badlydrawngirl

I don't know how I've managed to keep it a secret for as long as I have but my best friends, family, and even my boyfriend doesn't know that I am a closet alcoholic...My boyfriend goes to sleep around 11 and that's when I'd start drinking.. but I work from home, and he goes out to work, so he never really finds out.. I hate being this sneaky.. I am starting AA this Friday at 6.. I have to tell him... I just don't know what to do... some advice please?!?

Thumpers

Since getting a sponsor is recommended to do right away, you may want to do that and she can guide you through it the way she thinks is best, especially if you have negative reaction from someone or they try to say you aren't that bad, you'll have someone to support you and help you with the next step.

I can't think of any advice other than just come out with it, I didn't have that problem since I was openly drinking too much from the start as a teenager and everyone knew it, and they were all happy to see me get help, even my drinking friends.

Sapling

I agree....You don't have to make a big announcement....You know if there is a problem or not...It doesn't matter what others think...In my case they all knew. The best way to tell them is with results...And that comes with action....Good for you for making a change....I know I'm glad I did.

tomsteve

here's my own opinion: yes, honesty i important. i dont feel it would be good to start a life of recovery by lieing or hiding the truth. one common denominator to solid relationships( and solid recovery) is honesty. so, do you want to start the road to recovery with a lie? IMO, i feel sitting down with your boyfriend and telling him exactly what has been going on and what you are going to do to get help would be a great way to start on the road.
as for friends and family, give that time.

or, you can make up some fabricated story why you have to leave the house and let that snowball into what you are starting to getaway from.

Sudz No More

You don't have to make it this really serious sit down and talk. Just simply say sort of matter of fact during a normal conversation that you don't drink alcohol anymore. It will likely start a more in depth conversation and just tell him that you get carried away when you start so you want to quit completely. From there, it should be an easy conversation to discuss more freely. If you start in all dramatic with this big announcement it will make it more difficult to discuss.

flutter

I never felt the desire or need to make announcements..but if you feel you need to tell him (or anyone) why you're going to AA or doing other things to assist in your recovery, why not a "I was having a hard time with alcohol, and I quit drinking. I feel like I need some help, so I'm going to _____".

mfsteve1

I told my wife I was going to a meeting an would be back in a few hours. That's all I've ever told her about what's going on. It's my thing. For this to work I have to own it and not share it. Plus, this terse approach can be considered payback for every time I've heard her say, "I don't want to talk about it".

TorontoGuy28

Tell him and your family/friends when you are ready to do so..

At this point, only concentrate on getting better !

Good luck and keep posting !

easyrider73

My guess is they already know. I was 'hiding' my drinking for years but in reality everyone knew..

FredG

My biggest support comes from my other half. That being said the only other one that I consider it a manditory that he know is my Doctor.

But its also like EasyRider said, there's a better than even chance that they know. When I drank, I didn't do it in a closet (that I remember) and was rarely quiet about it

Mindjask

Denial is a powerful thing isn't it?

CarolD

All my friends were also at best excessive drinkers.
When I said I was heading into a sober life via AA
my place was now a no alcohol zone....
most thought I had lost my mind. They drifted away

Which gave me time to make new sober friends who shared
my goal and supported my decision...

I lived 900 miles from my non drinking gfamily who were
unaware of how awful alcohol was making me feel
They had not seen me in years...we were a "phone" family

When I mentioned I had quit and was in AA...Mom asked
"That's nice...did you go to church this morning?"

My point is...you just never know how others will react
but for me...I wanted no secrets anymore about my drinking.

All my best as you move forward..

ZiggyB

My exbf thought I didn't know about his secret drinking, I definitely knew but was afraid of rocking the boat.

When I did rock the boat we broke up...

CarolD

Ziggy....
Thanks for jogging my memory.

My still drinking lover had been around for 5 years.
We were not planning marriage ..we did not live together
No children were involved...finances were separate.

He supported the idea that I was getting sober..tho not
interested in that for himself
I had changed the dynamics ..he missed the party hardy woman.

We no longer had much in common...and the sober me found a lot
to dislike ..we parted.

He survived...and I've thrived.

Not all loves are forever and some turn toxic.
Glad to know you are moving forward....

ZiggyB

Thanks for this, Carol
Alcohol was definitely the biggest issue in our relationship, sad the way it rips people apart.

But at the end of the day, you can't make other people's choices for them. And I'm glad to hear you're thriving!

onlythetruth

At the start I found that telling my closest family and friends was helpful to me, because it helped me maintain my commitment. It was like closing the door. I felt that if no one knew I was quitting, there would be no accountability.

My husband already knew (he'd caught me) but I approached and told my mother and my best friends within a couple of days of my decision. It was hard, but I managed to choke out the words.

I have to say I was a bit shocked by the reaction I got. I was really good at hiding, so good that some of the people I told did not believe me. My very best friend actually argued with me, but then called back later to apologize and tell me that she realized I'd never tell her something like that if it wasn't true.

Anyway, this only applied to my very closest friends. I quickly realized that others did not need to know and that in general, the world requires no explanation about our decision to quit drinking any more than they require an explanation of our sex lives or other personal information.