Pock89

I got my 3 month chip on Thursday...and on Sunday, I went out to a restaurant and drank 4 jack and cokes. Chugged them is more like it. I think I kind of made up my mind I was going to drink a couple of days before it happened.
I thought that if I drank again, once the glass hit my lips, the world would explode and everything would come crashing down around me...but nothing really happened. I got a good buzz and went home. And I haven't drank today and I don't really want to.
I don't want to tell anyone. I'm going to a meeting tonight, and I really don't feel like going up for my 24 hour chip. I feel guilty but at the same time, I don't.

I just don't know what to do. I don't feel as bad or as guilty as I thought I would....

candi7

You should be at least honest with your sponsor... if you don't have one, get one...

MyTimeNow

I don't do AA, but I do believe in - to thine own self be true.

Well done on the 3 months. It sounds to me like your heart isn't in the program you are following though. I'd also be wary that things have gone ok this time chugging down JD and coke, for me personally though, and from experience - that's a green light to do it again. And again. And probably again until it does go horribly wrong.

It's your call and your journey.

easyrider73

Many, many times I was suckered into that false sense that I can drink normally..It starts out with drinking a few and skipping a day,then I think hey I can drink normal, before you know it I'm on a 5 day bender and a 100 dollars lighter in the wallet..

FredG

My opinion ... The ONLY way it will work, is with honesty. But its not with the people at the meeting that you need to be the most honest with. It's yourself.

If you don't really feel guilty, and think that what you did isn't an issue, then maybe you need to go back out and try some more Jacks and Cokes. Personally I know that I have at least one more drunk in me ... I just don't know if I've got another morning that I'll wake up.

Jfanagle

I am confused by your post? Are you happy that the world didn't crash around you? If that is the case and you are comfortable with the outcome then perhaps you don't have a problem with alcohol, if so why would you want to go back to an AA meeting?

I agree that those without an alcohol problem have no reason to discuss their consumption with anyone. Therefore I see no logical reason to be concerned about who knows, frankly why would anyone care. I believe that your quandary exists because you are thinking about going into an environment where alcohol consumption IS a concern.

From where I sit your question about sharing your drinking comes from attending an AA meeting. Like I told myself a few years ago, "I was just a hard drinker until I went to AA. Those meetings are what made me an alcoholic!"

Hope it all works out just the way you want it to.

Jon

Pock89

What I meant by that is, when I was in active addiction before, my world was upside down, I was broken, and everything around me was broken. And for some reason, I thought that if I ever drank again, everything would fall apart. But when I did drink yesterday, it was fine. I didn't get arrested, I didn't go crazy and get into a big argument with a random person, I didn't black out.
I know I need to stay sober. Maybe this was just a slip up. I've already hit bottom, I don't want to do it again. But then of course, I sit here and think that because I'm not craving alcohol today, I can control it and this time will be different...

2granddaughters

This is a good lesson for you....

We have free will, we can do what we want .... we just have to pay for it.

I pray you'll do the right thing and this time mark your L.D. date in INK... press real hard.

All the best.

Bob R

Freedom1990

When I drank again after 4 years in recovery, my experience was the same as yours in that I had no big "event/consequence" happen with that first time.

I also "thought" after that one time, I'd just jump right back into AA again. That was the addict driving the bus in my head before I ever picked up the first drink.

I was extremely blessed to only have been active for two months before I was able to get back into recovery.

It was also so much harder the second time around. It was like the disease was wrapped around my brain stem and did NOT want me to get and stay sober/clean again. I have no doubt in my mind that to relapse again is death for me.

I have watched many over the years who are sober for a good period of time and they drink again, never to come back. There are also those who continue to relapse over and over after that first drink of the original relapse. They have crossed that invisible line where sobriety is no longer attainable.

It took me two years after getting sober again to forgive myself and really start moving forward.

Sending you hugs of support!

MyTimeNow

I know this feeling! I think we all do.

My last binge pretty much started with a few beers in the sunshine, paddling pool out, having a great time with the kids... and it was. A great time. I didn't feel guilty about it at all (much) So... I thought I could do it again, and again and... you know how this story goes Luckily I hauled myself back in after less than 2 weeks, and it makes me really sad and very aware after seeing posts on here that it could have been 2 years.

