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Having a hard time with committing to sobriety!

Old 08-21-2012, 05:51 AM
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Having a hard time with committing to sobriety!

I posted this on the class of August forum. But I am reposting it here because I could really use some advice/insight on how other people quit. I recently attended a SMART recovery meeting. I drove 40 miles back and forth because there wasn't one in Miami and I really wanted to try an alternative to AA. Sadly, I was dissapointed. Even the moderator seemed tired and unmotivated. It was a small group and all they basically did was whine. I went home and drank. I now feel I should just find a local AA meeting and stick to it. However, after reading Rational Recovery I feel afraid I will become dependent on meeting forever. I don't know what to do. I am not sure I agree with the author's point of view.
I have had some sober weeks but they are few and far between. My main problem is I have no supprt.
I have noticed that every month around the time I am going to get my period I drink excessively and I cannot control it. I notice the change in my mood and the shift in my relationship with my daughter right away. I work as a nurse in a high school and school just started yesterday. I have to be up at 5:50 and at wor by 7:20 and send my daughter off on the bus to her high school by 6:20. You would have thought I would not have drank Sunday night but I did. 5 little bottles of sutter home which is more than a bottle. I felt sick and tired yesterday when I got home and had to nap. Yesterday I also had the same amount. It is like I sabotage myself. I don't think long term like how I am going to feel the next day. I just seek the immediate gratification. I guess because I feel I have no partner and no other source of pleasure or social life. I know I should enjoy the little things bla bla. I have read many spiritual books and been involved in courses, retreats, workshops etc. I have also had psychotherapy, meds, etc. I take pills as well. Sometimes I feel like I am losing touch with relaity. it is very scary. But the bottom line is I am in a rut and I am just making it worse by continuing to drink. I don't know if I am going to be joining the September class. I feel like I am just setting myself up for failure. I so wish I didn not have to decide every day whether to drink or not. I wish I could just be normal.
I am sorry for the long post but I feel I have no one to talk to about my feelings and I needed to vent.
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Old 08-21-2012, 06:09 AM
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Your pain and unhappiness come through quite clear in your post, Violet. You are stuck on the fence. Drinking isn't making you happy, quitting scares you.

I know how difficult change is. I spent years and years "thinking" about quitting. All the while my "drinking" got worse. Finally I quite thinking about it and quit.

My life has never been better. Commit. Go to AA if that is what it takes. Being worried about meetings and becoming dependent on them is a weak argument your addiction is telling you. Even if it was true, is it worse than being dependant on alcohol? No matter what recovery method you choose, you will have to work at it daily. You drink daily, you might as well do something every day to keep from drinking.

Don't waste the years you could be sober mired in drinking and feeling sorry for yourself like I did.
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Old 08-21-2012, 06:13 AM
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Since there is physiological component and a clear pattern to your drinking maybe you need to try therapy with a qualified psychologist or social worker. It would give you support and your skill at reading your own behavior would be put to good use.

Rejecting AA on the basis of a hypothetical fear of becoming dependent on it and SmartRecovery on the basis of one meeting is silly. There are plenty of good reasons to reject AA, SmartRecovery etc. but the ones you give here are not. It sounds like even you know that. If support is important to you, these are great possible resources.

We have all been where you are now. I know it is a miserable place, but your generalized discomfort is simply growing pains. Your ability to articulate what is bothering you is important and I think will be a great help to your recovery.
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Old 08-21-2012, 07:11 AM
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Thanks

Originally Posted by doggonecarl View Post
Your pain and unhappiness come through quite clear in your post, Violet. You are stuck on the fence. Drinking isn't making you happy, quitting scares you.

I know how difficult change is. I spent years and years "thinking" about quitting. All the while my "drinking" got worse. Finally I quite thinking about it and quit.

My life has never been better. Commit. Go to AA if that is what it takes. Being worried about meetings and becoming dependent on them is a weak argument your addiction is telling you. Even if it was true, is it worse than being dependant on alcohol? No matter what recovery method you choose, you will have to work at it daily. You drink daily, you might as well do something every day to keep from drinking.

Don't waste the years you could be sober mired in drinking and feeling sorry for yourself like I did.

Your message really hit home. You are so right. I have wasted the latter half of my 30's drinking. I need to replace my habit with something positive that actually gives me pleasure and like you siad work at it daily. I am going to go to an AA meeting and give it a fair chance. Maybe find a good sponsor. I am mentally drained and exhausted which is a great excuse to just go home and do nothing. But I know what that will lead to. Thank you for your advice.
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Old 08-21-2012, 07:16 AM
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AA was the support that I needed to deal with a problem that I had long been aware of. I did not like AA at the beginning and over the years I have been very grateful for the support and introspection that attending meetings and having a sponsor and really taking the steps gave me.

