shanti83

Just curious about a conversation my husband and I had about my drinking. I'm pretty certain this is what set my wheels turning about the possibility of being able to drink again.

I can't remember which came first - my expressed desire to be able to enjoy a drink (or toke) with him on occasion or his expressed desire for me to be able to. (For the record, he does not have a substance abuse problem.) Either way it led to him telling me that while I can't take that risk now, as a mom of a young child, perhaps once they go off to college I can try. That way if it was a bad idea I can stop again and they won't have to be affected by it.

Typing this out makes it seem a little bit like crazy talk. Is this absolutely insane? Of course, I want to be able to imbibe normally, but I feel like the prospect of such possibilities (even in the FAR off future) forces my brain to ask "then why not now"? In fact, if I'm being honest - it pretty much consumed my thoughts for a couple days while I prepared to ask my husband "why not now?" to which he basically said "no".

Does anyone have a similar situation or have some thoughts to shed upon me?

flutter

It is insane, and non alcoholics cannot understand it. I've been sober for a few years, and my husband STILL says "maybe someday on vacation" or things like that. I pretty much just shake my head at him and move on with my day, he'll never understand the addiction piece..and I don't expect him to.

Ranger

A few years ago I atended a mtg that was chaired by a fiftysomething who'd had a drinking problem in her early 20s. Upon starting a family, she managed to assume the actions and appearances of a normie and maintain "control" for the beter part of two decades. What happened after her children left home is no great mystery since I've already mentioned she was chairing meetings as of a couple years ago.

For me, active alcoholism will always be just a drink away. Fortunately, my spouse trusts me on this. I hope yours also develops this trust over time.

Congratulations on the best decision of your life, by the way!

CarolD

I had a friend who vowed he would not drink again until he
was 50....by the time he got that old...he figured ..

"Not yet..it's not important .....maybe next week" ...
He died sober at 63.

oakwood

That sounds like pure crazy talk to my addled brain.

That reminds me of a time when I was still drinking and my husband was having "the talk" with me. I knew I had much more than just a problem - I was full-blown. Anyway, my husband said something along the lines of, "Well, it's ok to have a few drinks sometimes, just don't get so drunk." Even then, I just knew in my head that wouldn't be the solution for me. There is no way I could do that. The only way for me is to not drink - ANYTHING, ANYTIME.

I think sometimes he was in more denial than I was...

The possibility of moderation in the future? Not for this one, I don't think.

Mark75

It's not something I talk much about with her... she has her one drink every evening, late, before bed... I drink all the diet coke I want too... we do just fine.

There are a lot of reasons I don't let her "in" with regards to recovery and all... some of them are pretty damn complicated and I am still trying to sort them all out, even at nearly 4 years... but the main one is, she doesn't want "in" ... she's just happy to have me lucid, predictable and sleeping well...

Deserto

I don't know if it's crazy talk, but it definitely sounds like my addictive voice.

What really leaped out at me in your post was the line "it pretty much consumed my thoughts for a couple days."

People who can drink moderately and socially don't think about drinking for several days.

oakwood

I don't think my husband wants "in" either. And I'm more than ok with that because if he were involved I know he would start telling me how to do it, how I should/shouldn't feel, react, etc.

Nope, I'm keeping this journey all to myself, gladly. It's tough, but it's also pleasurable at the same time.

Yeah, he's just happy to have me sober - the other stuff doesn't matter.

sugarbear1

I spent many years with just a toke and a drink.... then it all changed.....

Jfanagle

I have been telling myself that I am absolutely free to have a drink tomorrow. Been doing that for the past 13 years and my bigger problem is that I am an inveterate procrastinator!

Quitting for good just wasn't an idea I could embrace so this has been my answer when anyone asks, "So you can never have another drink?"

Happier

I had 9 months one time and 3 months the other before I asked my wife if she thought it would be ok for me to have a drink or two. Very bad idea in my case and a very bad situation in which to put her. She has no addiction issues and little to no knowledge about them. There is no way she could understand or relate to my situation. Bottom line is that in each case, I moderated for a few weeks but was quickly right back to the bad place that I always fall down to.

I'm sure she wouldn't think it is a good idea this time which is fine with me. I do not intend to ever make her have to worry about it again. I totally agree with the concept of spouses not necessarily needing to be "in". My drinking has caused enough issues that I don't care to have my recover causing any additional stress. I much prefer that she never need to even notice, worry, or think about it. The only way I can ensure that is to not drink.

Just my $0.02 worth. Wishing you the best with your journey.

candi7

This reminded me of a life story my friend shared with me. Of this man who stopped drinking and decided that he would pick back up when he retired.. Alcoholism being the progressive disease that it is, he picked up drinking where he left off, the cravings lead him to pick up drinking the same volume he did at the younger age and he drank himself to death shortly after. I've heard story after story like this... How can a body, that has already recovered physically be able to handle that much alcohol??? It can't.. But once you take that first drink, that craving returns and you just never know if you'll be able to pull out of it! Why take the chance?

shanti83

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the shared experience and insight.

NYCDoglvr

Alcoholism is called the disease of insanity for a good reason After 20 years I still get crazy thoughts in my head. For example, I hadn't smoked in 15 years but had a few when I visited a friend who did. Later, I realized I hadn't thought about smoking since returning home ........ My next thought was I should go out and buy a pack of cigarettes. Of course that kicked off an obsession with smoking. When I first got sober I couldn't believe folks in the program said I couldn't drink on a plane! It's in the sky and it doesn't count.

I just don't drink TODAY. That's how I stay sober.