. Early in my sobriety, the second day maybe, I decided that this voice was not me. I could recognize it by its smell, the way it stank. This stench permeated any thought of ever drinking again, and any thought that I was not able to get and stay sober, that I was powerless, had that same rank odor.

All of this stinkin' thinkin' went into the same stinking pile, and I had to recoil from these thoughts, I separated myself from them. In this way, they lost all their power over me. I even learned to smile and smirk at them in pity.

This separating from the AV is second nature to me now in the same way that the smallest whiff of a skunk immediately lets me identify it, recognize it and steer well clear.

Too bad for my monkey, it's all over for you now.

Soberween

I actually know several recovering alcoholics who said that when they retire around age 65 that they plan on drinking again. I've also noticed that the longer they are in recovery, the more this idea of drinking again at age 65 has diminished. I just figured they were following the "One Day at a Time" motto to a fault.