I attend meetings sporadically when I know I need to tune up my life and my thinking. I practice the precepts of AA in my life, but by no means am I "addicted" to meetings for meetings sake. I know many long term sober members of AA who I respect and lean on when I need a "second opinion" just as I do with peers in business and in my personal life with close friends.

It has been quite awhile since I had a drink and more importantly since I thought alcohol would make anything in my life better. AA like anything else is not THE answer for me, but it is one of them. I can only speak to how this has worked for me and is not intended as a recommendation to others.

I hope my experience will help you in making your decision. Best of luck regardless of which path you choose. I am glad you are confronting your issue that was the hardest part of sobriety for me.

Good luck,
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Old 08-21-2012, 07:21 AM
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I would suggest trying to stick with AA. I have never known a recovered person in AA who is dependent on meetings. A recovered individual in AA enjoys going to meetings because they can be of service there. They want to be at meetings. I love attending meetings becuase I have a purpose there. Ive also been shown my purpose outside of AA as well. Dependence upon meetings or anything human is the opposite of what the 12 steps are designed for.

Wish you the best!
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Old 08-21-2012, 07:25 AM
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Originally Posted by violetflame View Post
I am mentally drained and exhausted which is a great excuse to just go home and do nothing. But I know what that will lead to.
That's the best time to go to a meeting. When I really don't want to do something in my recovery, I know I need to do it.
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Old 08-21-2012, 08:07 AM
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Honestly when I feel exhausted and mentally drained is when I get the most out of AA. I walk in empty and leave full. It just is a relief to around people like me who have struggled like me. For today, the obsession to drink has lifted so that I don't feel like I have to make a daily decision to drink or not. When I wake up, I do ask my HP to help me not take a drink today. But it's not something I wrestle with. I don't drink. period. I have thoroughly accepted that that is no longer a choice for me. It is truly a relief.
I hope you are able to make peace with that reality also. Whether it's in AA or Smart Recovery or here at SR makes no matter. Keep trying until something clicks.
Jennikate
P.S. I have premenstrual dysphoric disorder so I know where you are coming from on that point. That's when I really have to step up my game. More journalling, exercise, meditation and a lot of positive self talk.
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Old 08-21-2012, 08:17 AM
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Originally Posted by jennikate View Post
I don't drink. period. I have thoroughly accepted that that is no longer a choice for me. It is truly a relief.
Actually feeling that brought such a profound freedom. I understood intellectually that I had a problem for a while, but finally accepting that I can never drink or use again was so freeing.
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Old 08-21-2012, 08:26 AM
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Instead of making it about committing to sobriety why don't you turn it around to be creating a better future for yourself?

If you can sober up for a while you will see how miserable the addiction has been making you. Go to AA if that is what it takes. I went to a meeting last week and everyone was nice. Alcohol makes you depressed, I think you will be happier in the long run without it!

good luck
-z
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Old 08-21-2012, 08:46 AM
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Originally Posted by ZiggyB View Post
Instead of making it about committing to sobriety why don't you turn it around to be creating a better future for yourself?

If you can sober up for a while you will see how miserable the addiction has been making you. Go to AA if that is what it takes. I went to a meeting last week and everyone was nice. Alcohol makes you depressed, I think you will be happier in the long run without it!

good luck
-z
That is a great way to look at it. when i say commited to sobriety it sounds like a job. lol. and my gemini nature loves to challenge any rules or authority so i am sabotaging myself. making it into a positive " creating a better future" sounds more doable and light. and its true. when i don't drink i feel the difference in my moods and my outlook immediately. Thanks
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Old 08-21-2012, 09:40 AM
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Originally Posted by violetflame View Post
That is a great way to look at it. when i say commited to sobriety it sounds like a job. lol. and my gemini nature loves to challenge any rules or authority so i am sabotaging myself. making it into a positive " creating a better future" sounds more doable and light. and its true. when i don't drink i feel the difference in my moods and my outlook immediately. Thanks
You're welcome... good luck!
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Old 08-21-2012, 11:14 AM
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In early sobriety I did go daily to AA because I figured they
were like classrooms for learning how to improve my life...

Now I go to 2 or so weekly...because I enjoy seeing others who
are finding their solution
Walking talking miracles are there each time...