It is completely up to you. If you want to go another 3 months, get your 6 month chip then down a few JD and cokes... who am I to judge? But be wary... and I think you know this deep down... One ok night of drinking (a lot less than you used to?) does not a 'normal' drinker make.

Only you can decide. For me, whatever program I follow, I know I need to be honest with myself and know that I'll easily be back to square one in thinking - well that wasn't so bad! That's just me though and I'd hate to see anybody in that turmoil. I wish you all the best

NewHouse2012

Just because it didn't happen this time doesn't mean it won't happen again my friend. That's a mind game I play quite frequently too. No offense, just saying.

Jeni26

I guess it's easier for me to resist. I was never interested in just one or two to be sociable. I only drank to get totally and utterly wasted. No need to test that, I just know it!x

bbthumper

Get back up and try again. You can do it.

2 suggestions..

1) get that 24 hour chip. You will be greeted with love and respect and nothing else. Relapse is part of untreated alcoholism. It happened to many of us.

2) Work the steps with a sponsor. Aso soon as possible. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.

Best wishes to you.

BruceJ

I was sober for about 10 years...went down to New Orleans operating clean-up equipment after Katrina. It was hot, mosquitoes, miserable and the guys I stayed with had a beautiful iced-down case of beer ready every night.
I eventually gave in and had one...that's all. I started having one or two in the evenings before dinner. It was totally relaxing....a few months later I was back up to the point I had been before I ever sobered up.

If one can moderate successfuly, like normal people can, go for it. Best of luck. But speaking for myself and remembering what happens, it would be absolute insanity for me to take another sip.

All the best...please be honest with yourself.

I agree with Jeni, I never wanted to just drink one or two....I was kidding myself...I want to get wasted.

Happier

I read a post quite some time back suggesting the the very worse thing that can happen when an alcoholic relapses is "nothing". The feeling that everything is fine and that I wasn't arrested, didn't wreck, didn't say terrible things, didn't wake up with a hangover is truly a very dangerous and false sense of security.

I have been there. Those days when I would drink after 3 months or 9 months or whatever seemed great to me. Heck, I was happy the next day! Back with my old "friend" alcohol again. Surely I could handle it this time since all the world seemed to be in order.
Sad truth is that within a month I was back to my same old binges. Back to hiding the amount I drank. Back to worrying about my liver, my blood pressure, my brain. Back to wondering when my wife would figure things out (again).

Please don't fall for it. Count your blessings and be thankful that the one night didn't crash your world but with a healthy respect of knowing that it eventually will.

Pock89

I'll be going to a meeting tonight. I've been battling thoughts in my head all day, thinking that maybe I'm not an alcoholic because nothing crazy happened last night. It's a dangerous place for my mind to be wandering off to.

bbthumper

Ever hear that saying that "every time I drank I didnt get in trouble, but every time I was in trouble Id been drinking"?
Does that applyto you? Something to ask yourself. Glad to hear you are going to a meeting tonight.

CarolD

Place...my HG usual noon meeting today

Topic....Lying to yourself and others about your drinking

First to share....a man with about 14 months of continious sobreity
stated he drank a few over the weekend...he was there to let
us know he was re starting his AA program

Yes he picked up the 24 hour chip....and we 20 other members
were tickled he did not let this bump deter him from another chance to find lasting recovery. ..

He stayed late and his sponsor and other men were discussing
how Step 1 would be a good idea.

If you do intend to be AA recovered....I strongly suggest you
do the Steps....because they are the foundation of AA....

That obcession to drink again has been removed for me
and it can be true for you as well....

Welcome back...

Kelltic

I just read the first few chapters of the big book, and it was what I needed to do this morning to remind me where I'm coming from, and what the future holds if I don't stay sober. If you are truly an alcoholic, like me, the random times something terrible DIDN'T happen were the worst of all, because they helped me perpetuate my denial.

BackToSquareOne

I think it's a big misconception that an alcoholic can never drink normally. Many of us in certain situations could stop after several drinks if we were in a situation where getting wasted just wasn't possible. A family gathering, business lunch, or just a few after dinner drinks, we may be able to pull this off for a while but for me anyhow, this was always like lighting the fuse. It would only be a matter of time and I would end up going off the deep end again. Contrary to popular belief I would say that temporary periods of controlled drinking are not that unusual for an alcoholic, in the bigger picture tho they mean less than nothing.