My AA friendships are vital as is my daily connection to God.
I have no plans to cease either of these awesome contacts.

Yes..living in the AA Steps is what the program is based on

Blessings to you and your daughter
All my best as you explore whatever you choose...
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Old 08-21-2012, 11:17 AM
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ZiggyB ...
Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum
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Old 08-21-2012, 11:28 AM
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People get so hung up on AA meeting dependancy.

I think CarolD says it pretty succinctly. IN the beginning meetings are a life line to get you sober and teach you to stay that way. They then become a place where you can talk to people that think pretty much like you, or at the very least they understand where you been.

I started off going to meetings because I had to and then realized that I liked going to meetings because I could
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Old 08-21-2012, 12:09 PM
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Originally Posted by violetflame View Post
However, after reading Rational Recovery I feel afraid I will become dependent on meeting forever.
To some extent that may be correct. Once you get through the Steps and have yourself fairly squared away, AA does suggest that you have to give it away to keep it by helping other alcoholics who are still suffering, and meetings are the best place to find them. Of course helping people online is fine, but if you primarily find sobriety through AA meetings and people you meet there, then it's a good idea to give back the same way, just my opinion and experience.

I don't look at it as something I grudgingly have to do, but it's also kind of like if I want the relationship to work with my girlfriend I do have to spend some regular quality time with her, our relationship depends on it. That's my view on it...
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Old 08-21-2012, 12:12 PM
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When i say commited to sobriety it sounds like a job. Making it into a positive " creating a better future" sounds more doable and light.
VioletFlame, I agree with you 100%. The idea of changing so that something good happens is so much more appealing to me than changing so that something bad doesn't get any worse. I think that we are hardwired to be able to use our natural resolve to do good things for ourselves, and less to be able to resist doing bad things to ourselves.

30 Great Reasons to Quit Drinking Alcohol

I liked this list so much that I added some things of my own. I had this plan in my mind to quit so that when I stopped and stayed stopped, I could have these things again in my life. Carrying this list with me was pretty handy during that first week or three of sobriety so that I could look at it whenever things got panicky. It might help you too.
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Old 08-21-2012, 07:20 PM
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any way i look at it, i am just glad yer doin something to stop drinking.
as the others have said, meetings were very important for me early on. i didnt have a clue how to live and was scared crapless of drinking. i knew if i drank, there was a high probability that i would kill myself.
today i still hit at least 2 meetings a week. i went to 2 meetings today alone. i did it for the same reasons dr bob says:
1) sense of duty
2) its a pleasure
3)because in doing so i am paying my debt to the people that took time to pass it on to me.
4) every time i go i take out a little more insurance for myself against a possible slip.

my life doesnt revolve around meetings today. it involves them. i have become an active, useful member of society.
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Old 08-22-2012, 05:43 AM
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Good Morning All, Well today is going to definately be day 1 for me again. Yesterday was a rough day. I was very stressed out and exhausted from lack of sleep and pain all over my body. I dropped off my daughter (17) at office max to buy her school supplies while I did some errands. During said errands ,I ended up buying 3 small bottles of sutter home. I felt guilty but my PMDD and lack of sleep took over me . I usu can drink this amount and be ok but I guess my exhaustion and the fact I drank them in a 2 hour time span between 4:30 and 6:30 did not help. I picked her up and on the way home we stopped to check the mail and she asked me "Why are you talking like that?" I immediately panicked. "Talking how?" I responded. " You're slurring".. she answered. I immediately defended by saying I had gotten no sleep the night before and was completely exhausted. I don't know if she bought it or not. But it sobered me up and I did not buy any more wine. I forced myself to eat a sub I had bought, finished some laundry, and lied down. I also signed her school forms for the new school year. I ended up lying down and having to take a sleeping pill at 10 and not falling asleep till 12. I did sleep better last night and woke up less foggy. This is mainly because I drank 3 small bottles instead of the 4 or 5 I had been having since Sunday night. I can't stand this anymore. It is like this spirit takes over me at around 5pm and I see red. I can't see past the gratification of that first drink. But yesterday was another wake up call. Even though it was a short distance we could have been stopped or in an accident. The fact that I was slurring probably meant I was already drunk and didn't realize it. I do not want to keep on giving this example to my daughter! I am just sick of doing the same thing and getting worse and worse results. I am going to try to force myself to exercise today and meditate if I can't get to a meeting. I apoligize for the long post. I am started to rely more and more on SR and the support and PM's I have been receiving have really helped me.
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